If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

@HarperElla theres absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing financially in my opinion.

you are putting money into your child’s savings account AND taking you child on holiday. The child has more money in his savings than has been gifted by others.

you are being financially astute and avoiding penalties from the bank for withdrawing funds.

however you are making one very big error in my opinion, and that is sharing the details with those who think they have the right to an opinion AFTER they have made a gift !! & without understanding the full situation.

a “thank you, I’ll add it to his savings” is all that’s required.
If you spend the £50 cash in Asda, but transferred £50 from your bank account to his, no one needs to know the detail !! The result is as intended.

don’t give people information to object to & then they can’t find fault in half the story!

OP, people are being so rude to you! I think you were right to ask your mum (because it might have been a bit off if she did mind), but the fact that she doesn't is great. Have a great holiday. I think even if he doesn't remember the details, your son will have a sense that he is loved, valued and you care about him getting to have these types of experiences. On some level, that will make a positive difference to his sense of self. Carry on and ignore the haters!

I literally don’t see a problem with this. My DC’s have and got tons of toys for Christmas, any money they got last year we used to book a holiday this year. The kids had the best time, it was a completely child focused holiday with activities etc. None of them have any savings yet, I wasn’t afforded that luxury and I’ve done ok! Depends what’s important to your family I think. The kids still talk about the holiday months later and we’ve booked to go again! (We’re paying monthly ourselves this time though.)

I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday.

I assume this is a sibling?

It's a bit odd because why does the OP have to justify it to a 4 year old just because someone else in the family objects?

The child needs to know nothing about the 'words' between two adults. Unless he was party to the row and the OP needs to 'explain'.

A bit weird.

Presumably the row with the sibling/ cousin, whoever, has made her question her own judgement.

But based on her replies here, and the agreement of granny who gave the money, she wasn't going to take on board any comments.

I don't see why not

as parent, you pay for everything for your child. Clothes, childcare, food, holidays

If the relative wants child to have a gift, they fan buy one instead of giving cash

However! Why does a four year old need to go to Egypt? Is that more for your benefit?

I don't understand why you think that it is important to save for your four year old, and yet you could just not do that, and pay for the holiday. Parents should pay for holidays, there is not need to save for your child, leave that to the grandparents, or don't you trust yourself not to use the money well?

I think its fine 🤷🏼‍♀️ but then any money people give my kids doesn't get saved, it is spent on what they want.

I don't really get this obsession with saving for kids, we spend and give them experiences etc for them to enjoy now.

Could you not pay into his savings account for a couple of months and use that money instead?
seems bizarre to use gifted money to pay for a holiday that I can’t imagine the 4 year old has expressed wishes to go on 🤔.

YANBU. Have the best time.

I saved every penny my dad gifted to my daughter. Unfortunately my brother didn’t do the same for his son, he spent all of it, and not on his son, shameful.

If you’re saving already for your son that’s great. I do think it’s a tad unfair that you’re using this money for him to pay for his own holiday, bizarre.

Yanbu, take him away, have the best time. What a wonderful way to spend time before he starts school and what a fab adventure for you both.
You could have spent the £400 on plastic toys that get discarded after a few months. Instead your spending it on giving him the best memories.

Nice problem to have 😌

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you've planned and completely disagree with posters saying it's being given for his future. I actually asked my family if they were happy for me to put some of the kids birthday / Christmas money into the account for their future (they were) as, unless it's been explicitly said that's what it is for, I would expect it to be for treats and wants. I do think it's right that you've checked with the givers that they are happy with the plan, as it is clear from this thread that not everyone would be, and I'd probably make a big deal when you tell him Egypt, maybe wrap up the tickets and any bits he needs with a big tag with everyone's name on it so it feels like a present (I know you're only talking about flights but it's just for a representation of how all of his family have helped make this whole holiday happen). Finally, I love holidays and think these experiences are very important and we go away without guilt tripping ourselves over how we could overpay the mortgage with that money instead. It's all a balance.

Put the gift money in the savings, top it up to the 1k a year mark and spend the rest (equal to the gift money) on the holiday
Just word it differently

@HarperElla if the persons that have gifted the money are happy with it being used towards an holiday and your son is obsessed with Egypt, then go for it. You are saving for him so whether you save a bit less yourself and put the money of the gifts (which when deposited do not have the name of the gifters on it) or you do it like this, it is potato/potatoe.

My son is obsessed with dinosaurs most of his life. Does he remember visits from years ago, yes he still does. So, if you believe that this is the best experience for your son, why not enjoy it. Everybody takes different decisions and in your posts I read how much you love to give your boy a new and unexpected experience.

YABU by stealing his birthday money. It should be either to buy a gift if his choice or put in savings to spent by him on things he wants, when he’s older.
mid you want a holiday with your child, you pay for it.

Does everyone actually put birthday/Christmas money away for uni/house deposit? My kids (9 & 14) get theirs put into their accounts and they generally spend it on what they want, normally FIFA points and tat from Claire’s!

If they wanted to go somewhere and I couldn’t afford it then they can use their money to put towards it 🤷‍♀️

Op I’d use the money and take him to Egypt!

When I was 8 and my brother 10, my mum used our savings accounts to pay for a trip to Florida including the theme parks. We had never been abroad and she wouldn’t have been able to afford it as a single parent without using our savings. I’m glad she did this. It still holds a special place in my memories and I didn’t mind that this then meant we didn’t have that money towards a house deposit. In our family and with my in-laws as well we always gift money for an experience or towards what ever needs paying for E.g swimming lessons. If you are in the position where you can’t afford these experiences for children without the gifted money then why not use it. I had a fantastic childhood growing up and then just had to work harder to save as an adult instead of having it all handed to me in a lump sum.

I’m confused as to why so many people say YABU, unless the grandparents suggested this money is for their future most people who give money for special occasions assume this is going to spent on something like toys, the child will need spending money on holiday so this money could go towards this? I would much rather the money be put towards something that was a life experience visiting real life pyramids than a few toys when he already has plenty. Take him on his life experience and enjoy it unless the grandparents object

I think what you’re doing is fine, money is money, who says that the money they gave you is what’s paying for the holiday. Compared with the money you are putting in his savings, what difference does it actually make. I spend Christmas/birthday money on whatever is needed at the time, it might be a day trip, it might be a new toy, new football boots. Once it’s gifted it’s yours to do with as you see fit and if taking your child on holiday to create memories is what you want to do then crack on and have a great time. It’s no one’s business how you paid for that and you do not need to explain yourself to family.

Agree with this

I’ve tried to read through this but have given up. Do you have ANY idea how much things will cost when he finally reaches 18?! I have 4 kids and would love to think that I could ‘steal’ from kids because they’re so rich. But…. In 14 years time house prices will be beyond reach for most people. Maybe instead of taking his money you should be adding to it. Secondly, many 4 years can’t remember being 4 when they get to 18! Some remember vaguely but most will only have tiny flash backs. Are you seriously intending to give yourselves a family holiday in anyway paid for by your child’s savings for something that they’re unlikely to remember much of when they get to 18? Ugh! You’re stealing from him. If you want to go to Egypt then pay for it yourselves. Just count yourself lucky that he will engage and have a lovely time thus giving you a relatively stress free time yourselves.

The point being that 8 year olds can remember loads more at 18 that 4 year olds. Our youngest years are a blur for most of us. That said Autistic kids such as my eldest CAN remember very far back but OP doesn’t indicate if their child is autistic and even then, whilst my eldest does have better memories of years 1 - 5 it’s still a blur. At 8 going to Disney can be seared into a person’s memory. But not at 4. As a Psychologist I’m happy to stay that this goes for the average person, but accept that there will be exceptions out there.

? Why would your son want a holiday to Egypt at age 4? Sounds like this is something YOU want. The money should be spent on activities for him.