To tell her to poke her wedding!

[Littlepicker]

My wedding (nearly 20 years ago now) involved all of my family members. We have a small family so I had my cousins as bridesmaids and ushers.
This year one of the cousins/bridesmaid is getting married. We got sent our invite but my two children haven’t been invited.
There are literally 20 of us in the family, so obviously my (impeccably behaved) children have been taken off the list to make way for friends.
AIBU to be absolutely furious? I have declined the invitation, much to other family members’ shock, because I feel so strongly that this is not right.
AIBU or is my cousin?

How well does your cousin know your kids? If my cousin invited me to their wedding and not my kids I would go and have a lovely child free time. Tells them to poke it is a bit rude.

I would invite a friend I see regularly over a cousins child I rarely saw.

That's what a hen and stag do are for! Weddings aren't (in my mind) for getting completely shit faced and throwing up on the dance floor... yea I did that at my hen party, my wedding I had a few glasses of champers/wine throughout the day, I remember it all. We did have a free bar though and some people did go a bit wild, my cousin could barely stand (their children were very little and the bridesmaids I'll add!). So yes people do still get blind drunk even when kids are invited, there were around 20 children at our wedding most were under 5. It definitely didn't ruin the vibe, a free bar on a hot summers day was still hammered, although not by me!

YABFR* to be this upset. If you push it your dc won't be the only ones not invited.

*Fucking ridiculous..

Who wants to spend their wedding day surrounded by / catering for other people's kids???

You want your friends and adult family members there to have social fun time with and who will enjoy the day with you. Not play ring-a-fucking-Rosie on the dance floor.

Doesn't matter what you did for your wedding.

Jeeezzz get over yourself.

Maybe she just doesn’t want you or your foul attitude there so hoped that by not inviting the children you’d turn it down ;)

job done well for her!

I went to a smashing wedding just before Christmas.

Loads of children! Mine (adults) were invited but couldn’t go due to work. B&G were paying the bulk of the costs. Loads of family, most distant relative I’m aware of was the brides’s mother’s cousin and her two children. There were probably about 10 children under 16 years old and it was a lovely warm family affair.

I’ve only been to one child free wedding. It was pleasant but VERY formal and not full of smiles and laughter which is how I personally think weddings should be.

We had a child free wedding.

Its not an unusual thing…

Weddings are actually about the 2 people getting married. Anyone else who has an invite to witness that is privileged.

It's not a privilege if you'd rather spend time with your family.

This can’t be real

@GoodChat

eh? You can spend time with your family any time! A wedding is a special event!

My thoughts as well!

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family. As a 50 year old grown up I have absolutely no contact with my aunt, uncle and cousins. No falling out or anything, we just did a few family things when I was a kid but as soon as I became an adult, we went our separate ways.

I have however, got 5 friends I've known for 35 years that I love very much.

The OP is also banging on about there only being 20 family members...That to me is a lot.

Also, anyone who calls their own lids impeccably behaved gives me the old red flags.

Sorry OP, posting anything in AIBU is a risk I wouldn't take, but posting on a Sunday night quite late is really very brave. Nobody ever reads anything, they shoot first.

I hate weddings, everyone turns into twats. Guests get offended that their children aren’t invited and they turn usually reasonable people into raging megalomaniacs

weddings are about family, not getting drunk and lewd.

Why are you making things up, or at least bringing in points that are nothing to do with the OP's question, or the thread ?

Weddings aren't (in my mind) for getting completely shit faced and throwing up on the dance floor

Again, who - apart from you - is even suggesting this ? What has it got to do with the question ?

But if there's 20 in your family, how many are on the other side of your cousin's family? How many family are on her fiance's side? How many children are there? Do they know your children? What size is the wedding/reception venue? Do you see your cousin?

Like others on here, my husband is only in regular contact with 4 out of 6 of his cousins. I'm not in contact with my 2 cousins. No falling out, just we've moved away with uni/work so just haven't seen them to maintain contact. Out of 4x cousin weddings...

• one invite for us and the kids (we went)
• one invite for us only (no kids), we declined due to no overnight childcare (all at the wedding) and distance to go there/back in a day childfree.
• two no invites at all
• four cousins are yet to get married. At a guess I would imagine of those, we might get one whole family invite and three no invites.

I definitely don't think our family trump people the B&G see all the time. I also don't expect them to invite unknown children especially as they don't know how we parent.

I know it can feel a bit hurtful but lots of people don’t want kids in their wedding, regardless of who they are. We had a family-friendly wedding and kids spoiled a few aspects of the day, including the ceremony. I laugh it off now but I remember thinking mid-ceremony how I wish I listened to all the people who said only invite breastfeeding babies, nieces and nephews etc. Also older, “impeccably behaved” ones as you said look so bored in my photos and one older kid with a face particularly like a slapped arse kind of spoils what should be a really special photo. I just don’t think they are really child-friendly and we really tried to accommodate children of all ages in a number of ways. Honestly, we try not to take ours to weddings if we can avoid it as kids will be kids.

BUT people who have child-free weddings should not be surprised when they get guests declining invitations when their little angels aren’t invited. We have done that too when they are abroad and things and we’ve had very young kids who I refused to leave at home with my folks while we went abroad!

Varies a lot depending on the circle. I went to a few child free weddings in my 20s but they were only child free because the couple were young and none of their guests had children. The vast majority of weddings I've been to have had children included.

Do you have an opinion on the actual thread @nomoredriving ?

I think she’s well within her rights to prioritise friends (or maybe adult members of the groom’s family?) over a cousin’s children. What you did re her when she was a child herself is neither her nor there - plus your relationship to her is first cousin, whereas your children are (I think) her cousin’s once removed.

It’s fine not to go, but not fine to be in a mood about it.

A lot of brides lately are into the insta-perfect beige/muted tones, giant tacky displays, children-free and pouty pose weddings. If that's your thing then your choice I guess.
For myself a wedding is a family event, it's a joining together of two families and that includes bringing together the children for the celebration.
Weddings seem to have changed a lot over the years along with the general at attitude to marriage etc. I've even seen people advertising a wedding nanny service! We kept it simple and did activity packs for the kids to keep them occupied during the boring waiting about bits.
The kids were all still dancing at the end of the night so not sure why someone above implied parents leave weddings early! Must be a bloody dull wedding if anyone's leaving early....
OP you aren't being unreasonable to feel how you feel, people can feel however they like about a situation. Your cousin is also not really being unreasonable either, she just has the current modern take on marriages I'm guessing. Let her have her day with her pals and you can do something special for you and your children instead.

They don't want your children there, they clearly aren't that bothered about you being there either. It's up to them, their wedding.

What makes you think they're not that bothered about OP?

Yes, I think not having children at a wedding is a huge shame?

I also think that people cannot even read or comprehend the simplest of statements, such is there want to stick the boot in. Makes them look very stupid.