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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel genuinely upset by this?

175 replies

Floral2023 · 27/04/2023 16:39

I meet up with a friend and her dc once a week after school. Her eldest is almost 5 and I find her behaviour towards me to be rude and upsetting. My children would never behave like that and if they did they’d be spoken to about it!

She will say things to me like “I don’t like you coming to my house” and “you’re boring.” Her mum looks embarrassed and tells her to say sorry but she can still be rude. Her mum says she’s just tired from school but I am not sure it’s an excuse as mine wouldn’t be rude like that. She also moans at us both if we talk too loudly Hmm

AIBU to feel upset by the way she speaks to me? She’s known me her whole life and I’ve always had lots of time for her. This only started recently, mum wonders if it’s the influence of other children in her class, but i’m not so sure.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 27/04/2023 17:52

I'd be annoyed with her mother for not correcting it.

Just tell your friend " I'm going to take a break from visiting you, because of your daughter's behaviour".

awaynboilyurheid · 27/04/2023 17:53

Remind her “ we use kind words not those words “ and see what mum does if she smiles indulgently and doesn’t agree with you then your on a hiding to nothing.

LadyKenya · 27/04/2023 17:55

MissyB1 · 27/04/2023 17:47

So I had the exact same situation with a friend’s ds, he was about 6 or 7 though at the time. I remember him telling me to my face “go home now I don’t want you here” and “I didnt invite you, why are you here”.

I just replied “no you didn’t invite me, your mum did and it’s her I’m here to see.” When he told me again to go home I just chuckled and said “it’s the adults who make those decisions not little children, now why don’t you go and play?”

My friend was mortified - but not enough to correct him!

I think that you handled that perfectly well. I would be a bit cat bum faced that the mum said nothing though.

Vivalaive · 27/04/2023 17:59

YANBU to not be happy about being spoken to like that. It’s a good sign that her mum is telling off for it though and telling her to apologise.

NotAHouse · 27/04/2023 18:01

Good christ, some of the people here have the emotional intelligence of a cardboard box.

If this has started recently, what's behind it? Is the child feeling like you're there too often and interrupting time with her mum? Does she feel like she sea her mum less now she's at school (how recently has she started Reception given that she's 4?)? Is there a chance her mum is slagging you off and she's copying?

Kids don't start being rude for no reason, there's something underlying it. Try to find out what is, or distance yourself. Either way, the problem lies with the parents not doing the grunt work of finding out what's going on, and not with a 4 year old learning to express herself and test boundaries.

BasiliskStare · 27/04/2023 18:01

I'd take it as irritating and ask Mum if you can meet up at another time as you don't get the chance to have a nice chat.

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 18:02

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 16:57

Are we going to have a thread full of posters calling a 5 year old child names?

So you find nothing wrong with this behaviour? Speaks volumes.

NotAHouse · 27/04/2023 18:03

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 18:02

So you find nothing wrong with this behaviour? Speaks volumes.

Show quote history

Did the poster say that? No. But namecalling a CHILD for behaviour that has a root cause no one is bothering to look into is using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/04/2023 18:06

YANBU to find her behaviour rude and annoying.

YABU in my opinion to be 'genuinely upset'. She's 5; she's being naughty, probably either imitating other children or showing off for attention; but you are an adult and should not take her silly words seriously.

ily0xx · 27/04/2023 18:06

I just replied “no you didn’t invite me, your mum did and it’s her I’m here to see.” When he told me again to go home I just chuckled and said “it’s the adults who make those decisions not little children, now why don’t you go and play?

My friend was mortified - but not enough to correct him!

This is how narcissists are created, either from extreme over indulgence or abuse. These parents aren’t doing their kids any favours.

Allwelcone · 27/04/2023 18:06

I think turn it around and try and make it funny "you think I'M BORING!" And do a big yawn, or "why don't you tell me something interesting then", or like a pp said "I'm having a playdate with your mum, do you like going to your friends houses? " and engage a little bit with the dc.
Or even "ow >name< that really hurt my feelings! I thought you liked me".
The child sounds jealous of their mums time.

ArianahX · 27/04/2023 18:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Blossomandbee · 27/04/2023 18:09

I would be wondering if she's overhearing things and picking it up from your friend to be honest

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/04/2023 18:10

Cam22 · 27/04/2023 17:15

What a brat. Tell her you dislike her. I cannot believe the mother is not giving her one hell of a telling off.

Yes, get down to the level of a cheeky 5-year-old- not a sensible idea.

GoodChat · 27/04/2023 18:11

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 27/04/2023 17:02

I'd just reply back "your boring me with your stinky attitude sally."

She's 5, if her mother won't say anything then you correct her.

A response like that isn't 'correcting her'. It's behaving like a 5 year old.

OP how old are your kids? Do they go with you?

Once a week is a lot. It sounds like she just wants some downtime.

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/04/2023 18:12

MissyB1 · 27/04/2023 17:47

So I had the exact same situation with a friend’s ds, he was about 6 or 7 though at the time. I remember him telling me to my face “go home now I don’t want you here” and “I didnt invite you, why are you here”.

I just replied “no you didn’t invite me, your mum did and it’s her I’m here to see.” When he told me again to go home I just chuckled and said “it’s the adults who make those decisions not little children, now why don’t you go and play?”

My friend was mortified - but not enough to correct him!

That was a sensible response on your part,

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 18:12

Bunnyhair · 27/04/2023 17:48

You're a grown-ass adult. If a bit of backchat from a hangry 5-y-o hurts your feelings to this extent maybe seek help.

Idiotic comment, even by MN standards. Were I the OP i would be looking forward to her 'friend' having a terrible time with her teenager who expects the world to continue to revolve around her, wine and popcorn!

Deathraystare · 27/04/2023 18:13

Please do not take it personally. My little brother said similar to my mum's friend. I am going back decades mind.

You know how kids are, they interrupt adults all the time and get frustrated and may be they want mum to themselves. Just make light of it.

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/04/2023 18:13

One point: perhaps the mother is telling the child off, just not in your presence. Some parents prefer to discipline in private.

Ludicrousness · 27/04/2023 18:14

I’ve known lots of rude 5-year olds who grew up to be rude teens. I don’t remember any of mine talking to adults like that, and if they did, I’d go ballistic.

Id stop hanging out with them TBH. Her mum clearly has no control over her.

Justalittlebitduckling · 27/04/2023 18:14

What happens if you say, “It hurts my feelings when you say things like that, Lily.” Not telling her off, but seriously and in earshot of her mum.

Deathraystare · 27/04/2023 18:15

It used to amuse me when I was at a friend's house the child would immediately ask when I was going home!!! I did not take it personally, he just wanted to know!!!

berksandbeyond · 27/04/2023 18:15

Mum is a twat and kid isn’t much better! I’d pull her up on it myself to be honest, if that ended the friendship then so be it. Better the child learns earlier that they shouldn’t be talking to people like that

nomoredriving · 27/04/2023 18:16

@JudgeJ no one is saying it's right, but name calling a five year old, is a lot worse.

Speaks volumes about you,

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 27/04/2023 18:17

She's attention seeking.

Does she feel like you're there too often and taking away her mum's time and attention, especially if she's only recently started school?

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