About my behaviour in A&E?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

Former A&E doc - would of half heartedly told you off for swearing and for parking in the disabled bay whilst completing understanding why you did both. Things escalate quickly in A&E and quite frankly I just want to get on with my job without the added drama so nipping it in the bud was the right call. Also means if it does escalate I tried to prevent it. Glad your daughters OK, anaphylaxis is bloody scary.

Given this man recognised her he’s surely noticed her leaving without a child.

He’s lucky he only got told to fuck off imho.

If OP did the right thing, why is she mortified at being called out? Don’t act hard done by when hospital staff tell you off. 🤷‍♀️ Just say you think your daughter is the most important thing at the hospital with your chest.

You're right. He can get fucked. Who does he think he is mouthing off like that. Good for you.

Yes of course you park in the nearest space available if your child is in danger of an airway obstruction. I would have probably called an ambulance, I'm impressed with your ability to drive in that situation. You have 4-6 minutes to get an airway in had she stopped breathing at any time, it's really not the time to be assessing whether it was an appropriate parking space. You did nothing wrong there. This is not the same as someone using the disabled toilet because it's easier with a pram...its an absolute life threatening medical emergency.

I work in a receiving area of the hospital and I'd have been party thinking 'good on you' for speaking back to the man in the waiting room whilst remaining professional and reminding you that that language isn't helpful and isn't appropriate here. Just to keep in mind that literally anyone could be in ED and also usually in a high state of stress so having an argument there could escalate fairly quickly so I'd be deescalating ASAP. He would not be in any way jumped the queue for his behaviour and he would be getting a bit of education around triage.

Yanbu you where actually quite restrained I would of acted way worse then that

I would've done what you did. I might not have sworn, but I probably would have argued back with the guy who spoke. And I probably would have just shoved my car anywhere to get inside as quickly as possible.

People saying you shouldn't have parked in a disabled bay - I'm fairly sure if your daughter was struggling for breath you'd give zero shits where you park your car. Your only thought would be to save her life.

Don't overthink it too much. Your emotions were high. I think a lot of people on this thread are being high and mighty, as if they'd somehow cope so much better in this situation.

Have you never reacted in a stressful situation? Unless throughout your whole life you've remained calm under any kind of stress, never reacted emotionally rather than rationally, your post post would be stupid and hypocritical.

He wasn't blaming you. He wasn't even talking to you. He was showing frustrating about the ridiculous waiting times in A&E. I don't see why you needed to say anything to him, let alone swear at him.

I work in a receiving area of the hospital and I'd have been party thinking 'good on you' for speaking back to the man in the waiting room
Christ.

@Cornettoninja Maybe but being in an extremely stressful situation isn’t known to bring out peoples sensible sides

There is no maybe about it. I worked A&E for decades. The answer to every piece of rubbish is ‘hmmmmmmmm’, and we are all in stressful situations all the time. Imagine if everyone went off like this, it would be even more of a zoo than it already is. It relies on people just having the common sense to ignore, which is actually the easiest thing to do in a stressful situation anyway.

When my mam was in respiratory failure I parked in the ambulance bay outside of the A&E doors. Good thing I did too, because her oxygen levels kept dropping to the 80s and she physically couldn't walk.

You know he wasn't even addressing her, right?

Should she have stopped with her daughter who was struggling to breathe and pulled up a google maps of the hospital, perhaps asked on a Facebook group, something like that, to find those spaces she didn’t know about? Don’t be silly.

That guy was an absolute bellend. Well done for clapping back.

A&E have zero tolerance for foul language. You should have taken the high ground and just ignored the twat.

A woman with a ‘sore finger’ laid into me in A&E for being triaged, checked, treated, hugged by a nurse and sent home to watch and wait, before she’d even been triaged. I was bleeding extremely heavily at nearly six months pregnant. I’d sat quietly and waited my turn in the waiting room, just like everyone else. A nurse intercepted her and pointedly told her everyone was seen in order of clinical need.

Perhaps you should have told the doctor he was swearing as well. He sounds like a total knob though. Moaning about the wait and how someone who can't breathe is being seen first.
Okay you shouldn't have sworn but I don't blame you for doing so.

People are just awful. This thread is a prime example of the UK and why there are posters in hospitals and schools highlighting what appropriate behaviour is.

He made a comment - not to you. You reacted aggressively by telling him to get fucked. Your behaviour was awful. Laughing at all the posters saying ‘’he’d have got worse.’’ Of course he would eyeroll pathetic behaviour.

You do know that anaphylaxis IS A LIFE THREATENING EMERGENCY! Did you expect the OP to drive around looking for a space?

OP it sounds like you were probably doing the most sensible thing in driving there if that close as was likely quicker then phoning 999. I also can see why you spoke to this man the way you did as I think you would have been flooded with adrenaline. I don’t think people realise how serious an. Anaphylaxis is and that people can die within minutes from one. I don’t think the language was reasonable but your only human and had just been through a massive shock!

YABU for parking in the disabled bay - imagine if everyone with an emergency did that! Not the end of the world though.

YANBU for putting that loser in his box though, everyone knows A&E is on priority basis and a 2hr wait is hardly worth complaining about

Classy

i think hes atwat you ge seen in order of urgency first-its not rocket science

She absolutely did feel that. Because it's her daughter. My daughter is more important to me than anyone else and if she were in a life threatening condition I'll be pushing everyone out the way to get her where she needs to be 🙂

While I don't agree with parking in disabled bays, I acknowledge I would do anything to save my daughter should it be an emergency that could threaten her life.

Although the snipe at the man was unnecessary as it wasn't a personal attack.

I’m glad your dd is doing so well. Thank goodness, I do know how stressful these situations are from my own experience, it’s terrifying. I probably would have reacted the same way. He was being an idiot.

As soon as you swear though you’re in the wrong, even if someone else is being unreasonable. Some people are really offended by bad language. A friend of mine has nt spoken to me since she overheard my DH say ffs regarding an incident that she was involved in. She was being completely unreasonable. Unfortunately DH is a swearer. She claimed she had never heard language like it before, that’s all he said, ffs! It’s like water off a ducks back to me but others are really offended. I try not to swear at people.