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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD child unattended (6)

303 replies

SL472947 · 23/04/2023 09:42

I don't know what to do.

My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog.

He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard.

WWYD?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 23/04/2023 12:10

But, I'm glad of the opportunity to post again. 'Access visits' are what happened in my day. Now we have 'co-parenting' so men can opt out of paying decent child support.

What a stupid, goady comment.

Nocutenamesleft · 23/04/2023 12:13

As long as there is one way in. One way out I’d do it.

I often let me one (though she’s older.) go in stores by herself whilst I wait in the car right outside the store. She loves doing it! Feel really adult and it teaches maths and all sorts.

Mummyof287 · 23/04/2023 12:13

I've let my 6yo when she was 5 go into the little sweet shop in town where I can see her all the time to buy some sweets by herself, which she felt proud and grown up doing, but wouldn't send her into a big shop like HB where I couldn't see her on her own (and I don't think she would be happy for me to either)

That's not to say its likely anything bad would happen...I wouldn't see someone standing outside with a dog sending their 6yo child in (if the child was happy with it) and think I just wouldn't like the fact DD was wandering around out of view, which is why I wouldn't do it myself.

Curtains70 · 23/04/2023 12:14

TeaKitten · 23/04/2023 12:10

But, I'm glad of the opportunity to post again. 'Access visits' are what happened in my day. Now we have 'co-parenting' so men can opt out of paying decent child support.

What a stupid, goady comment.

Just screams of I'm the most important parent so what I say goes. If Dad dares to challenge my superiority I will withhold access. The only thing Dad is good for is child maintenance.

Nocutenamesleft · 23/04/2023 12:15

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/04/2023 10:18

I love that series!!Smile

Show quote history

It’s so clever! Apparently they have this hay that they wear and all the adults who see them know their children on their own and all look out for them. I love it!

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 23/04/2023 12:15

I did it with my kids from 5 years old.

is this only a problem for you coz your ex is doing it? Unclench.

Widgets · 23/04/2023 12:16

I agree with you OP, I think 6 is too young to be in a shop alone. Home bargains near me are always extremely busy, long queues and to be quite honest you don’t know who is in that shop?! Anyone could try to strike up a conversation with your child! Yes they couldn’t leave the store without being seen but if her dad can’t see her at all times I would feel anxious about that at the age of 6

ShimmeringShirts · 23/04/2023 12:17

I did this with my two older children - I’d give them a pound, stand outside the shop with their baby sibling in the pram while they went in and chose a sweet. But it was our small local shop and the guys who owned it knew me and my kids. I’d probably not have done that in a larger shop type setting because I’d be worried about DC getting lost, but if your DD knows her way around and her dad is right outside then I don’t see the problem.

Willmafrockfit · 23/04/2023 12:18

i never forget standing outside Woolworths when my dm went in, no idea why, i think it was Woolworths, I had a bag of crisps,
this was about 50 years ago so it has left a mark!

RoseMarigoldViolet · 23/04/2023 12:19

I agree, OP. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this if it was my little girl.

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 23/04/2023 12:20

Tirrrrred · 23/04/2023 11:39

What the hell. Why is everyone ok with this?

I wouldn't let my 10 year old go in alone.

What? Your 10 year old will be off the high school.

My kid got the bus alone at 10 years old to go to guitar lessons, walked up to the swimming alone and now he is a very responsible and independent almost 12 year old.

wyntersuhn · 23/04/2023 12:20

I wouldn't be happy with it. I work with 6 year olds and I think that's far too young to be sending them into a shop alone.

CryWolf · 23/04/2023 12:21

TeaKitten · 23/04/2023 10:09

Why though? What’s the risk?

Show quote history

I’m with you @Lovebeingamummy2
There has been incidents where children have been SA in store toilets whilst their parents have been outside. It takes no time at all for some weirdo to usher a 6 year old into a quiet corner or threaten them to not say anything whilst they bundle them out a side fire exit or something. A DC was grabbed in a toys R us store when he was actually with his DGM, so a lone child is absolutely at risk.

donquixotedelamancha · 23/04/2023 12:22

Depends on the 6YO. Personally I think it's a little young (and my 7YO is very capable) but it's certainly not outside the bounds of reasonable parenting choices.

Mammyloveswine · 23/04/2023 12:22

Eh?! Ive just started allowing my autistic 7 year old to do this... he loves the independence!

Isn't this a normal part of parenting? In 2 years my son will be allowed to walk home from school alone so I'm working up to that!

You are being way ott!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 12:24

wyntersuhn · 23/04/2023 12:20

I wouldn't be happy with it. I work with 6 year olds and I think that's far too young to be sending them into a shop alone.

Six year olds walk to school alone in some countries.

They're capable of much more than you give them credit for with the right preparation and supervision.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2023 12:24

@StopStartStop
This isn't 'putting a child at risk' or anything near it. It's a decision which clearly 50/50 of parents would make. Attempting to Stop a child's father from seeing his child because he makes a different parenting decision to you, but one which many others would make, would be terrible parenting.

Frosty1000 · 23/04/2023 12:27

I'm with OP. Slightly too young for this, I think the dad could tie dog up outside and go in together.

I also don't think it's our place to accuse OP of trying to find fault with dad either. It's her child and if she doesn't like it then that's her choice and she should communicate as such.

Tirrrrred · 23/04/2023 12:27

I'm presuming you all live in smaller towns or villages. I live in one of the biggest cities in the uk.

Home Bargains isn't a corner shop it's chaotic.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2023 12:28

@CryWolf - but the child wasn't going to a toilet, she was going to a public shop with other customers and cameras everywhere. So, she couldn't be assaulted in a toilet, nor could she be grabbed and carried out because the father was waiting outside.

Lockheart · 23/04/2023 12:28

What if there's a sexual abuser, what if there's a dangerous dog, what if she walks into a pyramid of canned goods and is trapped underneath and has to cut her own arm off to escape, what if what if what if.

Life is full of risks and what ifs. The important thing is to keep perspective, realise we can't remove them, that most of them are REALLY small, and that we can't keep children in a bubble until they're 18, just in case they cause a pile up in ailse ten with three trolleys of biscuits, a pallet loader full of cheap crockery, and a box of swim floats.

ColdElephant · 23/04/2023 12:28

HippeePrincess · 23/04/2023 09:59

This is absolutely fine, he probably realised your dd is mollycoddled by you and is trying to teach her some life skills and independence.

Why do people on this forum always have to be unnecessary dickheads?

Lockheart · 23/04/2023 12:29

Ailse? Aisle even.

Moveoverdarlin · 23/04/2023 12:29

Mmmm I haven’t done this but thinking about it, if I had the dog with me and my DS who is 7 was nagging me for sweets, I would let him do this. I’d probably stress a bit until he came out but I know he’d be fine. He’d absolutely love it actually, choosing sweets, talking to the girl on the checkout, handing his money over.

Scousefab · 23/04/2023 12:30

The staff are usually pretty good in most of the home and bargains. I do agree with you I wouldn’t send my daughter in a shop by herself aged six. I get what he’s trying to achieve but I think maybe aged 10 would be more appropriate. Ask your daughter if she’s comfortable with it and just make sure she knows to go upto the counter staff if she feels unsafe in the shop.