If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

I wouldn't be keen either. He'll need anything up to £60k for university/deposit and £10k for car, driving lessons and insurance.

A lot of people would see this as just paying for your holiday. At four he won't understand Egypt, a beach anywhere would be the same.

PILs specifically put a certain amount in our holiday fund every Christmas instead of lots of toys etc.

Any reason for this specific holiday? Visiting family would be more understandable than just a luxury beach holiday.

Sorry but yes I think that's extremely cheeky unless you've spoken to the grandparents in question and confirmed it's ok. Holidays are luxuries and should be paid for by parents, not out of gift money unless it's specifically given for that purpose.

For what it's worth I was Egypt crazy at 4-5 too, and my mum took me. I don't remember it at all but apparently I was miserable and gripey because of the heat and disappointed it wasn't all golden Scarabs and Pharaohs. Surely it'd be better to take him when he's older and can actually remember, appreciate and benefit from it in some way?

Like a PP, grandparents give my children cash on their birthday with the assumption it is spent on anything of their choice rather than long term savings (and my kids would be only too happy to spend on a holiday!)

At other milestone moments/religious holidays, they are gifted larger amounts (usually transferred straight into child’s bank account) with the intention this will be for their future.

We tend to save it all but my children’s grandparents would be delighted for the former to be used on a holiday.

OP, take your son to Egypt, it will be a real education for him. Live for the moment. Forgot his uni & mortgage for a while, he’s only 4!

Seems like I'm in the minority but I wouldn't care and neither would my parents, kids get so many toys an experience for them would be great. My mum and dad have said now my son is old enough they are going to stop the random presents etc and take him for days out instead which I think is similar to this. If it was money specially for saving's maybe that's different but I read this as gift money instead of toys so in my opinion those are 2 different things xx

We won't be going to a beach. He keeps talking about how he wishes he could see tutankhamun's Tomb and how he wishes he could see the pyramids 'for real life' instead of in his book. We've go to the British Museum monthly where he now knows how to get to the Egypt section so runs there whilst I try to keep up. I wanted to take him before he starts school.

Spending money to buy treats for your child on holiday - fine. Paying for the holiday in the first place - not fine.

I don't lay conditions on the gifts I give so I wouldn't mind at all if it was spent on something the child would enjoy.

Yabu, you should pay for it yourself imo

I wouldn't mind, especially if my grandson was Egypt obsessed like your son.

Everyone's different, I guess.

Can you do something like pay a terms worth of swimming lessons/drama/music/sport or whatever with the money instead so the child is getting the money spent on an activity directly for them?

I wouldn’t do it.

I also don’t think a 4 year old will appreciate Egypt. We took a 4 year old to India, did masses, camel and elephant rides etc. All they remember is being given a chocolate bar by a member staff in a hotel.

YABU, I wouldn’t dream of doing this. Why would you pay for your holiday and expect a 4 year old to also pay for theirs, that’s your responsibility as a parent and it’s out of order. I understand if your child is already working but you can’t be telling a 4 year old that you want to use their gift money for flight, they’ll obviously say yes because they want to travel but that’s just a ridiculous thing to do.

Yeah, I don't think that's OK, you're taking advantage.

Ask your mum OP. She is the only person who knows what the boundaries are around her gift to her grandson. Certainly I wouldn't assume this was OK if I were you, and would be upset if my DD did this without asking.

There's an obsession with hoarding money on here. Most people I know are happy to give money towards a holiday. Eygpt is a really reasonable holiday, price wise. My eldest GC has picked a holiday for her Birthday since she was four. I don't find that those site reflects RL.

Yabu, the money is for your child's future to help them financially not for a holiday you want. Besides that a 4yr old won't care about a holiday to Egypt. Why can't you save your own money and go when you've saved enough?

YABVU Expecting a 4 year old to pay for his own holiday. Just dreadful. What happens if he runs out of savings when he is older- will he have to stay at home when you go away as he has not been able to afford his share.

YABU. It’s for his future not a family holiday that if you can’t afford without this money, shouldn’t be happening.

Personally I'd never take money from my kids accounts. Paying for holidays etc is surely your responsibility as his parent, it's not like he 16 and has the autonomy to say whether or not he even wants to go.

If you can’t afford to do it with your own money, you can’t afford to go at all

Totally disagree with the majority here.

I would say absolutely fine to use it in that way and know that my parents who give our DC know we use money in that way and have no issue.

We don't wipe out their savings but use some of it towards the holiday/ clothes specific for the holiday and outings when we are there. We will say to grandparents if they got a specific tracksuit for the airport that they used some of their savings etc.

We are comfortable, the kids have more than enough toys and savings still in their accounts. Don't want for anything, will have cars/ property when they're old enough due to other measures DH and I have in place. Really don't see the issue.

I think money from grandparents should go into his savings, and then you save less for him and use the money you don't save for him for the holiday.

It might well come to the same thing eventually but psychologically it is different.

Why don't you give less yearly and pay in grandparents' money?