Page 3 | WWYD child unattended (6)

SL472947 · 2023-04-23T08:42:25+00:00

I don't know what to do. My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog. He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen. Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard. WWYD?

Ellie1015 · 23/04/2023 10:25

Sounds safe to me. I think dad is right. I can't see any risk, what are you worried about?

Hugasauras · 23/04/2023 10:25

Unless Home Bargains is a front for a crack den, I can't see the harm?

Coolblur · 23/04/2023 10:26

People are so disingenuous on MN! Judging by the lack of 6yos I see wandering around shops alone, I don't buy it. While it may be 'fine', as in not neglectful or terrible parenting, it wouldn't be ok with me, and it clearly isn't with the OP so stop telling her she's wrong to feel the way she does.

OP I'm guessing this is one of many parenting decisions he makes that you consider dubious. All you can do is express your concerns to him, he may not have thought of things from your angle, and hope he makes informed decisions about her safety. As for this particular example, despite it not being something I would do, I think she's at low risk of harm, so try to keep that in mind.

GoodChat · 23/04/2023 10:26

I think it's fine, too. Maybe a bit different if she's in Sainsburys doing a full shop but 2 minutes for a bag of sweets is no issue.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 10:27

I was only a little bit older than 6 when I started taking the bus on my own and going into town to go to the library. I was a voracious reader and the two books I was allowed to borrow didn't last long so in the holidays I'd go in more than once a week. I crossed the road to the bus stop, waited for the bus, paid for my own ticket when the conductor came round, got off at the right stop, found my way from the stop to the library, handed the old books back in and got my tickets back, selected new books, got them issued, went home. When I had pocket money I often went to the bookshop and bought myself a book there too. Nobody marvelled at seeing a young child doing these things alone. It was the norm. We were outside playing on our own or with other children whenever the weather allowed, far out of sight of home, often on a bit of wasteland a mile or so from home. It was another time.

KarmaStar · 23/04/2023 10:29

Yabu.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 10:29

Coolblur · 23/04/2023 10:26

People are so disingenuous on MN! Judging by the lack of 6yos I see wandering around shops alone, I don't buy it. While it may be 'fine', as in not neglectful or terrible parenting, it wouldn't be ok with me, and it clearly isn't with the OP so stop telling her she's wrong to feel the way she does.

OP I'm guessing this is one of many parenting decisions he makes that you consider dubious. All you can do is express your concerns to him, he may not have thought of things from your angle, and hope he makes informed decisions about her safety. As for this particular example, despite it not being something I would do, I think she's at low risk of harm, so try to keep that in mind.

But what are the concerns? Can one of the minority of people who think this is not OK spell out in simple terms why it's not OK? What is it you think could go wrong? What's unsafe about it?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/04/2023 10:29

WandaWonder · 23/04/2023 10:23

This is one of the reasons it appears there is growing numbers of kids with issues

Show quote history

I don't think that's fair.

Personally, I think it's great for children's confidence to get them to do stuff like this.
However, if people don't feel comfortable sending their kids off on unaccompanied missions like this at 6, I doubt it will do any long lasting damage...as long as they are gradually starting to give their child opportunities to develop their independence in other ways.

It's just a parenting difference. As long as the child is happy and safe, I see no problem either way.

KarmaStar · 23/04/2023 10:29

Yabu.and your title dramatic.

Beetrootlover82 · 23/04/2023 10:34

KarmaStar · 23/04/2023 10:29

Yabu.and your title dramatic.

Given the dramatic title thread, and her OP itself, I’m guessing the OP is a bloody difficult ex partner to co parent with

LakieLady · 23/04/2023 10:46

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 10:27

I was only a little bit older than 6 when I started taking the bus on my own and going into town to go to the library. I was a voracious reader and the two books I was allowed to borrow didn't last long so in the holidays I'd go in more than once a week. I crossed the road to the bus stop, waited for the bus, paid for my own ticket when the conductor came round, got off at the right stop, found my way from the stop to the library, handed the old books back in and got my tickets back, selected new books, got them issued, went home. When I had pocket money I often went to the bookshop and bought myself a book there too. Nobody marvelled at seeing a young child doing these things alone. It was the norm. We were outside playing on our own or with other children whenever the weather allowed, far out of sight of home, often on a bit of wasteland a mile or so from home. It was another time.

That brought back some memories, @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g .

I wasn't allowed to go to the library on my own at that age, because it involved crossing 2 busy main roads and I was a terrible day dreamer, but my DM used to leave me their to choose my books while she went and got the shopping.

I don't see anything wrong with letting a child of 6 go into a shop while their parent waits outside.

Ohhmydays · 23/04/2023 10:49

I don’t get the reaction of people like wtf she 6! I am going to take a guess and say that your 6year old kids aren’t aloud to play in the garden at home without a parent being out as well. Dad was standing outside the door of the shop.

Nimbostratus100 · 23/04/2023 10:51

Lovebeingamummy2 · 23/04/2023 10:09

See I'm going against the grain here I agree with the OP I don't think this ok at all she's ONLY 6! I would be fuming if this was my child x

why is it not ok? What would you be fuming about?

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 23/04/2023 10:51

How many entrance/exit points does the shop have?

SoupDragon · 23/04/2023 10:54

People are so disingenuous on MN! Judging by the lack of 6yos I see wandering around shops alone, I don't buy it.

so, if you've never seen it and don't allow it it couldn't possible ever be happening? 😂

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 10:55

One more reminiscence and then I'll shut up. I remember being given money and told to take my little brother to the cinema. I know we were no older than 9 and 6 because those were our ages when we moved to a new city. You only need to watch old films (Hue and Cry is a great example) to see how children roamed far and wild with no supervision at all. One huge difference from now is that when I was growing up all adults felt able to tell kids off. If we'd been seen by neighbours misbehaving, it would have got back to our parents and retribution would have been swift. I'm not saying this was a golden age for children, because it very clearly wasn't, in all sorts of ways, but there's been a huge downside for children's development from losing that freedom.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 23/04/2023 10:58

I think this is a year or two early for this and I would feel a little uncomfortable but not enough to worry about it too much.

I would think it looked a bit odd seeing a 6 year old walking around home bargains on their own, it's quite a big shop.

SocialLite · 23/04/2023 10:58

From a safeguarding perspective, that would not be seen to be an issue at all, it's individual parenting styles, and he's acting protectively as he's right outside.

On another note, I'm the kindest way possible, do you have other concerns, or are you struggling with anxiety or something similar that you might need support with? That might explain your overreaction to this.

MagpieSong · 23/04/2023 11:03

MolkosTeenageAngst · 23/04/2023 10:17

I used to walk to the village shop to get groceries from my mum on my own aged 6, all the local kids did. Appreciate it was different in the 90s but even nowadays going into a familiar shop whilst a parent waits outside is fine. Children don’t need an adult stick to their side 24/7.

Interesting. I was 10 and this was in the 90s. I’d see 6yo as too young. I was quite a responsible child too. I’m quite surprised at the number of people who think it’s ok, but perhaps I’m out of touch? I’d have thought it was easy for a 6yo to make an error of judgement or speak to someone dodgy or misjudge crossing a road. However, maybe easier if in a single shop, still wouldn’t be that comfortable with it at 6yo, more like 8-10yo depending on maturity. Although actually I think for me it depends on the size of the shop etc.

@wandawonder I don’t think it’s wrong to want to have eyes on a 6yo all the time. They’re young and, depending on the child, are not always grown up enough to do things alone. It’s possible to encourage independence in other ways. I don’t think not allowing a child into a shop alone causes huge amounts of issues, there’s plenty of other areas to develop independence first.

Sodullincomparison · 23/04/2023 11:05

In Italy, we sent DD5 inside a small shop to go and buy a souvenir. We practised the words in Italian and waited outside watching as she entered with a confident ciao.

one of the proudest moments of her life.

I’m not sure I see the risk as her parent is outside the shop.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/04/2023 11:12

I’d have thought it was easy for a 6yo to make an error of judgement or speak to someone dodgy or misjudge crossing a road.

Crossing a road is not applicable here. The child is being taken to the shop, sent inside on her own, her Dad is standing outside what we have to assume is the only exit. What error of judgement can a 6yo make in those circumstances? Inside the shop there are staff and CCTV.

Ariela · 23/04/2023 11:14

My eldest was hideously shy, and frankly if she asked for sweets by that age my response was yes, here's the money go in and get them. Half the time she wouldn't as it involved talking to someone, she wanted me to go but I always said she had to, in an effort to get her to be more independent.

Makes me laugh now, as she is working in a retail environment currently, talking to everyone and even in a foreign language!

I would say it's fine, I think in HB you have to walk around the houses to get to the sweets, but the sweets are near the tills and mostly visible from the doors anyway.

Londongal123 · 23/04/2023 11:14

I’m with everyone else here. You are being way too dramatic.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 11:17

AmandaHoldensLips · 23/04/2023 10:21

Another one here saying WTF she's 6!!!! No way would I let my 6 year old go into any place unattended. I'd want to have eyes-on every second.

So you never let your 6yo play in the garden alone, or go to the toilet unattended?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 11:19

Sodullincomparison · 23/04/2023 11:05

In Italy, we sent DD5 inside a small shop to go and buy a souvenir. We practised the words in Italian and waited outside watching as she entered with a confident ciao.

one of the proudest moments of her life.

I’m not sure I see the risk as her parent is outside the shop.

I remember doing something similar - I was older than five but I was on holiday with my dad and we'd gone to the bakery everyday and one day my dad let me go in alone - I ordered what I wanted and got a free meringue from the owner for my efforts at Italian