To not enjoy having a nanny?

[ldntoparis22]

We have had a new nanny start a week or so ago. She is Our first. I work from home most days she is here. Admittedly the kids are only just getting used to her, but she is more expensive than childcare (by about £50 a day, which is a lot for us) and I find it less convenient.

I feel as though I need to now have enough lunch stuff, as well as dinner, for the kids. I mean there probably already is, but at nursery I don't worry about food between 8-6.

I work from my office at home which is some way from the kids' area of the house but I find myself talking quietly on the phone, not wanting to go into the kitchen for a snack, in case the kids see me and then won't go back to play with the nanny. One of my DC is very clingy (and whinghy).

The nanny is really excellent and tries her best and all sorts of tactics to take the clingy DC back but no matter what we know that it wouldn't work.

She does take them out, but only for say 4-5 hours so I still have meal times and the other half of the day with them around.

She also needs expenses paying if she takes them out for the day. So a soft play entry for them all is another £15 or so plus snacks. The local farm is £20. So on top of her £150 per day there are extras which don't creep in for nursery.

I feel bad telling her out requirements have changed so soon after she has started but AIBU in thinking there is something good in having the kids OUT of the house all day?!

Yep it’s my main reservation about having a nanny though the hours and flexibility would be very useful

Is this a joke?

If it's not working it's not working, but it might just need time. Seems unfair to resent the cost, you knew that in advance.

Get a kettle and snacks to keep in your office or go out (library /cafe) to work for a few hours. Clingy dc will settle eventually, just as they would at nursery, it's harder for you when you can hear it but no different for them.

I don't understand- you are complaining about the cost if she takes them out fue half the day but want her to take them out all day? What kid can do that all the time? They'll be exhausted and I can't think what she would do with them out if the house day after day.
And if course you have to have food for them! And her.
Seems like you need to get out of the house daycare as this arrangement is not working.

I don’t think you’re cut out to have a nanny in all honesty. How experienced is she? I no longer take jobs where a parent works regularly from home.

Why did you switch from nursery in the first place?

Unfortunate you didn't realise this would be the case. If it really isn't working then give fair notice and change it.

Remember having everyone up and dressed for nursery drop off, adding pick up on to your day. Less time at home for the children and more time children cannot be at nursery if a bit unwell (although less risk of staff sickness effecting care).

Is there anyway you could work from office? I think that would give you best of both.

Sorry this was really not meant to sound petulant or spoilt. we have saved hard for this and I'm still dipping into my savings for it. I think the flexibility is what sold it, always having someone at base, but the reality of that whilst I wfh is very different!

£150 a day for a nanny! Wow!

I was a nanny many years ago, don't think I was paid that.

Teachers don't even get that on supply. Wow! I'm stunned.

You shouldn’t be.

So was I!!! That's net too, and up north so way out of london

It is not spoilt.

Anyway back to question.

I think nursery would work better or even a child minder.

Or perhaps combination of both.
If you don't already then you could use money for cleaner etc.

This will be more helpful.

Going outside for four hours every day is long.
She needs a base and you are blocking it by working from home.

Of course you have to have food in for them if you have a nanny? Do you think she should buy their lunch herself??
And obviously you need to for the soft play tickets if you want her to take the kids!
It seems crazy to me you’re choosing to pay £150 a day for a nanny and then complaining that you need to have food in the fridge for your children.

If you prefer the set up of a nursery why didn’t you do that from the start? YABU to have messed someone about when it would have taken you 10 minutes to think about how the day would be structured with a nanny and whether it would be suitable for you or not.

What option do you think works best for your children? It is very early days so I'd give yourself a chance to settle a bit.

Totally different as she's my mum and was doing us a massive favour but when she looked after my daughter at home when I was WFH it did make some things harder (lunchtime, always being aware of what was going on, difficult to tune out), but my daughter benefitted a lot from one to one at that age, and being in the home, not having to worry about being sent home with a temperature, not having the drop offs and pick ups etc etc.

Maybe if you got a regular order of lunch stuff so you know that's covered. How old are your children? I'm guessing preschool so maybe suggest some free/v cheap play groups they can go to rather than more expensive days out.

If it's definitely not working in 4-6 weeks time cut your losses.

How old are your children? I WFH with a nanny and it's definitely difficult to concentrate sometimes, but I use headphones or go out to work in cafe / occasional hot desk at a co-working place. For me, the opportunity to be around and still have moments with the children outweighs the distraction - particularly when I was still BF lots during the day. But shifting between "modes" is definitely difficult, and you need to adjust to the fact that the house is now your nanny's place of work as well as yours. I am undoubtedly more productive on days when I work away from the home, but I like having the option to take the productivity hit and still be part of their day.

Can you go to work?

I’m not sure how old your children are (presuming baby / toddlers / preschoolers) but it’s understandable they are clingy when they see you, you’re at home yet they aren’t able to spend time with you as you’re working, they won’t fully understand this and it must be confusing!. This must be a big transition for them. Are they more happy / less happy than when they were at nursery? I think this would be a big factor in whether I would consider carrying on with it. It’s a big financial commitment but I’m sure they enjoy spending more time at home and having their meals in a home environment, and spending more time together as siblings. Maybe a compromise could be part time nursery, part time nanny so you have the best of both worlds but they aren’t in nursery full time.

It’s not really something for you to enjoy though is it? Focus on what is in your children’s best interest. Being at home, with a consistent carer and still getting to see mummy during the day will make them happier than being stuck in a nursery for 10 hours a day. It’s short term until they are old enough to benefit from part time nursery or start school.

(Also, just to add I’m a SAHM and their dad WFH full time and he experiences everything you mention, having to avoid some of their mealtimes to work, has the background noise of toddler tantrums when working, they sometimes cry for him, ask him to stay downstairs and play if he comes down etc but the benefits of him seeing them throughout the day and the positive impact on their relationship hugely outweigh the negatives. He does enjoy the peace when we go out though!)

My thoughts exactly 🤦🏼‍♀️

YABVU. You are the problem here.

The fact that you didn't think these very basic things through before getting a nanny makes me despair! But you're not the only one, it's depressingly common.

Go back to nursery if it suits better. Pay your nanny notice and some extra. It's not her fault you can't exercise joined up thinking.

What made you decide to have a nanny rather than nursery?