Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Older men expecting you to move

312 replies

Miloticc · 25/04/2023 09:36

…And getting furious when you don’t??
Is it just me? Men keep getting really angry at me when I won’t move out the way or let them into traffic, etc. A few examples:

This morning I didn’t let an older gentleman in a Range Rover filter into traffic from a junction, because the car behind me was already yielding for him. He was beeping, swearing and flashing his lights like crazy at me 😳

The other day an older man in a van tried to force his way in front of me in a lane merge (when there was no gap in front of me and no cars behind me) and was absolutely seething that I didn’t just stop and let him do it.

I had a man in about his 60’s (not old by any means, so capable of waiting with the rest of us) try and step in front of me in a bus queue and was livid when I wouldn’t make space for him and he had to go to the back. He actually shoved me.

When I walk down the street everyone kind of weaves around each other but I’ve noticed men that are older than me (I’m in my 30’s) will try and walk right through me, expecting me to jump out their way.

Obviously not all men, but enough that I’m really noticing it. More so now than when I was in my early 20’s! They stay calm if they get their own way, but if I dare to stand my ground they go from 0-100

YABU - Just move and let them get on with it
YANBU - It shouldn’t make them so angry

OP posts:
NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 25/04/2023 12:18

"Men, especially of an older generation, are more sexist. It's a generalisation of course - because not all men are - but many many are."

Make your mind up. Either your first statement is true. Or the second. Which?

@Nordicrain

Original poster
Miloticc · 25/04/2023 12:20

maddiemookins16mum · 25/04/2023 12:12

Nope, never had this. Unfortunately I find the most inconsiderate drivers to be female and have school aged kids.
But then again we need a daily all men are wank*rs thread I suppose.

I honestly don’t believe all men are bad. I don’t even believe all older men are bad. I just feel like my experiences when someone has been really angry with me for just… being there, have been with older men.

I will say that the parents on my own school run leave their cars blocking the road (noone can go up or down, country lane) while they get out and take their kids to school. So they absolutely are inconsiderate here too!

OP posts:
MichaelCane · 25/04/2023 12:22

If you think you're invisible, imagine this: I am in my 60s and laugh at men who walk right into me and then usually say "oh I didn't see you" because I'm blind and use a white cane.

Most are embarrassed and I get a muffled apology but some swear at me - I don't give a shit and swear back at them. Fuckers.

Nordicrain · 25/04/2023 12:22

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 25/04/2023 12:18

"Men, especially of an older generation, are more sexist. It's a generalisation of course - because not all men are - but many many are."

Make your mind up. Either your first statement is true. Or the second. Which?

@Nordicrain

Generalising - it's true. That doesn't mean every single man is sexist. Of course not. But, as a generation, they are. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Noodlehen · 25/04/2023 12:23

Catspyjamas17 · 25/04/2023 12:07

what a strange post. We’d all be up in arms if a similar one was made about women.

What nonsense. Men are vastly more violent and aggressive on the whole and commit the vast, vast majority of crime, particularly violent and sexual and they are responsible for most verbal and physical harassment of women. It's perfectly valid to single out men as being a problem for women. It's not all men but a significant number are arseholes and a problem to a greater or lesser degree.

So from merging lanes to violent and sexual assaults. Get a grip.

Mabelface · 25/04/2023 12:25

I've been doing patriarchy chicken for years, as I refuse to diminish myself for someone's sense of self entitlement. Head up, walk tall and with purpose. I rarely get bumped. Piccadilly train station in Manchester is good for this, along with the phone zombies and meanderthals.

Doversole7 · 25/04/2023 12:25

A lot of men don’t like women and if you get in their way they like you even less.

Catspyjamas17 · 25/04/2023 12:28

Noodlehen · 25/04/2023 12:23

So from merging lanes to violent and sexual assaults. Get a grip.

Show quote history

Oh, jog on back to GBeebies News.

greencheetah · 25/04/2023 12:29

My 25 year old DD just tole me she is fed up of living in London because of the frequency with which she is pushed, shoved, kicked out of the way by Terribly Important Men.

It made me so sad as I had to make the exact same decision for the same reasons over 30 years ago. Nothing has bloody changed. It makes me so angry but reminds me of the Germaine Greer saying about how "Women have very little idea of how much men hate them."

JudgeJ · 25/04/2023 12:30

Dropzonefourpleaseben · 25/04/2023 10:24

It’s not only ‘old’ men. Last week, I checked my rear view mirror to see a thirty something in a van behind having some sort of apocalyptic episode, arms waving and some obviously rich language aimed at me as I’d had the sheer gall to stop at a red traffic light.

I had a similar experience, I approached a roundabout and slowed down to check the road to the right. The driver behind flashed , honked and arm-waved because I'd slowed down for, as it happened, nothing coming. Sadly, there was another roundabout 50m along and I could see to estimate the approaching traffic, I slowed enough to arrive just in time to go through but friend behind had to stop.

Catspyjamas17 · 25/04/2023 12:31

It's definitely some parts of London. There is certainly a concentration of Terribly Important Men in parts of the City.

ladyvimes · 25/04/2023 12:31

I remember being about 8 months pregnant and walking slowly and steadily up a very steep and wide hill at a tourist attraction. The amount of men that were coming down the hill that expected me to move out of their way was ridiculous. I put my head down and refused to budge. One guy almost fell over as he left it so late to move out of my way!!

SamGully · 25/04/2023 12:32

First of all, let me assure you that you're not alone in experiencing this kind of behavior from some men. It can be frustrating and even infuriating when they expect you to yield to their demands and get angry when you don't comply.
It's mind-boggling how some people feel entitled to cut in front of others in traffic or push their way ahead in a queue. And it's not just you; many women face similar situations on a regular basis. It's not acceptable for anyone, regardless of gender or age, to resort to beeping, swearing, flashing lights, or even shoving in order to get their way.

LemonLymanDotCom · 25/04/2023 12:32

“When I walk down the street everyone kind of weaves around each other but I’ve noticed men that are older than me (I’m in my 30’s) will try and walk right through me, expecting me to jump out their way.”

Yeah, it’s called Patriarchy Chicken abd is always good to indulge in to get the blood up. Elbows out ladies.

OctopusComplex · 25/04/2023 12:32

My mum used to run a charity after she retired.

Every time a man tried to join the board, or get involved in any capacity, they couldn't just give it a moment to see how things operated (pretty effectively as it goes) before wanting to take over, either literally or metaphorically, and constantly emailing different people to tell them what they were doing wrong.

Mum came to the conclusion that it was men who had just retired, and had no idea how to"share" and never had to "play nice" to get along. Certainly once they were senior whatever.. lawyer, project manager.

And they REALLY went spare if one of the women didn't just say "oh, ok then, we'll do it your way".

I was with my MIL the other day when we bumped into a man she knows from church.

He was very charming, but patronising. He said something pretty belittling, and so I answered in a way that I knew far more about the subject than he did. He glared at me, turned around and walked away without even saying goodbye to MIL.

I've got a million examples, mostly since I turned 50 🙄

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 25/04/2023 12:33

Rudeness just seems to be a general people default at the moment, regardless of age or gender.

JulieHoney · 25/04/2023 12:34

It’s a nightmare on crowded pavements, and it is mostly blokes.

When I’ve used a crutch and needed a seat on a bus, 9 times out of 10 a woman offers me her seat and the men ignore me.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

What Happens When a Woman Walks Like a Man?

Move aside, manspreading. There's a new microaggression in town.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 25/04/2023 12:35

I feel sorry for DD17 who is learning to drive. As soon as she's on the road with those 'L' plates on, any merge in turn doesn't exist, they all zoom past her at dangerous speeds so that they don't end up behind a learner driver (who is doing the speed limit no matter what type of road)! And every time she gets beeped at, cut up, sped past...it's all male drivers.

Whoknewwhat · 25/04/2023 12:35

FictionalCharacter · 25/04/2023 10:24

This is quite a well known phenomenon. Men believe they own all public space and expect women to give way for them. Some women have tried this out and spent a day not moving aside for men on footpaths, and what happens is that the men just crash into them.
There are plenty of men who like to be courteous and open doors etc. for women. But the difference is that this is on their own terms, they are generously offering their chivalry to women if they choose, as a gift. But they don’t think women are allowed to claim space on the pavement or the train seat for themselves.
I read an interesting article by a female journalist who visited Afghanistan a few years ago. She noticed that Afghan women wearing the full burka were treated like dirt by men, who shoved them out of the way on footpaths shouting at them, and seemed intensely irritated by their very presence. Yet these women were dressing and behaving in exactly the correct way to demonstrate their religious devotion and submission to the Taliban’s commands. This should make them worthy of respect, but instead they get treated with contempt.
Sadly it’s all just different degrees of misogyny.

Well requiring women to wear the burqa isn’t a sign you respect women, is it?

And dehumanizing someone so that you can’t see any of their humanity, especially not their face, is inevitable going to work to reduce others seeing and treating you as an equal human being.

JudgeJ · 25/04/2023 12:36

onefinemess · 25/04/2023 10:39

I dunno OP, where I live it's the school run mums who think they have the God given right to drive wherever they like, park wherever they like and not give a toss about anyone.

Just try walking down a pavement within a mile of our local primary at kick out time!

You think a man walking towards you on the pavement is indifferent to you, try two tonnes of Land Rover!

Never mind though, it's fine, men are the problem, not Lydia, who's only parking there to pick up little Kayleeah and her brother Kyle, and don't you dare expect her to move her "Rangie", it's almost half a mile to her house, where do you expect her to park!

You might call her a concerned mother, I call her a dick with tits.

So very true, my late OH ran the village Speedwatch and when women were reported for speeding they often complined when they received a letter about it, usually along the lines of 'Moi????', some would be caught going towards the school then coming back.
A road out of the village is a very narrow one with passing places, farm gates etc for passing, usually accomplished with no problem, one waits and they wave on passing. In 12 years the only experience of people not doing this has been women, almost a mind set of 'women and children first' off the Titanic.

ferneytorro · 25/04/2023 12:36

FlibbedyFlobbedyFloo · 25/04/2023 10:41

was just about to say this - Patriarchy chicken all the way. You not letting them go goes against all you and they have been taught and it surprises them. We need to retrain ourselves and them. Same with crossing roads, my husband I have noticed just goes not in a dangerous way - I have started to do the same.

nopuppiesallowed · 25/04/2023 12:37

Is this rudeness limited to men in the southeast or is it nationwide? Only asking because I've not come across it where I live (and if I did, I'd give them my evil teacher's glare....)

pinkstripeycat · 25/04/2023 12:37

I have older men (60s+) shaking their heads at me all the time whilst tailgating me.

Also male drivers speeding in order to overtake me as I’m already driving to the speed limit. They then have to stop at red lights or get stuck behind the person in front of me! So they’ve driven dangerously and used extra fuel just to get passed one car!

Catspyjamas17 · 25/04/2023 12:39

I get that, @OctopusComplex. Had it at work recently, someone joined as a consultant, not even full employee, I'm late 40s, he's probably in his fifties, I'm a director and senior to him. I've felt like several times when he didn't know me that well and had only just started that he was trying to give me work to do or was telling me how to do my job. I think he understands me better now and largely seems to keep away, thank goodness (I look like butter wouldn't melt but people usually don't find me that way if they cross me), but the sheer arrogance of him to come in like that.

EsmeSusanOgg · 25/04/2023 12:40

I find older male drivers are really aggressive. Espdixally if you're a pedestrian. How dare you make them stop by crossing the road at a zebra crossing.

The obnoxious patriacal pavement chicken seems to be spread across all age groups. And you can see some blokes deliberately moving to be in your way. Total wankers.

I find that as well as becoming more invisible in your 30s and 40s, we as women also reach the point where we cannot be assed with toxic male BS. So we're less likely to demure to their aggression. Which makes them even angrier at our existence.