If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

That would be the end of me gifting any money, TBH.

If you can't afford the holiday without dipping into what you put away for him, I think it's fine. However, he's 4yo. He's unlikely to remember much about a holiday, so I'd suggest going to Egypt when he will remember it - its such a great country to visit it'd be a shame for him not to remember it. Wouldn't it be better taking him to a lively spot in the UK where it'll be less travel and risk - water in Egypt is still unsafe and biting insects can be hard to fend off.

Reduce the amount you put away and save the grandparents money.
but in all honesty with a 5k saving pot who’s gonna know who’s £150quid is in there or not.

I had a similar thing with child benefit- I put half of the money into a savings and use the other half for toys etc. however I get paid before the child benefit usually so I spend from wage. The child benefit then pays into my account and gets spent. A family member told me I should be waiting for the child benefit to be paid before spending and not to use it for anything t else.
it’s not like that £1 is labelled child benefit in my purse.

pause the savings and go on the holiday before he starts school.
you won’t regret building the memories.

You asked for advice, but have disagreed with the advice given. what a waste of a thread.

also you mention your mum is fine, what about the other family members. I wouldn’t be fine with this. Use your own money for your holidays as it’s your responsibility to pay for your child.

Personally I would avoid Egypt. It’s not a place for a young kid in my opinion. Fine if staying in resort but doesn’t sound like you are. Also everyone I know who has been has got really bad stomach flu.

I'd use it. If you asked him what gift he wanted from his GPS money I'm sure he'd rather say Egypt than more toys. It's better than buying more crap he doesn't need.

Go and have an amazing time.

YABU for using 'gifted', when will this word die!

YABU about the money, it belongs to your child. No, don't use the child's money for a holiday, that's cheeky. Save it for him until he's old/mature enough to have a say.

A further random thought from me, @HarperElla. Having been in your position with a child with equally all-consuming obsessions, the only other thing I'd say is that if you do have a child who's this way inclined, there's a lot to be said for putting them in the way of things and opportunities that don't tie in with their obsessions. I know that if you took your child to a beach for the day he'd spend the day making sand pyramids and talking about all things Egypt - but he'd also be taking in other things too. This is a bit clumsily put - but you might find that if you took him to Amsterdam, to choose a random example, you might just find that his interest is piqued by something else. And even if it isn't, he'll still be taking in new things. I'll shut up now!

^^This.

His idea of Egypt is nowhere close to reality. He is likely to be disappointed. I don't think you have thought hard enough about the crowds, possible tummy bugs, heat, and general tiredness these trips will include, as well as the threats of violence.

He's barely more than a toddler- a similar thread was asking the same thing about a 3 year old toddler (was that you too?)

IMO it's something he might appreciate more at 7 or older.

Not sure why you feel he has to do this 'before he starts school'.

I don't see who pays for his flight as relevant now because his gran has okay-ed it.

Maybe you should have waited 10 minutes before she arrived, to ask her, before posting?

Obviously at 4, he's only going to be able to criticise you with hindsight, when he finds out you raided his piggy bank for a flight for a holiday. How much is the flight? £500-ish?

How do people know it’s for the child’s future? When my parents have gave money gifts it’s for them to enjoy, it’s not got a condition attached

Personally I would save up until I had enough to pay for it all even if that meant taking him during term time, it’s an educational holiday anyway.

Surely the before school is do they can go outside school holidays and it being cheaper

I assume OP posted to get other people’s opinions (that’s what MN is for!) before mentioning it to her mum. If it had been a resounding 100% one way or the other she might not have to mention it to her mum.

@Harry12345 that’s what I was wondering. Relatives would sometimes send us money for DS’s birthday, Christmas etc, usually about £20. Was I really expected to put this in a house deposit pot when he was 4.

Well I think it sounds fabulous and I’m sure you’ll have a brilliant time.

You are very obviously being very unreasonable getting a four year old to pay for his own holiday. Its also very obvious you are being selfish and don't care.

If I give you or your child money, it’s totally up to you what you do with it. Literally not my business. A gift with conditions is not a gift!! Have a good holiday if that’s what you decide to do :-)

Center Parcs was DS’s holiday of choice. If he was given birthday money would it be wrong if we used that money to pay for an activity he wanted to do there (probably cost nearly the same as a flight to Egypt 😂)

We get money from family for my children instead of presents. It is only ever saved. Actually, sometimes I end up buying a gift, because some of the people like seeing DC playing with the toy or whatever. But actually, the money is still saved.

YNBU - at birthdays my family often gift the odd little bit of birthday money, £10, £20, £50. I don’t specifically put that to one side for that specific child, it just gets spent around the time of their birthday. So for example, if we go for a day out we’ve got a little extra money in our pocket for ice creams, treats etc in one way or another it makes their birthday more enjoyable.

If my family gifted a large amount for a specific child I would think that is a little different and I would put that away in a savings account for them but 20 quid is just an alternative to buying them some plastic toy that will get forgotten about in minutes.

If you’ve saved all the little bits of money you’ve been given then taking him on an amazing holiday sounds like a lovely idea. Especially as it sounds like your being very sensible and saving for his future anyway. Don’t listen to all the negativity, enjoy the time with your child while you can. If your family have a problem with you doing this then they should just stop giving you money and buy a present instead!

OP go ahead and do what you want personally I would do as you suggest but if anyone asks say you paid for it and the money they gift goes in his bank accoun. Once cash has been given as a gift it's up to the parent to use it how they see fit. And if you want to tell family members you've used their money towards a holiday then maybe send flowers or a little gift to let them know you appreciate their gift.
Nobody needs to know your business, and well done on being an awesome human being.

@Snugglemonkey if the relatives like to see them with a toy then surely that is what they are wanting you to spend the money on

I wouldn't mind, although I'd prefer if the money was set aside to do something specific for him where he will enjoy/benefit. Eg. 'Thanks Granny we used your £50 to pay for admission to the pyramids. Sam had a great time!'

Oysterbabe · Yesterday 14:50
It's not your child's responsibility to pay for his own holiday, that's the sort of thing parents buy.
Yabu.”

Agree.

I don't think they would mindwhst the money is spent on, as long as long as it is for the child, but they do enjoy seeing dc happy with a toy. They have too many toys though, so we can't spend it all on toys. Ds got £300 for his 6th birthday. Plus toys. So we just put it in his account, go to a toy shop and let him pick something.

OP, in the grand scheme of the rest of your wee boy's life it is hardly earth-shattering to use a few hundred quid for a flight. To assuage any guilt you might feel, just top up his savings a little extra in the coming months/years so you've replaced the £400 or so. And so what if he won't remember it? He'll enjoy it in the moment. (Same reasoning I used when I regularly rang my granny with dementia - she loved to hear from us even though she wouldn't remember it. The moment still matters.)

If you have told those people that's what you are doing with the money then that's fine in my eyes. My family gave the girls to save for Disney for spending money it was kept for that as that's what the girls asked for from everyone for Xmas and birthdays l.

YABU to say ‘gifted’.