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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD child unattended (6)

303 replies

SL472947 · 23/04/2023 09:42

I don't know what to do.

My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog.

He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Newuser82 · 23/04/2023 13:54

I wouldn't have an issue with this either.

TheseThree · 23/04/2023 13:56

I think it’s a wonderful start to independence and at a perfect age. It was a similar age I began sending in my daughter herself.

What to do? Approach him about unilateral parenting decisions, but not because something is wrong with this one.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 14:02

I wouldn't send a 6yo into IKEA on her own. There are many grown adults who can't find their way round IKEA. I find it a struggle.

TinyTeacher · 23/04/2023 14:03

My eldest child 6. She loves popping into the bakery to buy a biscuit while I wait outside with her younger brothers. It makes her feel grown up that she's using her pocket money and choosing for herself. Honestly, I can't see what the problem is!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 23/04/2023 14:06

As long as he's outside I think it's fine

Rachie1973 · 23/04/2023 14:08

EarthlyNightshade · 23/04/2023 13:44

How many kids? Was the oldest 6? I'd be even more stressed with a bunch of kids.

(Had to google flump sweets, you have my sympathy)

Show quote history

These 2 are 7 and 6, the teen and baby waited with me.

raincamepouringdown · 23/04/2023 14:10

YABVVVVVU

He's teaching your daughter independence. He's right outside the door. she can buy her item, go to the counter, pay for it, then walk back to the door like every other child learning some independence.

When I was 5, I used to walk a quarter mile up the road to the corner shop with my (good sized) dog, cross a road at the lights, tie up my dog outside the door of the equivalent of the corner shop of today, and go in and buy sweets with my pocket money. We'd then walk home. My dog wouldn't let anyone near me that he didn't know. There were no issues.

Too many children of today really are being infantilized; it's not healthy.

Lenor · 23/04/2023 14:13

I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t think it’s terrible.

Izzy54321 · 23/04/2023 14:13

I’m with OP this is not safe enough, Dad could easily get distracted by dog, potentially fowling the pavement, by someone he knows, people he doesn’t know. Loads of reasons. Most Homebargains are huge stores my local one has a garden centre attached with an emergency exit into the car park by the side of the store. Sorry you’re getting so many people thinking you’re being overprotective and your husband is right. I think you need to just gently ask your husband not to do this, I’m sorry if he doesn’t want to change.

AP5Diva · 23/04/2023 14:15

I think it is absolutely fine. He’s right outside watching.

Beeinalily · 23/04/2023 14:28

I worked in HB for a Christmas job, and one day every time the automatic doors opened a dog wearing a Christmas jumper popped inside and wuffed, then popped out again. Sorry that was irrelevant, but the thread reminded me of it. Yabu OP, no danger there.

Hellno45 · 23/04/2023 14:35

I think it's fine if there's no toilet in the store and DC knows what to do if a stranger approaches her.

MakeupTable · 23/04/2023 14:37

I would not do it.

ArmatureDramatics · 23/04/2023 14:42

LtMoose · 23/04/2023 12:32

6 is too young and B&M is too big in my opinion. If it was a smaller shop like a corner shop then ok, or it she was older, maybe 9.

Where did B&M come into it?!

Our nearest Home and Bargain is quite small - one floor, and only one way in and out, so I'd have been fine with my DC doing that when they were six, assuming they had been in there before with me so knew their way around. If it had been our nearest B&M, which is huge and on two floors, that would have been a non-starter. All depends on the context.

Figgygal · 23/04/2023 14:43

I wouldnt let my 6 yo go into a shop where I couldn't see him - he'd also have no clue what he was doing

Algor1thm · 23/04/2023 14:48

That seems fairly reasonable. At about 7-8 I started going to the newsagents over our road to buy sweets alone, which involved crossing a (quiet) road by myself there and back. The first few times my mum watched from the window but I'm fairly sure she stopped doing that after a while. How are children supposed to learn any independence at all? He's by the door, if there's only one door to the shop what is likely to happen?

AppallinglyReheated · 23/04/2023 14:50

So what are the potential risk points @SL472947

So far you've just stated what is happening and that you don't like it, but no actual details.

Is this a huge store or a small store?
Does it have multiple exits?
Can he see her most of the time she is in there?
Does it have a customer toilet?

Most importantly - is SHE happy and confident about this or is she anxious and worried?

Some six year olds would be more than capable, in some stores - and some wouldn't be in pretty much any store.

On the sparse details you give, it seems like he's made a parenting choice you wouldn't have made and you don't like it.

MumApril1990 · 23/04/2023 14:52

I think it’s good for her to go in and buy her sweets or whatever, she will gain confidence. If there’s only one entrance/ exit it’s perfectly safe?

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 23/04/2023 15:08

It's not something I would do. Or my DP, and if he did I would tell him that going forwards I would prefer that he didn't.

I can only go by how I feel about our local home bargains though.

If it was a small corner shop, where I would be able to see/hear them and what was going on inside of the shop - no problem.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 15:14

Figgygal · 23/04/2023 14:43

I wouldnt let my 6 yo go into a shop where I couldn't see him - he'd also have no clue what he was doing

Is there a particular reason he wouldn't have a clue, or have you not talked him through what happens when you go shopping? One complication I could see compared with my childhood is that some shops now mostly deal with contactless payments, not cash - some even don't take cash - so there must be many children who never see a transaction involving cash and have to get to grips with counting out money and checking change.

LtMoose · 23/04/2023 15:58

@ArmatureDramatics

Oh yes, I obviously read that wrong!

raincamepouringdown · 23/04/2023 15:59

Figgygal · 23/04/2023 14:43

I wouldnt let my 6 yo go into a shop where I couldn't see him - he'd also have no clue what he was doing

A 6 year old is in Year 1 or 2. Surely most of them are more than capable of navigating a sweets display and paying for it at a counter, especially in a small shop.

Honestly, I think parents who don't help their children learn to do things for themselves are failing their children.

nokidshere · 23/04/2023 16:00

It depends really. I used to let my DS go into budgens on their own from about 5. This was a shop we went in every day pretty much from when they were born, they knew it, and the staff really well. I probably wouldn't have done it if that weren't the case though.

AmandaHoldensLips · 23/04/2023 16:54

So for all those people deriding me asking if I would let my 6 year old go into a shop on her own, or "play in the garden alone", I would say my garden is a safe place. There are no random people in my garden.

Whereas there is a risk in any shop, particularly the larger stores (like a big Home Bargains store), and no way would I leave my 6 year old unattended for a moment. Except perhaps in a little sweet shop or cake shop where I can see her through the window buying a cake or a sweet.

But I now understand that my view is old-fashioned.

I will keep my out-dated view if that's okay.

Algor1thm · 23/04/2023 17:31

I would say your view is the opposite of old fashioned. It wasn't long ago that 6 year olds would walk to school and back by themselves.