If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

If you haven’t got the money to pay unless you use his birthday money then you can’t afford it. That’s his money. A 4 year old, no matter how ‘Egypt obsessed’ would enjoy a holiday in a caravan with lots of fun activities. You could go to a museum
with a focus on Egyptians. Let’s face it, most of the holiday he would have no idea he’s in Egypt anyway!

Yup!

dont see how anyone could think this was unreasonable

Sorry cross post, just saw you had asked. Enjoy the holiday

Seems that I'm going to go against the grain and say that I don't see anything bad in that - provided grandparents didn't specifically ask for the money to be set aside. If it was a money to 'buy gift' - in my family (And we had discussions about this) - the biggest gift imaginable is showing your child something new - exposing them to a new culture, taking them to see and experience something different. My PILs and parents even opened a 'travel account' for DD (she is an only grandchild on both sides) where they put the money they want to gift her instead of buying plastic tat/more clothes.

We can afford to take DD to trips and don't need this money at all but it makes everyone involved happy to do 'gifts' in this particular way and I consider it normal and, more so, desirable. We wouldn't spend it to take her to a beach resort - but we do use it when we go somewhere new/visit museums/have new experiences.

I think it's a great idea. I'd much rather any money I gave went on something they really enjoyed/life experiences than plastic toys that aren't needed.

It's like gifting money at a wedding vs actual gifts. I always give money unless there is something specific I know they want.

Well, it depends how it was given.

my DF gives me children a large sum every Christmas and birthday and it says in the card that it is for their savings accounts. But if it was cash in cards that I’d paid in then to me that is different.

I don’t actually think either grandparent would mind how we spent it and they’ve never asked, they have no idea how much the kids have saved.

but i wouldn’t real feel comfortable myself in using it and would prefer to save it until they’re grown up and they can choose how to spend it. I’d rather pay for things like holidays, big days out etc ourselves.

What will a 4yo get out of a trip to Egypt that is worth them spending their money on it rather than stuff they can directly enjoy?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

have you not read any of OP’s posts?

I guess I can see where others are coming from, it might look like you're subsidising your family holiday with your son's money, but if it's something you know he'd enjoy I can't see how it's much different to Legoland or Peppa Pig world.

My son's only 1 so he doesn't have many actual interests yet, but what we've done is set up a second savings account for gifted money. So we pay regularly into his junior ISA for uni/driving lessons/a house because he won't get that till he's 18, but he's got another easy access account we put other money in, and once he's old enough to ask for things he's got some money to spend.

You'd be surprised how much he knows! He knows the names of the pyramids, the river Nile, the names of 20+ gods, the Egypt museum in Cairo, the temples, the currency, he knows lots of Arabic words, the valley of the kings and which tombs are there, etc etc. Everything I'm planning revolves around the things he knows about, talks about, and says he wishes he could visit. He may not remember it but that really doesn't matter. It will be mind blowing for him.

I think you have a bit of a romantic view of what Cairo is like. I don't think I'd take a small child there. Random men kept touching my hair and we were constantly harassed for money.

Is it a one off or are you going to keep dipping into his money for family holidays? What if his next obsession is Disney World or Australia?

It's great that your mother is happy with the idea but it still seems off to me that you are using a child's savings to fund a holiday that parents would normally provide. The fact that he is obsessed with Egypt is neither here nor there, it's still the family holiday.

How much did you put in? How much did others put in? How much do you want to spend?

can it not come from money you have paid in?

He sounds like a lovely boy OP. Good luck with it all 😊

My parents used money given to me by GPs to pay for school trips for me, and possibly towards family holidays as well I don't know. I think I once questioned this when I was told I couldn't go on something "that money is there for me as a parent to decide how to use"

As an adult this is fair enough to me, which has been reaffirmed by friends who are parents who have asked to use money I've given to their DC on bills. I say you are their parent you know what they need.

Many relatives give money so you can take your child to the theatre or some other experience they like for their birthday or Christmas. Why is this different? He is not paying for the whole holiday

YABU I’d expect the money to go into savings or be used for something significant for them. I would not expect a 4 year old to have to pay their own way on a family holiday

YABU - that's a lot of money for a 4 year though! Put it in an account or let him spend some on holiday maybe but that's a lot of cash. My kids are 11 & 13 and we don't allow relatives to give them that much!

My parents have encouraged us to use the money they give for the kids towards things they need.
I think it depends on whose giving the money and what they have said about the money. X

Then I will tell him sorry we can't go. I want to take him on a one off holiday before he goes to school and we aren't dependent on school holidays. I'm a lone parent and whilst I have saved fair bit for him in savings (£85 a month which is non negotiable), It has taken a lot of addition saving to save enough for accommodation, my flight, and money to take with us. I don't know that I could save am additional amount for his flight in time to actually book it and get it planned in the next couple of months so I chose to put money from his grandmother towards his flight.

The money is usually gifted for the child's savings. I have heard parents say any gifts go in the family coffers. This is just stealing.

I use my son’s birthday and xmas money towards days out/ toys/ clothes. Family know and think it’s a good idea.

Put it in his bank and use the money you've saved for him. Why do you need to label this as money other people have given to him when there's £4k that you've saved

The 4k I have saved is in his bank account and would get charged over £100 to take money out. The money from his grandmother is in cash. I just kept it all in a pot and am going to use it towards his flight.

I wish I had the memory of a 4 year old!