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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD child unattended (6)

303 replies

SL472947 · 23/04/2023 09:42

I don't know what to do.

My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog.

He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Badbudgeter · 23/04/2023 13:16

I don’t think this is unreasonable either. Is it because it’s a big shop rather than a newsagent? My children learnt the value of £1 quickly. It goes much further in Aldi / b and m than in the corner shop.

WhiteFire · 23/04/2023 13:16

The OP has not clarified how big this HB is, they are not all huge or over two floors. I am presuming that as it is not explicitly stated that it is massive then it is actually one of their small stores.

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 23/04/2023 13:17

Yeah I wouldn’t get worked up about this either, he’s right outside.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 13:18

LtMoose · 23/04/2023 12:32

6 is too young and B&M is too big in my opinion. If it was a smaller shop like a corner shop then ok, or it she was older, maybe 9.

It's not a B&M, it's a Home Bargains and they're not always massive. Our local one only has 5-6 short aisles and one entrance - it's no more dangerous than a corner shop.

Lachimolala · 23/04/2023 13:18

Depends on exits really, my home bargains and B&M have two ways in and out. A main entrance and a car park one. So I wouldn’t personally, but I do generally start letting them pay at the till themselves by about 5/6 then letting them go in to the sweet shop by 7ish shops that are safe by 8ish etc. So YABU to ask him to not do so if it’s safe, but YANBU to be worried or anxious. I’m right there outside and still get worried or anxious lol!

MissMaple82 · 23/04/2023 13:19

I would never in a million month of Sundays send my 6 year old into a shop on her own. A 6 year old doesn't need that responsibility.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/04/2023 13:21

MissMaple82 · 23/04/2023 13:19

I would never in a million month of Sundays send my 6 year old into a shop on her own. A 6 year old doesn't need that responsibility.

And that's a perfectly valid parenting choice, based on your assessment of what's right for your dc.

Other parents will make different judgements based on what is right for their dc, and that's OK.

In this situation, the father has reached a different judgement to the mother. Both are entitled to make those judgements.

Lockheart · 23/04/2023 13:23

MissMaple82 · 23/04/2023 13:19

I would never in a million month of Sundays send my 6 year old into a shop on her own. A 6 year old doesn't need that responsibility.

Buying sweets is indeed a grave responsibility.

Suzi888 · 23/04/2023 13:24

I wouldn’t do it personally, but DD wouldn’t want to go in alone.

Is he on his phone, oblivious to surroundings or actually watching the door?

Nothing is likely to happen to be honest, but it could.

Highfivemum · 23/04/2023 13:27

I agree with the OP. 6 is a tad young for me. I agree with teaching independence but hime bargains is a huge store and not the corner sweet shop. I have done this with my DC a outside our little village shop at that age but the shop is tiny and all my DC know the lady who owns the shop. I don’t think leaving a 6 year old in a large shop is good. I know when one of my school buddies tried to teach her DS independence at around 7 by letting them go into Poundland. The DC ended up sobbing as lost his bearings it had totally the reverse affect.
just shows as parents we are all different, not saying anyone is right or wrong just different views form life experiences

2ndGenerationHomeEducator · 23/04/2023 13:28

It depends on the layout I suppose.
Is there another exit to the one he is standing in front of? If yes, then I would be quite upset. If not, then I struggle to see what the danger is. I agree it is good for self confidence and listening skills.

Strawberrydelight78 · 23/04/2023 13:30

Depends how big the home bargains is. There are some bigger ones on retail parks with cafe's. More like a small supermarket. But a smaller shop like our home bargains in the town centre I would be fine with.

NewNovember · 23/04/2023 13:31

Absolutely fine my dc started going into the small supermarkets once a week to buy Friday night pizza and ice cream at age 7 while I waited outside in the car. They thrived of the independence. I always parked right outside the door and would wait until a space was free.

2bazookas · 23/04/2023 13:35

Perfectly normal. At that age, my children were learning how to go into a shop, select their goods, take it to the till, greet the staff, pay; collect the change and thank the staff.

While I was outside, waiting. They'd been taught how to behave; with a script, and what to do/say if there was any problem.
In the same way they were taught how to behave at the library; in public toilets,
on the bus, at friends' houses etc.

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 23/04/2023 13:39

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 10:21

Why? What do you think she will do if you are not glued to her side?

Show quote history

AmandaHoldensLips

Another one here saying WTF she's 6!!!! No way would I let my 6 year old go into any place unattended. I'd want to have eyes-on every second.

Why? What do you think she will do if you are not glued to her side?

Not catch anxiety, and we can't have that now, can we.

EarthlyNightshade · 23/04/2023 13:39

My local Home Bargains in enormous so it would be a no from me.
How long would you allow them stay in there before you got worried? Ten mins? Twenty mins? You can't go and get them in case they leave while you are walking around.
Small shop where you can more or less see them, I'd be fine, although I would rather not have dog with me in case she had a problem paying or something.

Rachie1973 · 23/04/2023 13:41

I’d do/have done. The big one in Norwich. I risk assessed it. Deemed the risk acceptable and off went the kids, grandchildren in this case. I sat on a bench outside resting my poor feet after being dragged round clothes shops for hours.

The worst thing that happened was a child buying those awful flump sweets.

CaroleSinger · 23/04/2023 13:42

What would I do? I'd stop overthinking the small stuff and worry about the big things.

EarthlyNightshade · 23/04/2023 13:44

Rachie1973 · 23/04/2023 13:41

I’d do/have done. The big one in Norwich. I risk assessed it. Deemed the risk acceptable and off went the kids, grandchildren in this case. I sat on a bench outside resting my poor feet after being dragged round clothes shops for hours.

The worst thing that happened was a child buying those awful flump sweets.

How many kids? Was the oldest 6? I'd be even more stressed with a bunch of kids.

(Had to google flump sweets, you have my sympathy)

user4567890754 · 23/04/2023 13:46

I would not be happy about this at all. A child was snatched and assaulted from a shop near where I live. I wouldn’t let my kids out of my sight in a busy place like that, not at 6 years old. I’m not sure how you can stop him doing it though if he won’t listen to you, I’m sorry. Could you get anyone else in the family to intervene, eg his sister or mother?

SauvignonBlanche · 23/04/2023 13:46

Not enough information to form an opinion and no further posts from the OP answering the vital question of how big it is and about the exits.

My local Home Bargains is small with one door only and a good view so I’d be happy doing that, if the child was.

JackiePlace · 23/04/2023 13:47

Happybakers · 23/04/2023 10:02

I think that’s fine! If he’s outside she can’t go anywhere!

She could be ushered out the back door, molested in a toilet or chloroformed and stuffed into a suitcase.
But none of those things are likely to happen.

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/04/2023 13:48

eish · 23/04/2023 09:57

I thought you meant left her and went out. I think what he’s doing is ok, he’s outside so she can’t leave the store and she knows where he is.

This.

She can't be taken out of the shop without him seeing her. It does give her a little bit of independence. I assume she just chooses and buys her sweets and comes out. I would let a 6 yo do this.

zurala · 23/04/2023 13:49

Depends how big the shop is. A small one like a corner shop, it's fine, if it's a big one with a cafe and toilets then it's not ok.

Natsku · 23/04/2023 13:50

Is it a very big shop? Is there more than one door in and out? Does she like doing this?
If its a small shop and only one door then its a good way to introduce small degrees of independence. 6 was when I allowed DD to go to the corner shop to buy small things e.g. eggs for her to learn some responsibility and basic life skills (finding the product, asking for help from a member of staff if she can't find it as happened with the eggs, paying with cash and bringing back change and receipt)