About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

I have been in very similar situations with people complaining when we have been taken through o resus straight away so I get how stressful it was.

but yes you where unreasonable and could have ended up getting yourself thrown out of the hospital which wouldn’t have helped anyone.

hope you get the bottom of the cause

A+E with kids is a very stressful environment and tempers can flare very quickly.

You probably should not have sworn but I might have done the same in the heat of the moment while worrying about daughter.

At the end of the day, no harm was done to anyone really, and it is understandable. Lesson learned I'd say not to be repeated! Glad girlie is ok.

Sometimes these people just need to be told to get fucked. they can just go round abusing people and not be called out on it. Good on you

Can’t. Lol

what a nightmare- how awful . He is being an idiot, you have done nothing wrong, dont worry

Technically you were BU of course but I would probably have done the same tbh. I've learned from bitter experience though that things like this never go well. People who don't know the context will fixate on the fact that you swore etc, so it's never worth it.
What an arsehole though.

Perfectly fine.

I would have used way more colourful language.

Neither of you knew/know what the other person was there for so neither of you should be judging each other.

He shouldn’t have commented.
He shouldn’t have told on you and made an overworked doctor get involved in a pathetic squabble between adults.
You shouldn’t have sworn.
You shouldn’t have parked in the disabled place, but I understand why you did.

Well yes you were being unreasonable and so was he. But the point is a&e is a stressful place for all involved. You have no idea why they were there or what their circumstances were. He was being a knob for sure but escalating things when dr’s and nurses are already under pressure helps no one.

You shouldn't have sworn but understand why you did

He shouldn't have told on you for parking in a disabled space. Is he 8?

No you were not. He deliberately approached you and made accusations. In the moment, given everything going on, it's unsurprising you didn't have time to moderate. People who moan about waiting times in A and E whilst waiting in A and E are both too well to be there and using it for the wrong reasons and I say that as an NHS critic who thinks it should be put to sleep. Sod him. If they banned screens in A and E, half of the people waiting would get bored and go home.

I would have done the same as you

Oh and I see your point about parking in a disabled spot but it’s not ok to do that what if someone who had mobility difficulties had an equally urgent medical event and they had to park further away and try and walk?

When people rush other people to hospital in cars, in actual proper emergencies, where are they supposed to leave the car? I've often wondered.

YANBU. He was frustrated and took it out on you. Don't let him take up any more space in your mind.

I hope your daughter continues to improve and they get to the bottom of it.

I am not sure you attained the moral high ground however I understand why you reacted that way. I think A&E is stressful and can bring out the worst in us all.

Mumsnet is weird. Cut all contact with parents for sleeping during a sleepover but be expected to Google the hospital drop off arrangements and behave like a nice Boden mummy when child is near asphyxiated. Mum of the year on MN is an ever changing extreme.

I hope she's OK. I started my nut allergy around that age, it was scary but luckily it's just a rash now if I'm unlucky and sometimes nothing.

YANBU although I wouldn’t 100% condone your behaviour.

Personally I think the man was itching for an argument and clearly has no filter on who to go at for his target. I’m guessing you’re not the first person in his life to tell him to fuck off.

Dont give him any more of your headspace and concentrate on you and your dad. I hope they pinpoint quickly what she reacted to.

Oh get lost 😂😂😂

You don’t come across well, at all. As a parent, you were extremely worried about your child. As parents, why didn’t you assume this man and his partner were equally as worried about their child? What he said wasn’t even a personal snipe against you, just a moan at how long their child has had to wait for treatment.

It really didn’t mean you needed to comment and swear. If you had their long wait whilst simultaneously being worried about your daughter, would you take kindly someone saying that to you? It’s crass.

Parking in the disabled bay was wrong. What if a disabled person in a life threatening emergency needed that space? It just comes across that you felt your daughter was more important than anyone else. Which is obviously going to be the case for most parents but don’t act shocked when people rightfully call you out.

I wouldn't have retorted back so crassly to him. At the end of the day, your child was being seen to and cared for. His wasn't. The parking and everything else is totally understandable. I hope your daughter recovers fully soon.

He was out of order for complaining that you were seen first that is how it works. I have been seen instantly when DS had a non blanching rash and waiting for ages when he had broken arm and leg (separate occasions).

you were though for your response, for saying that she was on the phone so can’t be that bad and leaving the car in a disabled space

YANBU. If its an emergency and you are panicked - how the hell are you supposed to know where the emergency parking is potentially in a hospital you've never been to? You just instinctively park and go. I wouldn't judge anyone for that. And he needs to mind his business.