If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

I think you should be saving this money for your child for university or property etc.

If I keep saving like I am, which I am sure I will do, he will have 18k+ plus any money he saves himself for a house. I think that's a fair amount. Plus he will inherit heavily from great grandparents who have included him in both of their wills.

It's not your child's responsibility to pay for his own holiday, that's the sort of thing parents buy.
Yabu.

I’ve given money for my granddaughter’s birthday & Christmas presents (as well as a gift for her to open).
I trust her parents to keep it in her savings account for when she is older - towards a house deposit or similar. I’d be surprised if her parents chose to spend it on a family holiday instead, seems a bit cheeky

That money should be going into savings. Are you contributing to the savings account? If so, why not just put less in and put that towards your holiday? That way the money given to your son is going where the grandparent would prefer. They may like the idea that they've contributed to something important like driving lessons or university in the future, rather than your holiday. Can you ask them directly?

I wouldn't be happy with this particularly unless it meant the child might miss out on a holiday. But generally parents should be footing the whole bill for the cost of a holiday

So what you're saying is, that YOU want to go to Egypt and want to fund your child with their birthday and Christmas money from relatives? I'm not sure what a 4-year old will get from such a trip tbh. Sounds like you're just trying to justify spending your child's money on a holiday that you want to go on.

It sounds like you've made your mind up.

I would not dream of doing it. The money is there to build up for when they need it in future - uni, a car, a house deposit. No 4 year old needs to go to Egypt.

But that's the whole point he would still have the same amount in his savings if I balanced it out. I'd have to contribute less to his savings and the money from grandparents would mean he pretty much has the same in his savings. Fair enough if most think I'm being unreasonable though.

Yes, I think YABU

That is your DC's money. I've never met anyone who expected their DC to pay for a share of their family holiday, or at least not before the DC is adult and earning, and can decide for themselves what they spend their savings on.

I think this depends on the family.

In my culture, family members often give money and it's not expected that that is specifically set aside, it's a gift to help you with the costs of raising children. So I do what I want with that money.

My PIL are from a different culture and specifically ask for it to be set aside for the kids in savings accounts. I set their money aside as they request.

Yes I would mind!!! It's their birthday present and their savings.

I'm not fussed about where we go, he's Egypt obsessed and I want to surprise him. He doesn't know where we are going. Just that we're going on holiday.

I don't think it's for you to spend that money. If you can't afford a holiday without using your child's savings then don't go.

You mention your child having 18k by the time they're 18 and yes that's a good amount but actually if thinking about uni or a house deposit it's not going to be that much really.

A four year old is happy with a bucket and spade on the beach in Skegness. Eygpt is a holiday for you and he is paying for it.

I would be unhappy if money I gave to my grandchild was spent on a holiday for the family. I would expect it to be spent by my grandchild on something they have asked for and the rest to go in their savings for their future..
If I had given the parents some money for their birthday I would be ok if they used that to pay for a holiday but any money I give to my grandchild I expect them to have some say in how it is spent . Presumably your child hasn't said they want to go to Egypt?

Thats not why his grandparents are giving him the money. If you want to take him on holiday you need to pay for it.

Why on earth would you specifically want to take a 3/4 year old to Egypt though

Well, my mum is going to be at mine in 10 mins so I guess I will just mention it to her and see what she says.

He's Egypt obsessed. My friend recently went with her 2 and 5 year old and said it was the best holiday they ever had.

It's not your money, put it in an account for him and pay for your own holidays!

I take it you're not thinking of using the whole 4k on this holiday? How much would you be using?

YABU I'm afraid - I send a monthly direct debit to my god daughter - it will produce a nice lump sum for gap year travel, driving lessons or uni when she is older. I'd be very unhappy if it was used for family holidays - that's the parent's responsibility

It does matter that it is their money funding the trip rather than yours though. It means you get all the credit when you hand over that big chunk of savings in the future. His grandparents may want to do that for him, can you not see that? It really does matter to a lot of people.

Personally I think that’s totally out of order. A child can never have too much saved and if I was giving the money I’d be really pissed off that you were abusing the fact that he isn’t old enough to realise.

It would be massively cheeky to use the money so that you could have a cheaper holiday.
It's good that you're saving for him too but unless there was an emergency like he needed private medical care then I would expect the money to go towards his future eg house, uni, car