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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say this is standard for work day ?

189 replies

TinaTeaspoons · 26/04/2023 12:20

Asking someone twice a week to-
Get up at 5.45AM
Walk for 40 minutes and then a 20 minute bus journey to workplace.
Work for 9 hours on feet all day but have an hours lunch.
40 minutes walk home and 20 minute bus journey back.

Person has autoimmune diseases also but they are well controlled. Aibu to say this isn't too much?

OP posts:
Hellybelly84 · 26/04/2023 15:00

I’d say most people I know are up by 6am in the week so 5.45 isnt ridiculously early. He’s working what most people with full time jobs work in the week. His commute is annoying (but again an hour travelling not out of the ordinary) so thats the only part that seems abit of a hassle (thinking more in winter when theres day after day of torrential rain?).

So hours of work and wake up time completely standard but he could obviously make his day easier with a job closer. Is that an option?

tattygrl · 26/04/2023 15:00

A lot of practices and customs that are "standard" for working life are actually not healthy or sustainable for people. "Standard" doesn't mean good, healthy or doable, it just means commonplace. If your DH is saying that day is too much for him, then it is. That commute sounds hellish to me.

OrangeRock · 26/04/2023 15:01

@Hellybelly84 did you read that he has to walk 40mins with RA and then stand on his feet and he’s saying he can’t manage that?

Serena73 · 26/04/2023 15:02

I have a job where I'm on my feet all the time. I do less hours and drive there in a very short time and it is still tiring. I would not do the job you describe. It's a long day with a lot of effort to get there and not enough time to recover before you have to do it all again. Rubbish quality of life, with or without any autoimmune conditions.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/04/2023 15:03

Don't know the history here but is the real issue that he doesn't drive and you live in the arse end of nowhere?

It would have to be a bloody brilliant opportunity for me to want to both walk 40 minutes and get a bus each way. You'd have to be desperate to consider that a good option even without a chronic condition.

GoodChat · 26/04/2023 15:06

doadeer · 26/04/2023 14:15

40 min walk then getting a 20 min bus sounds like a right faff. But the job itself sounds fairly normal

For someone with multiple chronic conditions?

Zanatdy · 26/04/2023 15:06

TinaTeaspoons · 26/04/2023 12:31

It's DH. Said it would be too much for him but I think it would be ok as just 2 days that he would need to do this.

2 days a week I’d have no problem with this

VeggieSalsa · 26/04/2023 15:09

I wouldn’t do it, and I’m fit and well.

But I also don’t need the money.

For me it’s be a question of how much does it pay and how much do I need that money… BUT I don’t have to factor in any illnesses. Even if I did though, I suspect the decision tree would be the same (does it pay enough for me to be exhausted / potentially feel ill).

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2023 15:13

Do you not think that part of his management of his conditions is saying no to things like a long walk plus 20 minute bus ride twice a day?

One of the huge issues and really infuriatingly so, is that when you DO manage a condition well by pacing yourself, you then appear so much better that people then seem to think you can do more - but you know if you do, you'll fuck yourself all over again.

GimmeSleep · 26/04/2023 15:13

Zanatdy · 26/04/2023 15:06

2 days a week I’d have no problem with this

Show quote history

Do you have chronic illnesses?

Hellybelly84 · 26/04/2023 15:16

OrangeRock · 26/04/2023 15:01

@Hellybelly84 did you read that he has to walk 40mins with RA and then stand on his feet and he’s saying he can’t manage that?

There are alot of people who work with health conditions but I do agree that 40 mins walking plus a bus before work is a hassle for anyone (even without health conditions, especially in the winter).

As suggested in my post, surely best option is to look for something closer that doesn’t involve so much time on his feet?

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 26/04/2023 15:16

Well, the WTD states that you need 15 mins break for a shift up to 6hrs, 30 mins for between 6-9, and 45 mins for over 9hrs, with no uninterrupted period of work greater than 6hrs allowed without at least a 15 min break.

I think an hour's break for 9 hours work is fine. It's only an hour longer than the standard 9-5 which is pretty short I the whole scheme of work days.

EvenHeathens · 26/04/2023 15:22

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2023 15:13

Do you not think that part of his management of his conditions is saying no to things like a long walk plus 20 minute bus ride twice a day?

One of the huge issues and really infuriatingly so, is that when you DO manage a condition well by pacing yourself, you then appear so much better that people then seem to think you can do more - but you know if you do, you'll fuck yourself all over again.

This! I got called lazy at work one day because I wxplained I had to pace myself or else I could end up in a flare up that could last months

I think it's really unfair to expect something from iour dh that he says he cant manage

silverbubbles · 26/04/2023 15:23

Wake up and commute times to work are soley down to the individual. Someone who chooses to live far from work should not expect to have different working conditions to someone who lives next door to their place of work.

TravellingSpoon · 26/04/2023 15:34

I wonder how a thread like this would go if a Husband was telling a Wife who had chronic conditions what she could manage?

Surely he is the judge of what his body can cope with.

losingmymarblesagain · 26/04/2023 15:36

You can tell which posters have no idea of managing chronic illness and disability.

GimmeSleep · 26/04/2023 15:38

losingmymarblesagain · 26/04/2023 15:36

You can tell which posters have no idea of managing chronic illness and disability.

I was thinking the same. There's some very ableist comments on here 🙄

tattygrl · 26/04/2023 15:41

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2023 15:13

Do you not think that part of his management of his conditions is saying no to things like a long walk plus 20 minute bus ride twice a day?

One of the huge issues and really infuriatingly so, is that when you DO manage a condition well by pacing yourself, you then appear so much better that people then seem to think you can do more - but you know if you do, you'll fuck yourself all over again.

100% this. Preventatively saying no to things is a huge part of managing chronic conditions, and unfortunately many people don't like that. They want us to do the things that seem "normal" because we're not currently having a flare up/burnout, failing to realise that doing these "normal" things that everyone else manages to do will end up causing a burnout.

mondaytosunday · 26/04/2023 15:44

Depends what that autoimmune disease is, how fit they are etc.
Walking that much plus being on their feet all day might be no issue for a 25 year old but a 45 year old might find it taxing - I can picture swollen ankles and achy legs at the end especially if they can't wear trainers all day!
If your husband only needs to do it twice a week and feels able then what's the issue?

Apairofsparklingeyes · 26/04/2023 15:45

He’s saying it’s too much for him and he’s right. There’s no way that someone with RA should be walking 40 minutes to work and then standing for a 9 hour shift!

PetsPalace · 26/04/2023 15:50

If he's saying he won't manage then listen to him and believe him. He may be underplaying how much the conditions impact him already. He might not really want to admit it to himself. He doesn't need a push to get on with it. Let him set his own boundaries.

MsFannySqueers · 26/04/2023 15:51

Poor bugger.

tourdefrance · 26/04/2023 15:54

My walk to work is about 40 mins but I mostly cycle instead and am sat down not on my feet during the day.

WisherWood · 26/04/2023 15:56

Do you not think that part of his management of his conditions is saying no to things like a long walk plus 20 minute bus ride twice a day?

This. His condition is currently well managed. The OP is asking him to change the management by doing more. I also think that in these situations we shouldn't ask what someone can do on a good day or an average day, but what they can do on a bad day. That's a long, physical day for anyone. I could have done that in my 20s and 30s. In my 50s it would tire me out and I don't have underlying health conditions.

I have a feeling though that maybe the OP is carrying a lot herself, hence her frustrations. It's easier to be empathetic when you're not the one being asked to pick up the slack. The problem is that for many years now, the DWP has not looked kindly on people who struggle to work FT. They probably both need help, as a couple, to manage the DH's conditions and if they're not getting it, the OP may well be at the end of her tether.

stayathomer · 26/04/2023 15:56

In my 20s or even early 30s yes, now … shudders!!! My brother and his wife do similar with 2 kids 5 days a week and I think they deserve a medal!! For twice a week, I don’t know, probably I’d say yes it’s doable, but I said yabu because it’s your dh and not you and I hate people assuming others should be okay doing something they’re not doing!!!