About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

What if a disabled person in a life threatening emergency needed that space?
Sorry but if my child has a life threatening emergency I’m not thinking about being nice and leaving the space for others who might need it. I’m going to park right outside the door and rush my child inside to get urgent help. I’ll deal with parking tickets etc later, and it’s worth it as long as my child is safe. Y’all are mad if you think that any parent would do otherwise.

So you think itcworse for a disabled person to miss an appointment than it is for the op's daughter to die?

Probably shouldn’t have sworn and I personally would have just ignored him. However, I think he was more unreasonable to get a medical professional involved in a petty squabble.

Dont think anymore about it, you girl is okay and that’s all that matters. In the fullness of time this is nothing. Your probably on a bit of an adrenaline crash right now as well so it’s making it seem worse!

Easier said than done when you've been through that level of stress.

YANBU.

You were saving your kids life. I've been in two situations where my children are actively about to die and I've had to save their lives, one of them being anaphylaxis.
It brings about an anger (through fright you have never experienced in your life) that overspills through any means and the twat that made the comment in the waiting room was the person to make it spill.

Forget about the doctor and the blue badge parking space.

im glad your DD is ok. What a shock for you all.

You thought your child was dying. No one and nothing else mattered at that time. Hope you get the answers you need and that DD continues to be well x

She didn’t. Her kid was struggling for breath when she parked. By the way it’s not rediculous but even if it was it’s ridiculous.

I guess it's different as a work stressful situation than a personal one though right? Like, of course you couldn't have police/paramedics/nurses etc etc shouting and swearing at people when stressed. But they might well shout and swear if their kid had nearly died in front of them.

What a spiteful shit that bloke was, and l wouldn't mind betting he complained because he didn't like being told where to go by a woman.

Considering the stress you were under you were definitely NOT BU. That fella sounds like a 22 carat gobshite, does he think people in A&E are seen in order of arrival time?

As for you parking in a disabled bay, your DD was in an emergency situation and most people would dump their car in the nearest spot.

Missing the point of the thread, but you really should have called an ambulance.

Anaphylactic shock is a life threatening emergency. Paramedics would have deployed medication at the scene and monitored her on the way to hospital. What would you have done if her airway swelled so much she stopped breathing whilst in the car.

If you had taken the appropriate action than the whole situation in A&E and with parking would have been avoided.

I don’t blame you at all, for parking in the disabled space or for telling him to get fucked. It was an emergency and you were obviously stressed and terrified for your daughter.

No one behaves 100% correctly all the time. Anyone who says otherwise is deluded.

Whilst I know you were panicking, parking in a disabled spot is not ok - in these circumstances (and I've been there, different medical condition but comparable) you park in the disabled spot go to reception, and if you are told to take a seat (aka not medical emergency) explain you need to move your car, or if the child is taken through immediately (happened frequently to me) you beat a retreat to the car once the doctor/nurse is with your child. They understand this, an hour though is too long as others may be i need. We eventually got a blue badge mostly for the hospital parking, never used it in car parks etc as dd walks fine, the seizures were the issue.

It's never ok to swear or get into a heated conversation let's say in the waiting room, you need to ignore provocation. I know it's hard but you end up being in the wrong because you didn't ignore them.

Im glad your dd is ok, I carry antihistamines because my throat swells from allergens like certain pollens. I have a oral one and a spray

How was the man abusing OP or picking a fight there? It’s a comment directed at the hospital surely?

The OP says:
The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

He could have spoken politely to the staff on the desk if he had a question about waiting times, but he didn't.

Because he is a big important man who needs to passive aggressively swear towards a mother with an extremely unwell child to make sure everyone knows his views.

I've sat in A&E with DC and seen people do this sort of thing. I'm not sure what they think they're going to achieve with this sort of behaviour. Are other patients and staff meant to suddenly realise the person making a scene is super important and therefore more of a medical priority than everyone else?

The other couple also had a daughter who means more to them than anyone else 😵‍💫
They moaned about the wait, they weren't even speaking directly to op.
I'm stunned that a poster up thread claiming to work as an A & E receptionist would be quietly rooting for someone screeching "Get fucked!" at someone else who wasn't even engaging with them. Ridiculous muppet.

Given the situation with ambulances right now, it’s better to drive to A&E if you can, because an ambulance is 3-4 hours even for an emergency.

Only on mumsnet would someone tell you to worry about a disabled person missing a bloody appointment when a child can't fucking breathe. Get a grip the lot of you!

When I was in labour we had to park in a disabled spot as I couldn't have walked from the car park and they got rid of the drop off points. Gave birth a few minutes after arriving.
Got a ticket and called PALS to discuss where they expected me to park or be dropped off. They cancelled the ticket and said I was right to park there. They got rid of drop off as people took the piss and used for normal parking. They fully expected actual emergencies to use disabled at it is a reasonable thing to do.

It absolutely does excuse it though! Anaphylaxis means minutes from death! That trumps everything. You really think being "seriously inconvenienced" is a comparison?

You realise ambulances can park anywhere? They'll go in a disabled space if there's nowhere else. You know why? Because it's an emergency. What should OP have done? Drive around for awhile looking for a space while her daughter stops breathing?

I’m at the point with aggressive men where being classy really isn’t my problem anymore.

This seems like one of those rare situations where everybody involved is being unreasonable, but it's likely that very few people in their positions would behave differently.

I would say, however, that as soon as DD was receiving care you should've moved the car to a legally-acceptable space. Of course, it's also understandable that your mind would be on other things.

The trouble with A&E is that everybody there is stressed as hell by definition, and it seems these days that automatically means empathy goes out of the window. That doesn't make for a good mix.

I def shouldn’t have been swearing at others, but u were provoked.

Get off your high horse and learn how to spell.

*RunningFromInsanity · Today 15:33
Neither of you knew/know what the other person was there for so neither of you should be judging each other.

He shouldn’t have commented.
He shouldn’t have told on you and made an overworked doctor get involved in a pathetic squabble between adults.
You shouldn’t have sworn.
You shouldn’t have parked in the disabled place, but I understand why you did.*

THIS

@AutumnCrow

Most hospitals monitor the outside, have wheelchairs ready, if you run in and ask security for help they'll get someone (I've done this) I then once they had dd parked my car in the car park. It's fairly common occurrence. Also if there's ambulance crews who have offloaded their patient they would help if not rushing to another job. If you live in a city it's often quicker to drive these days

The other couple also had a daughter who means more to them than anyone else
Who clearly wasn’t in an emergency situation or in need of urgent care. Else she wouldn’t have been waiting - she’d have been rushed in for life saving treatment. A&E does not see people in order of arrival time, they treat the most urgent cases first. The man should have understood this.