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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/04/2023 16:26

Flamingogirl08 · 23/04/2023 16:22

I'm logging out of Mumsnet for the night because I've just read that OP shouldn't have parked in a disabled space in case a disabled person was inconvenienced or missed an appointment.

I can't believe there are people in the world who believe that rather than inconvenience a disabled person you should let a child die.

So yes I'm off, the MN world is too much for today.

Unfortunately, these threads always bring out the cerebrally challenged.

GudiBrallan · 23/04/2023 16:28

He shouldn't have moaned at you.
You definitely shouldn't have sworn at him; he was still in the super stressful situation of being in A&E with his child not being seen after a long wait -you'd already been seen and your child stabilised. You could have had the good grace to commiserate and tell him you wished he and his child would get seen soon.
Seriously, I don't get why people have such short fuses and don't seem to 'see' themselves.

BeautifulWar · 23/04/2023 16:28

Forget it. He was a dick and you were under huge amounts of stress and reacted.

QuintanaRoo · 23/04/2023 16:29

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 16:18

The other couple also had a daughter who means more to them than anyone else
Who clearly wasn’t in an emergency situation or in need of urgent care. Else she wouldn’t have been waiting - she’d have been rushed in for life saving treatment. A&E does not see people in order of arrival time, they treat the most urgent cases first. The man should have understood this.

Sadly life threatening emergencies aren’t always rushed in. Dd had numerous blood clots in her lungs and a few days later collapsed with horrendous chest pain. So she’s high risk for a cardiac arrest due to the clots. I carried her in vomiting and fainting with pain. Told them at the desk that she had recently been diagnosed with multiple PEs and I was concerned she was about to go into cardiac arrest due to the severe chest pain and she still had to wait ten minutes to be triaged. So I do understand that some people waiting in a&e are still very concerned that someone might die even if they’re not getting rushed through.

cannaecookrisotto · 23/04/2023 16:29

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 16:08

What if a disabled person in a life threatening emergency needed that space?
Sorry but if my child has a life threatening emergency I’m not thinking about being nice and leaving the space for others who might need it. I’m going to park right outside the door and rush my child inside to get urgent help. I’ll deal with parking tickets etc later, and it’s worth it as long as my child is safe. Y’all are mad if you think that any parent would do otherwise.

Agree, I'd park as close to the door as possible even if that mean mounting kerb and abandoning ship.

theGooHasGone · 23/04/2023 16:29

You were wrong to park in a disabled space without a blue badge.
You were wrong to swear loudly at someone in a public place, he wasn't talking to you. He was being a dick but that's up to the hospital to sort out.

Overall it sounds like you handled the situation poorly. Of course you were upset and emotional but you asked whether you were being unreasonable. Yes, you were.

NotSoBigCrocodile · 23/04/2023 16:29

I'm logging out of Mumsnet for the night because I've just read that OP shouldn't have parked in a disabled space in case a disabled person was inconvenienced or missed an appointment.

I can't believe there are people in the world who believe that rather than inconvenience a disabled person you should let a child die.

So yes I'm off, the MN world is too much for today.

Same.

I cannot believe what I am reading.

Fudgewomble · 23/04/2023 16:29

I’ve said YABU for being verbally abusive (back) to the man, using foul language and escalating the situation (that he started) which then created more stress for the medical staff.

YANBU for dumping the car in a disabled spot and running in with your daughter in a medical emergency. Minutes matter and it could have been life or death (I’m glad to hear that she’s doing well now).

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 16:30

Do some dopes on here not realise that anaphylaxis is time critical and life threatening?

ChippyDinnerTonight · 23/04/2023 16:30

You 'lost' the moral high ground when you swore.

Keeping calm and being factual (yes I would have responded to him) would have been much better.

Instead two stressed out parents had a go at each other in A&E forcing the staff to have to intervene.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 23/04/2023 16:31

Well, I think you were unreasonable to swear at him but people are often unreasonable when they’re upset.

I wouldn’t care where someone parked if they’re rushing someone into A&E, as long as they’re not blocking an ambulance.

I think it was 2 stressed out people taking it out on each other and neither came out looking great.

Cupofteaaa5 · 23/04/2023 16:31

GudiBrallan · 23/04/2023 16:28

He shouldn't have moaned at you.
You definitely shouldn't have sworn at him; he was still in the super stressful situation of being in A&E with his child not being seen after a long wait -you'd already been seen and your child stabilised. You could have had the good grace to commiserate and tell him you wished he and his child would get seen soon.
Seriously, I don't get why people have such short fuses and don't seem to 'see' themselves.

She had a short fuse because her daughter had almost died that morning. If that doesn't warrant a short fuse, I'm not sure what does.

What's it like being perfect? I suppose you've never snapped at anyone in your entire life, ever?

I need to get off this thread, so many high and mighty people.

ratherbepaddleboarding · 23/04/2023 16:31

Parking in disabled bay in that situation, fine.

You and the other guy were both in the wrong but it's a stressful environment. The upshot though is more hassle for the staff which they do not need.

Hope you get to the bottom of your daughters reaction.

notanotherdayofthisshit · 23/04/2023 16:31

I'd have told him to get tucked too, OP. And I'd have parked wherever - I'd have frankly abandoned the car in the middle of the fucking road if my child was in a life threatening emergency.

Hope your daughter is ok Flowers

Jewel1968 · 23/04/2023 16:31

He swore first didn't he? OP responded in similar way. Swearing doesn't bother me so I don't have a problem with that. He was angry and that triggered OP's anger

My ds had similar reaction and was taken to hospital in ambulance recently so I totally understand your heightened state of worry. When we are that worried we act out of character. Don't worry about it - you responded in a fairly normal fashion.

I do understand his frustration and I am sure he was worried about his child. It would probably have been more effective if you had simply said - my child was in a life-threatening situation and the doctors made the assessment on who to see not me. And then you could have reported him for swearing at you. But who has that presence of mind when faced with anaphylaxis.

notanotherdayofthisshit · 23/04/2023 16:31

*fucked, obviously, not tucked 😂

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 23/04/2023 16:32

theGooHasGone · 23/04/2023 16:29

You were wrong to park in a disabled space without a blue badge.
You were wrong to swear loudly at someone in a public place, he wasn't talking to you. He was being a dick but that's up to the hospital to sort out.

Overall it sounds like you handled the situation poorly. Of course you were upset and emotional but you asked whether you were being unreasonable. Yes, you were.

Absolute bollocks.

BadNomad · 23/04/2023 16:32

He swore first didn't he?

He didn't swear at her. He didn't even talk to her. He was ranting to the people he was with about the waiting time.

NotSoBigCrocodile · 23/04/2023 16:32

You were wrong to park in a disabled space without a blue badge.

Her child was in anaphylaxis. She can park where she wants.

Sirzy · 23/04/2023 16:33

xyxygy · 23/04/2023 16:23

It's generally relative, though. Somebody with a broken leg can be waiting for hours, purely because three heart attacks and a stroke came in after them.

Or, like at Peterborough A&E when I went there with heart attack symptoms, you could arrive at midnight and still be waiting to see a doctor at 11am (along with the other 15 people who'd been there longer) because of a staffing mistake and there weren't actually any doctors on duty at all.

Show quote history

Exactly race to the bottom of needs doesn’t help anyone.

i remember when Ds was in hdu talking to another parent in the wards parents room who was obviously petrified. It turned out her son was having some teeth out by GA. My situation didn’t make her worry any less.

i was in a and e all day yesterday with DS - we may have been sat around a lot but others didn’t know all the talk between hospitals about best course of action going on behind the scenes. Ds is medically complex but others can’t see that.

both parents where in a stressful situation. Both parents reacted badly. Both parents added to the stress for staff and other parents and patients.

but what is done is done and all people can do is learn from it.

notanotherdayofthisshit · 23/04/2023 16:34

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 16:30

Do some dopes on here not realise that anaphylaxis is time critical and life threatening?

Evidently not.

As if your first thought when your child is possibly about to die, is "shit I don't have a blue badge".

Fuck me backwards. Seriously?

Strawberrydelight78 · 23/04/2023 16:35

Your child was fighting to breathe. Their's obviously wasn't an urgent emergency. I've had similar reactions from people. When my daughter had a head injury and was having multiple siezures. Someone else was waiting longer with a child with a cut lip.

cannaecookrisotto · 23/04/2023 16:35

Jellywellyfish · 23/04/2023 16:24

You shouldn’t have used the disabled bay (although can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same in your situation) and you shouldn’t use language like that in a hospital waiting area. Hospital staff face daily abuse. Just because your language wasn’t directed at them it doesn’t mean the staff weren’t affected by it.

So what would you have done? Drove round the car park whilst your child stops breathing?

Americano75 · 23/04/2023 16:35

I'd have probably said worse, what an absolute prick.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/04/2023 16:36

DD is fine now

Have you even wondered how their child or emergency ended up? You sound incredibly selfish. But glad your child is OK.

Yes, you followed your instincts and it was probably quicker than an ambulance, but you have no right to be foul-mouthed to another worried parent. And you are definitely unreasonable for parking in a disabled bay!!! Why are you so entitled?