I'm reporting us for social services later. But will they actually help?

[SocialserviceswillTheyhelp]

I have 4 children, we live in a safe and secure home both me and the children's father are here, we work full time and the children have had a safe, loving and well attached upbringing.

On child has a diagnoses of ADHD. One of the symptoms is awful violent meltdowns. He hurts himself and others.
This has been going on since he was 3 years old, he is now 12.
He is an amazing, loving, empathetic, funny child who I utter adore.
But when life does not go his way, he destroys our home, he throws things, he punches, we have massive holes in our walls, our doors, he has smashed glass more times than I can count.
He has never heard our youngest directly but he has been collateral damage by flying objects.
He has repeatedly punched me and left bruises for weeks.
He has run away, he was wondering the streets until 10pm last night saying he wasn't coming home. He switched off his "find my iPhone" so I couldn't see where he was.

What I have tried:

Getting a key worker. They said we were accepted for help in feb 2021 and haven't heard back since.

Speaking to the school over and over. They are next to useless and apparently have an amazing Family Support worker who I am
yet to hear from.

Ive read books - Life without Brakes, 10 ways the a less defiant child, and more.

I've even tried a flipping healer out of pure desperation.

We have regular family outings and regular one to one with him, we will play board games, play cards or the other night we simply went for a nice drive together and had a long chat about anything and everything.

I've tried calling them police during a violent meltdown. They say "do you want your child to have a criminal record?" I say no, they say there's nothing they can do then.

Hes in the CAMHS waiting list for ADHD, that's been 3.5 years.

He got diagnosed privately 2 years ago but the practice closed down so we can try meds, which we were waiting for secondary school to try.

We tried going to the Gp to rush along the CAMHS thing as suggested on here and they said that was impossible.

So that leaves me with reporting myself to SS. Will they help?

I can;t understand why whoever diagnosed him said to wait until secondary age to try medication, I know a number of children at primary school that have taken it and it has been life changing. Terrible advice IMO when it sounds like things are now really, really hard.

I know you've said you can't get the medication so is it not possible for you to get a prescription from a private psychiatrist? Maybe the cost makes it impossible, or finding one is really difficult.

I would expect SS to be like everyone else - we can give you this and this to help you, and then you never hear from anyone again. I'm sorry the help that should be out there for you and your son is nowhere near where it should be.

There is absolutely no evidence for this. Same for fish oils, acupuncture and homeopathy.
The correct treatment for ADHD is prescribed medication from a medical doctor.

My daughter is on Risperidone and Promethazine. This has really helped her, she also suffers from high anxiety and depression so in on meds.for that too.

I'm a bit less fraught now.

So to answer the burning question as to why he wasn't medicated before.
I have answered this in the past on previous "oh my god help me" threads I posted a few years ago so people may recognise what I'm saying. Also apparently what I was told was BS, but there's nothing I can do about that now.

My son has tics, he was only 8 when he was diagnosed and he was doing relatively well in primary school with lots and lots of support.
The psychiatrist told me that the main go-to stimulants such as Ritalin can exacerbate tics therefore she would want to try a different type but the side effects are a big fierce so let's wait until he is in secondary school.
She also added that because his grandfather has cardiomyopathy due to an inherited gene, he need a cardiologist to sign him off for ADHD meds.

So fast forward to today, I can't afford another psychiatrist, even with the previous diagnoses and skipping that part the initial consultation for meds and follow up appointments to tweak would come to £1k-£1.2k in total (for the pp, the healer cost £45).
Yesterday my mum offered to pay.

the private company said only when he has had a cardiac echo and cardiovascular exam and ECG.
My Gp has said they will do the ECG but won't help with the rest and presumably they won't refer to cardiology because that's what I asked for and that's what they said no to.

So another bastard brick wall.

I've been so bastard down about all the bastard brick walls.

@Yellowdays the OP has bruises already, I can guarantee that taking the phone will not solve the issue and OP will get more bruises or damage to her home.

I know it shouldn't be that way but with what she is described she's well past the taking toys away stage

Why on earth are the Drs saying this? OP PM me if you need details for a psychiatrist that sees on zoom and accepts prior diagnosis. It'll set you back £250 for a first appt and she posts the prescription.
Aside from BP, weight and height we weren't asked for anything.

What are you hoping SS will do? Are you thinking about putting him into care for your own and other children's safety? Surely they can't refuse if you tell them you're not able to look after him anymore and are scared for the health of the rest of your family because of his violent outbursts.

OP can you present to GP and explain the effect this is having on you, your partner and the other children and just refuse to take the I can't help answer. You clearly have been reaching out everywhere for support and are getting nothing in return.

If you have no luck I would take up your mums offer to help pay for what you need - it shouldn't be that way but its better to get the help asap.

Have you reached out to small charities? They often can help in varied ways - even helping to advocate for your child and put pressure on to get the help your little DS really needs.
I've heard of really great stories out of Action for Children helping families get the results they need for their little ones.

Maybe the likes of
Action for Children
or
this
or
This
or
This

or

go to Your local MP and discuss this, they are your contact to get the support you need from the government services.

You hit the nail on the head.
The bruises are from confiscating his phone.

I couldn't be bothered to answer the message in a normal manner before because it was such an insult to suggest something as mundane as "have you thought about taking his phone away?" The

Does he have an EHCP?

I work closely with SW in a different area (that are far better resourced then the area I live in unfortunately) and children on a CIN plan can have access to things that "other"
children can't. They get bumped up in groups or on waiting list because they have SW involvement.
There is potentially a lot a SW could do.

i knew my call this morning was fruitless. I was just desperate.

How is he at school? Is he masking all day and then coming home and exploding? If so, more support at school could be the answer, as that lessens the coke bottle effect.

Currently slamming myself head first into that as well.

The SENCO said we are a year away from that at the moment. I bawked.

Im on week 4 of the 6 week wait of requesting an assessment myself.

Search for and join the Newbold Hope facebook group. Lots of resources for parents in our position. Parents of NT children with relatively good MH will not understand. You cannot parent in the typical ways with a ND child xxx

They need a cardiologist sign off because the hereditary heart condition I mentioned.

@SocialserviceswillTheyhelp yes do it yourself. SENCOs avoid at all costs I find...I swear the LA tell them to dissuade parents from applying.

No advice, opinion or personal experience unfortunately. I just wanted to say no judgements here, I'm sorry you're struggling so much and I really hope you find your answer!

@SocialserviceswillTheyhelp regarding the echo get in touch with CRY https://www.c-r-y.org.uk/. They may be able to help.

It’s exhausting, I know, but keep pushing every avenue for an echo - my son needed one too.

It might be worth emailing the GP and the practice manager and explaining everything. Persistence can pay off.

Have you looked at SENDIASS? https://www.kids.org.uk/sendiass They’re also very useful

If they decide to do an EHC Needs Assessment, a social worker will be assigned to your case anyway. Ours was very helpful, signposted me to more in depth support and got me to apply for DLA x

I think given what you’ve said about SS it’s a good idea to keep him on their radar and get a CIN if possible. I would though also be going back to the GP and if they refuse to refer you to your local
ADHD clinic after all of this I would be asking for a written explanation from the doctor, asking for an urgent second opinion and a considering a formal complaint.

I’d give the GP one more go but if all else fails accept your mum’s money and go private to get some medication in the short term, whilst progressing the GP referral at the same time.

The GP should also be able to refer you for the echo as well, at least then you can get that out of the way.

Long thread, so apologies if I've missed something. My ADHD granddaughter was medicated from ago about 9, and it helped her massively. Ritalin turned her into a zombie, but Strattera helped her immensely. That's not to say Ritalin or something else might not be the best answer for your child - each child is different. Can you go to another private place if your GP won't help?

I think medication is crucial. If they don't get the medication, they start self-medicating just to - as my now 24-year-old granddaughter says - 'shut her brain up.' She was very bad, and medication made a massive difference. She has gone to university, completed a degree in music and is now working. There is light at the end of this tunnel, but you need help to get there.

Oh and I meant to say I totally sympathise with your frustration- but if you’ve got this far you can make one final push on this and, sadly, no-one else is going to take it off your hands. I really hope that you manage to make some progress.

Ok here's something that might help. At week 6 you may get a letter saying no to the EHCNA. Do the following:

Lodge a mediation meeting asap using details on letter
Ask for a meeting with your case worker (listed on letter) and list all the reasons why you disagree with their decision. Ask for it to be taken back to panel.

If they say yes:
Request a psychiatrist to see him as part of the EHCNA. This will be the quickest way you can get this done realistically unless a cardiologist suddenly appears free of charge. Don't let them say no to this. His health condition will be a huge part of his EHCP.

I would never normally advise mediation but appeals are taking an insane amount of time. I have just helped a parent secure a EHCNA by emailing the reasons we disagreed with the refusal and asking for it to go back to panel. It's worth it.