Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

439 replies

HarperElla · 24/04/2023 14:46

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 24/04/2023 16:09

Manichean · 24/04/2023 16:03

The money is usually gifted for the child's savings. I have heard parents say any gifts go in the family coffers. This is just stealing.

@Manichean

dont be silly

TheExchange · 24/04/2023 16:12

Firstly why can’t you pay for the trip out of his savings you have put away fir your DC and save the birthday and Christmas money gifts from relative?
Secondly I totally get what’s it’s like having a travel obsessed DC, some DC are so interested in the wider world even at a ridiculously young age.
My youngest knew all the flags, currency, capitals and population at a crazy young age, all of which was self taught.
We received loads of little digs from my in laws, why are you going to Cuba, Argentina, Brazil, Egypt etc etc, your DC would be just as happy going to Devon. I never retaliated and said why don’t you try something other than a cottage in the UK or gite in France?
OP widen your DC’s horizons and do so by switching his savings around so that you are paying for the trip.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/04/2023 16:15

You could just as easily say “it’s going into savings” and that less of the 1k savings per year came from you, and you were paying for the holiday.

Iwasafool · 24/04/2023 16:15

HarperElla · 24/04/2023 14:46

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

I'm a bit confused (not that unusual.) If you put £1k a year into his savings plus presents from other people and he is 4 then shouldn't he have more than £4k in his savings?

Apart from that I give money to my GC for birthdays and Christmas. The older ones have the money and save or spend as they wish, the younger ones I always tell them and their parents it is for whatever they want to do with it, no strings attached, so the parents and children all get money and if they want that for a holiday it's fine. If people say they want it for a special reason then it should be used for that, if they have just given money with no strings I think it is up to you and your son.

MargaretThursday · 24/04/2023 16:15

HarperElla · 24/04/2023 14:55

Well, my mum is going to be at mine in 10 mins so I guess I will just mention it to her and see what she says.

Put directly like that she may well say she doesn't mind, even if she does. It can be hard when something is done like that out of the blue.

I wouldn't like it. It's clearly you wanting to go to Egypt and using his money as others have said. I wouldn't mind you saving for something he wanted, or an experience which is for him.

LadyPenelope68 · 24/04/2023 16:16

uniresearch2023 · 24/04/2023 14:52

So what you're saying is, that YOU want to go to Egypt and want to fund your child with their birthday and Christmas money from relatives? I'm not sure what a 4-year old will get from such a trip tbh. Sounds like you're just trying to justify spending your child's money on a holiday that you want to go on.

This exactly. Your 4 year old child won’t care less whether or not they’re going on holiday to Egypt, so IMO totally unreasonable to use the money. You’d actually paying for you as well and it’s not your money.

StaunchMomma · 24/04/2023 16:16

Asking him to keep some for spending money is one thing - actually putting it towards the holiday is quite another, IMO.

We should cover the costs of family holidays, not the children.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/04/2023 16:16

If you weren’t putting anything into his savings and don’t think I’d think differently

SophiaSW1 · 24/04/2023 16:19

I wouldn't do that. You are benefitting/taking away from their gift. I would safe it all if they have too many toys.

Bluebells1970 · 24/04/2023 16:23

I would be fuming if DD did this with the money I've saved for the grandkids. I save for their futures ie college, uni, learning to drive... not an AI to Egypt that they won't remember. I think you're bordering into CF'er territory with this one, sorry.

crosstalk · 24/04/2023 16:29

If your 4 year old is mad on Egypt - and it sounds as if it's history - then I wouldn't as a GP mind. But it does require vaccinations and insurance, and Sudan is appalling at the moment so I'd keep an eye on FO advice (for what it's worth). I'd be more keen to spread his interest to similar old history eg Orkneys. Also if you do a two centre (Cairo/Sharm al Sheikh) so swimming is involved, it's v expensive.

TeapotElephant · 24/04/2023 16:29

I think YABU. My parents do this for DC and it’s their money for their life. It’s not mine to touch or decide what to do with it, not to pay for holidays or experiences. When DC turn 18 they will have access to a decent amount as some relatives have been generous. I don’t have much money and there are lots of things I could do with it to support the family, but it’s not my money., it’s DCs money for their future.

Sorry, but I liken parents using their kids money as theft. It isn’t yours, it’s been given to your child for them. If when they’re older they want to contribute towards a holiday then you can discuss it, but I don’t think it’s right to take their money for a holiday they will likely not remember much of.

MoggyMittens23 · 24/04/2023 16:31

I disagree with the majority and think it’s fine! Glad your mum does too it will l be a fab experience

Newmum0322 · 24/04/2023 16:32

You are obviously being unreasonable.

If you can’t afford a holiday, why don’t you put your money aside for that (instead of saving for your child) and the money from relatives can be saved In it’s place?

You can’t spend the money gifted to your child on a holiday AND in the same breath claim that you’re the one saving for their future 🙈

amiold · 24/04/2023 16:33

I think the money which was gifted for him is ok to pay for his holiday but you should pay for your own and not use your sons money for a holiday.

Maray1967 · 24/04/2023 16:36

Oysterbabe · 24/04/2023 14:50

It's not your child's responsibility to pay for his own holiday, that's the sort of thing parents buy.
Yabu.

I agree with this.
Sorry OP but this money should not be subsidising a family holiday. You don’t need to go to Egypt. This is bound to look like you want to go but can’t afford to take the family so are subbing it from his birthday money.
I get that you think he has more than enough toys but it should be saved for uni, first car, house deposit - not for his mum’s holiday to Egypt.

Original poster
HarperElla · 24/04/2023 16:36

amiold · 24/04/2023 16:33

I think the money which was gifted for him is ok to pay for his holiday but you should pay for your own and not use your sons money for a holiday.

That's exactly what I'm doing. It is paying for most of his flight.

OP posts:
Blueroses99 · 24/04/2023 16:37

If Egypt is what he is interested in, then go for it. Seems like quite a lot of people on here are thinking luxury AI resort type holiday, more for your benefit than his, which is not what you have described in your posts at all. Some children do have passionate interests, why not indulge them where possible, a trip to Egypt would be a million times more of an experience than a visit to a museum or reading about it in books.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 24/04/2023 16:37

I don't know why people are struggling with the idea that OP either pays her £85 a month into savings for him, and uses the available present cash for the holiday, or she doesn't pay into savings and instead uses that money for holiday and the cash stays where it is? It's the same money, just not dipping into a savings account to get it.

YANBU. I guess you're lucky you have quite a lot of money available for him - my mum set up a savings account for my three boys and they've had the option to take funds out to buy a new bike or whatever when that's been out of reach. Even 4 year olds can have a say sometimes.

Original poster
HarperElla · 24/04/2023 16:39

Maray1967 · 24/04/2023 16:36

I agree with this.
Sorry OP but this money should not be subsidising a family holiday. You don’t need to go to Egypt. This is bound to look like you want to go but can’t afford to take the family so are subbing it from his birthday money.
I get that you think he has more than enough toys but it should be saved for uni, first car, house deposit - not for his mum’s holiday to Egypt.

Show quote history

It's not 'my holiday to Egypt'. If I could choose to go anywhere I wouldn't choose Egypt. I'm taking him because he literally cried when he saw a block from a pyramid in a museum and said it was the best thing he ever saw. Literally a block of stone. It's his holiday.

OP posts:
Justgorgeous · 24/04/2023 16:42

Yes. You are being very unreasonable. Did he say he wanted to go to Egypt ? That’s for HIS future.

Original poster
HarperElla · 24/04/2023 16:44

Justgorgeous · 24/04/2023 16:42

Yes. You are being very unreasonable. Did he say he wanted to go to Egypt ? That’s for HIS future.

You say that as if it would make the world of difference if he had said he wanted to go to Egypt, am I correct?

OP posts:
rubadubdubascrubinahottub · 24/04/2023 16:47

No matter how many times SO many people say YABU you will disagree and think it is ok for you to use that money to fund your family holiday so Crack on Cleopatra.

sleepymama3 · 24/04/2023 16:48

I think yanbu. If the money was a gift with no strings attached, then as long as the recipient ie. your son is benefiting from it, I don't see the issue. It's not as if you're buying yourself new shoes with it. If your mum said that she wanted to contribute to his future, then it would be unreasonable to spend it ó a holiday.....

Original poster
HarperElla · 24/04/2023 16:48

rubadubdubascrubinahottub · 24/04/2023 16:47

No matter how many times SO many people say YABU you will disagree and think it is ok for you to use that money to fund your family holiday so Crack on Cleopatra.

Well yes of course I disagree now I've spoken to my mum and she says this is exactly what she would want the money to be spent on, so my gut was right when I thought initially that it was a good idea.

OP posts: