Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18

Original poster

If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

439 replies

HarperElla · 24/04/2023 14:46

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:

lilliafrilly · 24/04/2023 15:15

YABU it feels to me like stealing

shard5 · 24/04/2023 15:15

I doubt either set of grandparents would mind. Do what you think is right op, mention it to them if you really want to be sure.
We did something similar only each of our three kids put a little money in from their savings to make up one ticket. We made sure they understood that part of the holiday was paid for through nana and grandads birthday money to them. I think it was around 350£, they were 6,8& 10 years old at the time

TescoFinestMyArse · 24/04/2023 15:15

So basically your 4 year old is paying for his own flight?

YABVU. He's not choosing to go on holiday. I hat money if for him, to choose a toy. Or to save up if he has loads of toys for something like a garden swing or put it in savings for him.

Your basically subsidising your holiday on his gift money. I'd drop gifting money to your son and give him vouchers instead.

SomersetBrie · 24/04/2023 15:16

Have you a historical trip planned then? I would have thought tombs and pyramids would be tough going at 4, but if your DS is really keen that would be a very exciting holiday.
I kind of wouldn't mind if I had given you the money, but I think from here on I would open a savings account myself for GS as I don't want everything I give him going on holidays.
He has enough toys now, but he'll need scooters, bikes, (trampolines), lots of bigger things over the next few years and as a GP I'd love to help with that.

Notjustabrunette · 24/04/2023 15:17

I’ve used money gifted to my children for Christmas for a weekend away at legoland. Basically my kids have too much stuff, there isn’t anything me and my DH want or need either so my parents gave me some money instead. I think it’s a nice thing to do with the money as we will (hopefully, not been yet) have a really good weekend away rather than have more stuff.

IDontDrinkTea · 24/04/2023 15:17

Hmm. I’m a bit divided. A trip to Peppa Pig world - fine. An abroad holiday crosses a line though, sorry, that’s a parents responsibility to pay for

lilliafrilly · 24/04/2023 15:18

pay less into his savings if you need the money for a plane ticket but make sure any money given to him goes to his account

Lcb123 · 24/04/2023 15:19

I actually think that’s fine! It’s to his benefit to go on the holiday if he wants to go somewhere

2bazookas · 24/04/2023 15:19

I'd stop donating. Money I donate for the GC (I mean sums bigger than direct poscket money) is not for parental holiday trips.

I intend it to be saved for later use; maybe a Scout trip abroad; driving lessons, a musical instrument, university.

ReUseRepeat · 24/04/2023 15:19

It feels cheeky like you as a parent are benefitting from it when it's meant for your child. I think the child would benefit more from the savings when older, and you could save up to take them on any holidays in the meantime.

MotherPandJ · 24/04/2023 15:20

I agree on trips to Peppa Pig World and Legoland being ok. A holiday abroad absolutely no way it’s subbing the holiday for the adults.

Shodan · 24/04/2023 15:20

I must be something of an oddity I suppose because I wouldn't mind this at all, if I were the giver. In fact, I'd probably think it was a brilliant idea, if your DS is that much into Egypt.

Imo, if you want to save for a child's future, you either set up your own account to do so or you specify when you give the money that it is only for this purpose.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/04/2023 15:22

I think there's something about it that doesn't seem quite right.

CurlewKate · 24/04/2023 15:23

I'm not a grandparent but grandparent age. I would be absolutely fine with this. Also my parents and parents in law were more than fine when we asked if we could do this with money they had given our children. We did ask the children first, of course.

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/04/2023 15:24

I give money like this to my grandchildren, I wouldn't be bothered by this at all.

They have loads of clothes and toys, they love a holiday to Egypt.

Newbie198 · 24/04/2023 15:25

I think it’s a lovely idea! Your son will have a fabulous time, what a surprise that will be for him!

I wouldn’t dream of dictating how my ‘gift’ is spent, it’s a gift so none of my business, and in this case it will make the child really happy. Much happier than more toys and no I do not expect every tenner to be squirrelled away for something as dull as a Uni fund or house deposit. Sorry I know I’m in the minority but how boring!

Your son is young and interested in Egypt.
When mine were young, cash gifts might have gone on toys or whatever, but certainly also went on spending money for all the lovely places we’ve been to on holiday, they’ve great memories!

My adult children worked from 16 and have both saved enough for a small house deposit. Both worked through uni too to help with those costs.

Do it OP and have a lovely time!!

Wishimaywishimight · 24/04/2023 15:25

You're effectively getting your 4 year old to pay for his own holiday! Definitely not what grandparents had in mind I wouldn't think.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 24/04/2023 15:26

I don't get the general consensus here. I assume that the grandparent gave the money for you to buy something for the kid for their birthday. Would posters be happy if she did just that and bought him computer games or whatever little boys this age play with? I think it would be better spent on an experience for him. My mum gives me money for the wee ones birthday and Christmas to do stuff with her- she gave me money for a trip to the seaside centre last time.

Hellno45 · 24/04/2023 15:27

I think it depends on the gift giver. My parents gave us money for our children to buy what we wanted for them. I brought Merlin passes one year and paid for a holiday another year. They had day trips throughout the year that they wouldn't have had anyway. I think it's an issue if your told pop this in bobs savings account or buy Bob a toy he wants. Then the money is given with instructions and should be spent as instructed.

Willowthecrisp · 24/04/2023 15:29

Go. I don’t understand the problem at all. It’s also going to go up massively in price once you are tied to the school holidays. If I give a present to someone I want them to buy the best thing they can with it. He’s old enough to remember this forever. I don’t attach conditions to it. He would have an unbelievable time an you have to go as his carer. It’s not like you’re using his birthday money to sip cocktails by the pool while he splashes about alone.

RoseMartha · 24/04/2023 15:29

No. I would put it in his savings account. If he were older and he was going on a residential trip with school then that would be different as that is to benefit just him.

CuteCillian · 24/04/2023 15:31

I would see this as fine if it was run past me as an option. I might even want to join you!

AliasGrape · 24/04/2023 15:31

I wouldn’t mind at all as the giver.

Do they literally make it out in a cheque in his name, or give it to you?

If it’s just the cost of his flight £X:

Option 1) You pay £X from grandparents on the flight, and also add £X amount of your own money to child’s savings
Option 2) You pay £X from grandparents into his savings. You pay £X for flight yourself, and don’t add it to his savings.

Either way your son gets the trip to Egypt (which isn’t that different to paying for a class, day out or other experience for him all of which are reasonable uses of birthday money I think) plus £X in his savings. The fact he gets to have both is down to the generosity of grandparents which you acknowledge and make him aware of.

If you think they’d be bothered then do option 2, but honestly it ends up the same 🤷‍♀️

If you were putting his money towards YOUR flight/ holiday in general then of course that would be different.

SollaSollew · 24/04/2023 15:32

Experiences are just another kind of gift surely? I'm also not massively in favour of giving money with expectations of it being spent in a particular way though so if I was a gp and specifically wanted to save for a gc then I'd set up a savings account myself. Once the money's gone to the parents (as long as it's being spent on something for the child) it's their decision how to spend it.

toomuchlaundry · 24/04/2023 15:32

If the child is more into Egypt than lego, why is it wrong to spend it on a trip to Egypt but would be fine for a weekend break at Legoland.

If the child had absolutely no interest in Egypt but mum did then my answer would be different

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18