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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 23/04/2023 15:42

SnarkyBag · 23/04/2023 15:37

Oh and I see your point about parking in a disabled spot but it’s not ok to do that what if someone who had mobility difficulties had an equally urgent medical event and they had to park further away and try and walk?

Do you think she should have let her daughter die which could have happened if she couldn't breathe. My husband has a blue badge but he wouldn't expect someone to put a child's life in danger on the off chance he'd need the space.

If my husband was in a lifethreatening situation and OP had parked in the disabled space I'd have double parked because sometimes we have to do things like that in a life threatening emergency.

HoppingPavlova · 23/04/2023 15:42

No idea why you felt the need to reply to him at all. Many, many people in A&E are complete fuckwit arseholes, are you going to try and sort them all out? A sensible person would have just ignored it and gone about your business.

CrystalCoco · 23/04/2023 15:43

He's a dick who doesn't understand how triage at A&E works.

Tensions run high at A&E which is why he commented and why you responded as you did. I can't say I blame you and I'd likely have done the same thing myself.

I hope DD is ok, very scary for you all 💐

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/04/2023 15:43

If he had said it on the way in then yes justified in swearing but you knew your daughter was ok by the time he commented so you could quite easily have said sorry she was seriously in danger. No need to be abusive especially as he wasn't even talking to you.

Tigofigo · 23/04/2023 15:44

In a perfect world you should have risen above it and ignored him and his ignorance. He didn't say it directly to you or blame you for it. He might have been incredibly stressed about his own child and trying to keep it together like you were.

But you were under stress and we all lose it sometimes.

Cornettoninja · 23/04/2023 15:44

HoppingPavlova · 23/04/2023 15:42

No idea why you felt the need to reply to him at all. Many, many people in A&E are complete fuckwit arseholes, are you going to try and sort them all out? A sensible person would have just ignored it and gone about your business.

Maybe but being in an extremely stressful situation isn’t known to bring out peoples sensible sides.

if we’re talking about sensibilities the man should have kept his passive aggressive snarking out of earshot of the subject.

AnyOldThings · 23/04/2023 15:45

This reply has been deleted

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Ridiculous response. You can’t say her hospital has a drop off area. Mine doesn’t! It’s ambulance bays or disabled outside A&E and I know which I’d pick in an emergency.

The OP was focused on saving her DD’s life and naturally scared. Then a man without cause decides to have a go when he knows nothing despite it always being pretty damn obvious that if someone jumps ahead of you in A&E it just might be because it’s more urgent. Not rocket science that one eh?!

Have some compassion.

Rowthe · 23/04/2023 15:45

YANBU.

Of course you shouldn't spend half an hour finding a decent parking spot.

I had one mouthing off at me last week- stupid cow

When to the UCC- was given an appointment to come back with a note.

Was told to go straight to reception on return even if theres a long line waiting to speak to the receptionist.

Anyway come back for the appointment there a few in the line. I go to the front and the lady on the front says- there a queue- I calmly explain I was told to walk straight up to the receptionist.
Anyway she produces a similar slip and gives a smirk saying- end of the line.
Anyway receptionist says it's ok and just asks for the slips so she can check us in.
So basically she waited in line for no reason- oh well🤷🏽‍♀️

QuintanaRoo · 23/04/2023 15:45

SnarkyBag · 23/04/2023 15:37

Oh and I see your point about parking in a disabled spot but it’s not ok to do that what if someone who had mobility difficulties had an equally urgent medical event and they had to park further away and try and walk?

What even if it means that potentially a child might die having an anaphylactic shock? 🤷‍♀️. I mean I wouldn’t normally condone it but at my hospital the non disabled bays are a good ten minute walk away. Depending on the age of the child you might not even be able to carry them that far.

The alternative is an an ambulance space, a disabled bay, blocking the road of risk the kid dying. If I was in that position I’d pick the disabled bay, sorry. The hospitals really need to look at emergency drop off bays….say a ten min or 20 min max wait slot. Some hospitals have them others don’t. We have them at the maternity wing but not a&e.

thankfully I’ve never been in that position but I have had to carry a near unconscious Dd from the main car park to a&e and she was 16yo at the time! Thank god i weight lift!

Rowthe · 23/04/2023 15:45

Then to top it off. My kids asks me why I pushed in the queue and dpesnt believe me when I tell her I didnt.

Motherofalittledragon · 23/04/2023 15:46

There are times when a person needs to simply be told to fuck right off, this was one of them!

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2023 15:47

Mumsnet is weird. Cut all contact with parents for sleeping during a sleepover but be expected to Google the hospital drop off arrangements and behave like a nice Boden mummy when child is near asphyxiated. Mum of the year on MN is an ever changing extreme.
I couldn't help but laugh at this. You've got the nail on the head.

OP wasn't totally reasonable. Usually there's a big sign for A&E drop off, at least there is at our nearest hospitals, so parking in a disabled bay wasn't ok.

But the man sounds like he was spoiling for a fight and I'd be willing to bet that he wouldn't have done the same if OP was a man, because the a man who starts picking a fight with a mother of a child in A&E is probably the type of man who saves his big I am argumentative moments for women. I'm glad she stood up for herself and her daughter.

Coyoacan · 23/04/2023 15:47

You shouldn't have responded but that is what happens when someone picks a fight with you when you are under a pile of stress.

Glad your dd is being well looked after

RunningFromInsanity · 23/04/2023 15:48

He’s commented wasn’t even directed at you, he was complaining about the wait times. At no point did he suggest you had done anything wrong, or that your shouldn’t have been seen before him.

SparklyBlackKitten · 23/04/2023 15:48

Yabvu for parking in a disabled parking spot when your kid was already checked in,monitored and doing fine.

Rediculous really...

Hiddenvoice · 23/04/2023 15:48

He was out of order but you should have walked away and left it. He was moaning about how long it was taking but from your post I don’t think he was taking it out on you. Sorry but you have made A&E staff job harder as he is now worked up and they are having to deal with it.

it’s stressful when children are unwell and you needed to stop quickly so I understand why you parked in the disabled bay but I also understand why other people are annoyed about it.

PetulaDark · 23/04/2023 15:49

YABU, always, to park in a disabled bay. It’s a hospital so OBVIOUSLY there will be a lot of disabled people coming for appointments. Maybe someone had to miss their appointment or was seriously inconvenienced because they couldn’t park near enough or get their wheelchair out of their car.

I know you were in a difficult and scary situation but it just doesn’t excuse it. Did you consider that there might have been a disabled person in a similar situation to you who also needed the space?

neilyoungismyhero · 23/04/2023 15:50

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When your child can't breathe the last thing you're worrying about is looking for an authorised parking place, I think you're the knob in this instance.

Gruf · 23/04/2023 15:50

it would have been preferable to tell them DD had had a near death experience or just ignore them.

KEG05 · 23/04/2023 15:50

You were right in my opinion to park in the disabled bay. That is 100% a 999 calling scenario but I understand given how close you were that you would have been quicker to take her yourself and therefore should be parked as close as you get to the door. You shouldn’t have sworn at the guy though. Easy to say when your calm I know. He also was out of line and should have realised you were stressed and you don’t decide in what order people are seen. Your DD needed urgent treatment. His DD has to wait. If it was role reversal he would be beyond relieved his DD was taken straight through. I hope she’s feeling better soon and you find out what caused her reaction so you can avoid in future x

wonkylegs · 23/04/2023 15:51

In high stress situations tempers flare and we say and do things we might not otherwise do.
A&E is full of people who are stressed and probably not thinking or acting they usually would do. That goes for the other guy as well as you - you don't know what they are going through and they didn't know what you were.
You could have acted differently but understandable actions in the circumstances.
As you've apologised to the staff, I wouldn't give it another thought.
Glad she's ok, hope you find out the cause.

FeltedDogs · 23/04/2023 15:52

Yet when a dog on a lead wags its tail near a pfb in a dog friendly park, mn mum's are allowed to scream in the owners face 😀

Uselesslyuseless · 23/04/2023 15:53

Some posters on this thread are hysterically exaggerating what this man said, why? OP wrote:

“For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

How was the man abusing OP or picking a fight there? It’s a comment directed at the hospital surely?

If he was abusive, than so is OP for saying “get fucked”

Cornettoninja · 23/04/2023 15:54

RunningFromInsanity · 23/04/2023 15:48

He’s commented wasn’t even directed at you, he was complaining about the wait times. At no point did he suggest you had done anything wrong, or that your shouldn’t have been seen before him.

His comment was literally about her.

Flamingogirl08 · 23/04/2023 15:54

Do you know what, maybe YABU but sometimes people just need to be told to fuck off so I wouldn't worry about it.

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