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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD child unattended (6)

303 replies

SL472947 · 23/04/2023 09:42

I don't know what to do.

My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog.

He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Canyoubelievethesepeople · 24/04/2023 19:58

I disagree. It’s not just about someone taking her. There are a lot of unsavoury characters around- inappropriate comments made, quick touch or a feel on a quiet aisle. I wouldn’t be happy. It’s a large store, not like a corner shop where I would be much happier.
I work in safeguarding and my risk assessment of this definitely says no.

Thinkingpod · 24/04/2023 20:05

Willmafrockfit · 23/04/2023 11:54

i think most places allow people to carry dogs in, i have carried mine into sainsburys

That's gross.

LynetteScavo · 24/04/2023 20:09

I think 6 is a bit young, but most 7 year olds would cope with a shop they're familiar with.

CSIblonde · 24/04/2023 20:10

Does the store have toilets though? Because a 10 year old was raped in the disabled loo at my local Sainsbury. Her mother thought she'd be safe going on her own, but there was no CCTV covering that area.

kthnxbai · 24/04/2023 20:22

I'm with you, OP. She's six.

If this was an actual learning experience, there would be school trips where teachers set their KS1 loose in Tesco and hope none of them find the bleach or paracetamol. Or the door to the stockroom at the rear of the store, the toilets or someone untoward.

Father needs to secure the dog and accompany his daughter into the shop or buy sweets before contact. Sounds like he CBA, frankly. Poor girl. No six-year old needs to learn the skill of being in a shop without an adult.

Speak to Home Bargains manager to make them aware so they can take steps to discourage father. Good luck.

oosha · 24/04/2023 20:26

It is a matter of personal choice but I wouldn’t leave my 6 year old to go around a store on their own.

Neverquitehappy · 24/04/2023 20:29

I don’t think YABU at all. My nearly 6 year old dd is very sensible and i would trust her to do what I say but you have no idea who is in that shop?! Even if someone just said something inappropriate to her, she wouldn’t know how to handle that. If I saw a 6 year old roaming a shop alone I would be thinking where the f are their parents?

Iammrsbeckham · 24/04/2023 20:29

I can’t believe people are saying this is acceptable. In my view it really isn’t.

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 24/04/2023 20:31

Iammrsbeckham · 24/04/2023 20:29

I can’t believe people are saying this is acceptable. In my view it really isn’t.

In my view, it is absolutely normal.

ArmatureDramatics · 24/04/2023 20:40

StressedToTheMaxxx · 24/04/2023 18:29

I've seen the general consensus on here being against letting children this age go into the toilets on their own in a shop/mall because of predators. B&Ms are massive and there is a toilet in my local one. Anyone could entice her in there. Just genuinely curious why people are ok about a 6 year old going into B&M alone and out of sight but not a toilet?

Why, again, are we talking about sodding B&M? MN is like Chinese whispers.

The shop in question is Home Bargains. My local one is small. No loos for "peados" (sic) to hide in. I would have let my DC go there at 6 if I'd been outside, as I'd have been able to see them the whole time from the entrance/exit, and I'm assuming the DD in the OP is familiar with the Home Bargains her dad lets her go to, rather than driving around to find random Home Bargains to send her into.

BCBird · 24/04/2023 20:44

I don't think it is ok. If it was a small shop where he was standing at the door,then yes,however a big shop with lots of people then I.would say no.

marrymeadam · 24/04/2023 20:46

My Dd works at a shop like this and they dont generally allow such young children to shop by themselves. They did have a couple of kids of similar ages in there a month or so ago and caught them shop lifting. Their mum was in the car outside. The theory was she sent them in knowing the punishment wouldn't have been so bad for the kids compared to their mum

Rachand23 · 24/04/2023 21:24

I agree with OP. 6 years is too young to be on her own in the shop - so what if her fathers outside, shops have back doors to them. If I was in this position and the ex didn’t take any notice of what I said on this matter I would refuse access to child. OP it’s your child, if anything happened to her YOU would have to live with the consequences not these people on here disagreeing with you.

Dymaxion · 24/04/2023 21:37

How I would feel about this would depend on the particular home bargains shop, we go to two, one is a massive one with a cafe on a large retail park and the other is much smaller and in a town centre. The town centre one I wouldn't have an issue with.
I often see children in there who are with their parents but are allowed to wander down other aisles out of sight at the same sort of age.

kalinga · 24/04/2023 21:47

I think this is very much a judgment call, with no right or wrong answer. Having said that, I do understand your hesitation. If I was a staff member and saw a young child who is (by all appearances) on her own, I would probably feel concerned and keep an eye on them to ensure that they weren't approached or exhibiting any signs of distress. In Australia, we had a harrowing case of a child murdered in a shopping center toilet, only moments after being with her family. I don't recall Home Bargains having customer restrooms, but I personally wouldn't allow a six-year-old to venture alone into a shop with bathrooms - however, I'd feel much more comfortable with a smaller store.

celticprincess · 24/04/2023 22:02

She wouldn’t be able to buy anything in our local home bargains. They refuse to serve children unaccompanied by an adult - mainly due to teens running riot in the store and causing problems. Some local more sensible children pre teen and also teen has tried to go and buy Mother’s Day presents last month and came out upset that they weren’t served.

I don’t personally find it an issue that she goes in unattended at 6 if he is ours wise but I’m surprised she would want to. Depends on size if store. We have a small one near us and also a huge one. I’d struggle with a 6 year old in the huge one (think supermarket size) but the smaller one less of an issue.

Waterbottleallthetime · 24/04/2023 22:19

Not acceptable at all! The child is only 6! Anyone could do anything to her or she might touch something harmful. What sort of a learning experience is this with no parental guidance and support? More like too much too soon. If the DD wanted her to gain confidence and independence, he could go in the shop with her and and stay in the background to allow her to choose what she wants to buy and pay at the till.

MagsterMum · 25/04/2023 00:16

I'm not sure about all the other MNs here, but the Home and Bargains I have seen/been to have all been large stores and often busy. Definitely not a small quiet village or corner store! And the way the way ours is designed/laid out you definitely wouldn't be able to see her from standing outside. I would definitely not send my 6 year old or even 10 year old in on their own! So regardless of one exit and him being outside waiting for her, it's very easy to be distracted and not see her slip by and from other comments I've seen here YES there is the 'what if...' she may not be taken away, but who knows who might approach or what they might say and each child is different, but does she have the confidence to talk back or walk away? And for those referencing a TV show...its exactly that a TV show! Made for entertainment purposes, also filmed in a country with extremely lower rates of crime than the UK. I fear those commenting on MN lately are out of touch or worse trolls lately. I guess judging from the comments I'm going to be seeing a lot of unaccompanied 6 year olds on my next trip to H&B.. 🙄

StoppinBy · 25/04/2023 03:27

Mamabear48 · 24/04/2023 19:00

Don’t really understand how so many people can say he’s not in the wrong. I have a 5, nearly 6 yo and there is absolutely no way I would let her go in anywhere by herself. Do people not realise how many weirdos there are around they could easily sneak her out under jacket or using something or find another back exit. Not to mention the peados that could be lurking in the toilets. Absolutely no way I would loose my shit if my kids dad this this. How irresponsible

I'm sorry but..... sneak them out under their jacket???

I'm an anxious mum but that's just ridiculous.

Logically, for every creep there are another 100 people who would look out for your kid.

It's important to stop and think, is this logical when thoughts like this come to the forefront. Logically, my kids are going to scream their heads off is someone tries to snatch them and almost noone walks around, chloroform at the ready, to snatch a child.

Hmm1234 · 25/04/2023 07:56

6 is too early unless he can see her walking down the shop isles. Look how many weirdos have done things to kids in public space such as shops.

Thereshegoesagain · 25/04/2023 08:09

If everyone really was fine with this, then Home Bargains would be awash with all these 6 year olds you're all fine with leaving by themselves.

I think it's a bit young for such a big shop. A corner shop perhaps at this young age.

StopStartStop · 25/04/2023 08:14

Logically, for every creep there are another 100 people who would look out for your kid.

Unreasonably hopeful. People would turn a blind eye.

whatkatydid2013 · 25/04/2023 08:24

My almost 9/7 year olds both go to the corner shop that is about 4 doors down to get milk/bread sometimes. We practiced how to together first when eldest had just turned 6, then I let her go alone but actually followed/watched a number of times and checked she was ok and by the time she was 7 I let her go alone properly. Her sister started practicing at 5 and has been going with her sister/alone since she was 6. There absolutely is some risk involved but it’s pretty small and I see it as a good way to build up towards them walking to/from middle school, which eldest will start from September. Kids also go to/from friends houses on the street alone, play in the garden without us always with them and are allowed to look round in museums/shops within a section and come back to us. I see nothing wrong with wanting to keep them closer but as I’ve always felt like being allowed to be independent helped me build confidence I want to repeat that with the kids. My parents allowed me to do as much as possible alone when small and I always felt it was a positive. They even let me fly to and travel round germany when I was 15/16 with a friend of a similar age. I loved it and feel like it really set me up well to go to university but thought of doing that in a few years time for kids is a little daunting. I don’t think you or your OH are wrong just that you have different comfort zones/styles.

Cakeandcoffeea · 25/04/2023 08:27

I personally think it depends on the child. My twins were so shy and scared to be away from me at that age but my youngest has so much confidence and wants to be very independent, it’s ridiculous!! 😂They are usually only 1 entrance so she couldn’t come out without him seeing but the idea of it makes me uncomfortable OP

Noangelbuthavingfun · 25/04/2023 08:48

SL472947 · 23/04/2023 09:42

I don't know what to do.

My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog.

He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard.

WWYD?

I'm not sure what to advised if you say he won't listen but I'm with u... no way I'd allow that with my own child. The world is full of horrible people and who knows there could be a back door out especially if it happens frequently ... someone untoward could be around. I'm sorry but he could be doing it with her - unless she is in eye shot all the time she's in there I wouldn't be doing it. I'm surprised so many would!