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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/04/2023 16:18

I am normally first to say don’t park in a disabled space if you don’t have a blue badge but if the a and e doesn’t have any other drop off zone then the OP did what felt right at the time (but moving the car at the first possible chance)

CustardySergeant · 23/04/2023 16:19

All you had to do was state what should have been obvious to this person, which is that patients are triaged meaning that they are treated in order of urgency not arrival. No need to have said "get fucked", although I do understand that your emotions were heightened and you saw red.

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 23/04/2023 16:19

ReadersD1gest · 23/04/2023 16:14

The other couple also had a daughter who means more to them than anyone else 😵‍💫
They moaned about the wait, they weren't even speaking directly to op.
I'm stunned that a poster up thread claiming to work as an A & E receptionist would be quietly rooting for someone screeching "Get fucked!" at someone else who wasn't even engaging with them. Ridiculous muppet.

Show quote history

That was in regards to the parking... If you read my whole comment you would have seen I didn't agree with the shouting

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2023 16:19

I’m at the point with aggressive men where being classy really isn’t my problem anymore
Same here.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/04/2023 16:19

All the people saying you shouldn't of parked in a disabled space, so what would you of done drove around to find an acceptable parking space while your child dies in the car.

LadyKenya · 23/04/2023 16:20

Uselesslyuseless · 23/04/2023 15:41

You don’t come across well, at all. As a parent, you were extremely worried about your child. As parents, why didn’t you assume this man and his partner were equally as worried about their child? What he said wasn’t even a personal snipe against you, just a moan at how long their child has had to wait for treatment.

It really didn’t mean you needed to comment and swear. If you had their long wait whilst simultaneously being worried about your daughter, would you take kindly someone saying that to you? It’s crass.

Parking in the disabled bay was wrong. What if a disabled person in a life threatening emergency needed that space? It just comes across that you felt your daughter was more important than anyone else. Which is obviously going to be the case for most parents but don’t act shocked when people rightfully call you out.

This 💯

IhearyouClemFandango · 23/04/2023 16:20

Presumably he was just having a moan and not at you. Chill the fuck out.

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 23/04/2023 16:21

yeahscience · 23/04/2023 16:12

Missing the point of the thread, but you really should have called an ambulance.

Anaphylactic shock is a life threatening emergency. Paramedics would have deployed medication at the scene and monitored her on the way to hospital. What would you have done if her airway swelled so much she stopped breathing whilst in the car.

If you had taken the appropriate action than the whole situation in A&E and with parking would have been avoided.

I get your point, but it may have taken less time for her to get to the hospital than for her to phone an ambulance, explain the condition and then wait for the paramedics. I work in a gp and we waited for 4 hours for an ambulance for a man in an emergency situation. It may have been the right thing, but you can understand why she may have felt it safer to take matters into her own hands

TheOrigRights · 23/04/2023 16:21

Whilst I know you were panicking, parking in a disabled spot is not ok

Panicking? Yeah....your child in anaphylactic shock would do that.
I would like to think that a blue badge holder would understand the exceptional circumstances which led to someone parking there.
Would people really drive around with a dying child in the car looking for a space to become available?

TolkiensFallow · 23/04/2023 16:22

Anaphylaxis is life or death - so stressful for anyone and I think it was fair enough to just dump your car where ever there was space. Driving around for 2-3 mins looking for an alternative could have cost her life so I don’t think you were unreasonable at all.

technically you shouldn’t have sworn in a&e, I understand why you did (and to be honest some people need to be told to get fucked) but it doesn’t help the staff if they then have to deal with that instead of seeing patients…

Flamingogirl08 · 23/04/2023 16:22

I'm logging out of Mumsnet for the night because I've just read that OP shouldn't have parked in a disabled space in case a disabled person was inconvenienced or missed an appointment.

I can't believe there are people in the world who believe that rather than inconvenience a disabled person you should let a child die.

So yes I'm off, the MN world is too much for today.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 23/04/2023 16:22

Icily polite or complete non response is probably more humiliating to people like this chap.

Liamgallaghersparka · 23/04/2023 16:22

Please don't beat yourself up, OP, I have been in a similar situation and it is bloody terrifying.
I hope your daughter is much better now 💐

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/04/2023 16:22

PetulaDark · 23/04/2023 15:49

YABU, always, to park in a disabled bay. It’s a hospital so OBVIOUSLY there will be a lot of disabled people coming for appointments. Maybe someone had to miss their appointment or was seriously inconvenienced because they couldn’t park near enough or get their wheelchair out of their car.

I know you were in a difficult and scary situation but it just doesn’t excuse it. Did you consider that there might have been a disabled person in a similar situation to you who also needed the space?

Are you for real or just on a wind up? The OP's DD was having an anaphylactic shock and you expect her to drive around the hospital looking for a parking space? Good grief. 🙄

xyxygy · 23/04/2023 16:23

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 16:18

The other couple also had a daughter who means more to them than anyone else
Who clearly wasn’t in an emergency situation or in need of urgent care. Else she wouldn’t have been waiting - she’d have been rushed in for life saving treatment. A&E does not see people in order of arrival time, they treat the most urgent cases first. The man should have understood this.

It's generally relative, though. Somebody with a broken leg can be waiting for hours, purely because three heart attacks and a stroke came in after them.

Or, like at Peterborough A&E when I went there with heart attack symptoms, you could arrive at midnight and still be waiting to see a doctor at 11am (along with the other 15 people who'd been there longer) because of a staffing mistake and there weren't actually any doctors on duty at all.

HoppingPavlova · 23/04/2023 16:23

But they might well shout and swear if their kid had nearly died in front of them.

I’ve had one of mine nearly die in front of me several times. Carrying on like this is not going to achieve anything. Being calm and thinking methodically through it does. I once started crying and was told off by the surgeon taking them into theatre, who (rightly) told me to pull myself together and this wasn’t going to help and to focus instead, and even in that split second I realised he was 100% correct. I’ve had otherwise where I’ve had another child carted off the sporting field in a bad way and once I’d handed them off when the ambulance got to hospital I admit I felt sick/faint for a few minutes and had to sit down but I never felt compelled to shout like a loon.

AgrathaChristie · 23/04/2023 16:23

YAbu only for the swearing.
Parking was acceptable as it was an emergency. You’d have had to carry your dd further and she could have stopped breathing.
I hope you find what it was that triggered your dd.

Jellywellyfish · 23/04/2023 16:24

You shouldn’t have used the disabled bay (although can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same in your situation) and you shouldn’t use language like that in a hospital waiting area. Hospital staff face daily abuse. Just because your language wasn’t directed at them it doesn’t mean the staff weren’t affected by it.

whatsinanameeh · 23/04/2023 16:24

Your daughter wasn't breathing and you just experienced the worst day of your life, you were absolutely reasonable to tell this man to get fucked and acknowledge to the doctor that yes you shouldn't Have parked in the disabled bays but of course you were carrying a person struggling to breathe you did the best you could in an emergency and no one with any wits would hold anything here against you

7eleven · 23/04/2023 16:24

HoppingPavlova · 23/04/2023 16:23

But they might well shout and swear if their kid had nearly died in front of them.

I’ve had one of mine nearly die in front of me several times. Carrying on like this is not going to achieve anything. Being calm and thinking methodically through it does. I once started crying and was told off by the surgeon taking them into theatre, who (rightly) told me to pull myself together and this wasn’t going to help and to focus instead, and even in that split second I realised he was 100% correct. I’ve had otherwise where I’ve had another child carted off the sporting field in a bad way and once I’d handed them off when the ambulance got to hospital I admit I felt sick/faint for a few minutes and had to sit down but I never felt compelled to shout like a loon.

Bully for you. Newsflash - people behave differently in stressful situations.

QuintanaRoo · 23/04/2023 16:24

WCRoulade · 23/04/2023 16:07

YABU for parking in the disabled bay - imagine if everyone with an emergency did that! Not the end of the world though.

YANBU for putting that loser in his box though, everyone knows A&E is on priority basis and a 2hr wait is hardly worth complaining about

But there’s actually very few emergencies as time critical serious as this. And even fewer which don’t come via ambulance. I’d take a guess at less than one a day.

Cherrysoup · 23/04/2023 16:24

I had a random anaphylaxis last week and was swiftly triaged/sent through to the urgent bit. It was 3am and 2 people were complaining that others had gone ahead of them. The looks they threw me when I was chucked in a wheelchair and the guy sprinted up the corridor! I couldn’t apologise because my throat had closed up, but jeez!🤪

Whichnumbers · 23/04/2023 16:25

It would have been better to say

I wish we were leaving, going for pjs as she's been admitted as so bad

telling someone waiting in a&e to get fucked isn't the best idea, they are also there for a reason, obviously not a serious as yours but still an illness - though so many are there with ailments that would be better suited to a gp

TeapotElephant · 23/04/2023 16:25

You were being unreasonable really, he wasn’t talking to you and he didn’t know your situation. You responded because you were stressed and scared and probably tired - but he may have been all of those things too. You’ve no idea what was going on with his daughter or in his life so not really fair to swear at him when his tensions were running high too. Being in hospital is tough for all of us and I singing you were scared. So I get your reaction completely but you were also a bit out of line.

Fingers crossed your daughter is well soon and you find out what has caused her allergic reaction.

Muu · 23/04/2023 16:26

Move on and let it go. Swearing is bad manners but you had a very pressured morning by the sounds of it. the parking thing, forget it, it was an emergency.