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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not enjoy having a nanny?

182 replies

ldntoparis22 · 21/04/2023 21:31

We have had a new nanny start a week or so ago. She is Our first. I work from home most days she is here. Admittedly the kids are only just getting used to her, but she is more expensive than childcare (by about £50 a day, which is a lot for us) and I find it less convenient.

I feel as though I need to now have enough lunch stuff, as well as dinner, for the kids. I mean there probably already is, but at nursery I don't worry about food between 8-6.

I work from my office at home which is some way from the kids' area of the house but I find myself talking quietly on the phone, not wanting to go into the kitchen for a snack, in case the kids see me and then won't go back to play with the nanny. One of my DC is very clingy (and whinghy).

The nanny is really excellent and tries her best and all sorts of tactics to take the clingy DC back but no matter what we know that it wouldn't work.

She does take them out, but only for say 4-5 hours so I still have meal times and the other half of the day with them around.

She also needs expenses paying if she takes them out for the day. So a soft play entry for them all is another £15 or so plus snacks. The local farm is £20. So on top of her £150 per day there are extras which don't creep in for nursery.

I feel bad telling her out requirements have changed so soon after she has started but AIBU in thinking there is something good in having the kids OUT of the house all day?!

OP posts:
UmbilicusSuperficialis · 21/04/2023 22:31

Im also curious as to why you went for nanny over nursery. Especially when you are wfh. And it’s £50 more a day (net, so assuming even more when you add additional costs.) How old are the kids?

NurseryNurse10 · 21/04/2023 22:32

I'm kind of in disbelief you didn't realise all this before employing her? Whatever you do, make sure you are fair to her as she deserves that.
I do supply work in nurseries and knowing what I do now, I would say a nanny or childminder all the way. There is a severe shortage of qualified nursery workers right now. One of the nurseries I do work at had to change their opening hours because of this. Definitely not very stable in terms of childcare and consistency at the moment.

MissLucyLiu · 21/04/2023 22:33

There’s a teething period. I think you are still in the teething period of working out how to optimise this collaboration, yes it is collaboration, to look after your kids. Have you tried to hang out more with the children and the nanny together. You need to make children feel likes she’s your best friend. They sense it. Your reservation about the nanny makes it harder for them also to get used to and friendly / close to her also

alyceflowers · 21/04/2023 22:38

So you employed someone on a whim without thinking that you would need to feed your kids, and now you want to make this poor woman unemployed in a cost of living crisis???

I hope at the very least you are going to give her a few months notice so she can find something else.

Ludlow2 · 21/04/2023 22:38

Give a period of time and then review.

Could you share a nanny with another family.
Or do nursery and childminder combination.

TetraSaurus · 21/04/2023 22:43

.

squidgybits · 21/04/2023 22:45

The kids and nanny need access to the home, surely you could work anywhere?

TetraSaurus · 21/04/2023 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What a nasty response.

melj1213 · 21/04/2023 22:45

YABU - did you think at all about the logistics before deciding to get a nanny?

I never had a nanny, au pairs when I lived abroad were the closest I got, but all of these issues - the WFH distraction/cost of nanny/cost of activities, outings and food etc - are pretty damn obvious and you should have thought about them before committing to employing someone at a higher rate than a nursery would cost

Aberdeenusername · 21/04/2023 22:48

Op seriously your DC is clingy and whingy ? No wonder… you don’t want to go near them during the day Incase they “see you” Monday>Friday. You have taken them out of nursery and put them in the care of a new nanny. What do you expect sounds like they are needing connection with their mama they will sense your attitude towards all of this. Also to expect the nannie to take them out more than 4-5 hours a day is unreasonable. They are small children and you just don’t want them around your home 5 days of the week when their childcare is at home. All sounds unreasonable. When you look back at these years what do you want to remember this post is quite sad.

bumpytrumpy · 21/04/2023 22:50

Get some noise cancelling ear pods.

Is this full time?

Iheartsummertime · 21/04/2023 22:51

UANBU, they are the cons of nanny v nursery. Pro's are not having to get them up, dressed and out before work every morning. Less likely to be sick all the time and if they are sick, more likely that the nanny will mind them where the nursery wouldn't. Depending on the number of children and their ages, some nannies will do some children's laundry or even go to the supermarket with them. And they can look for free activities e.g. story/lego time in the library, parks, etc. Some children prefer staying in their own home and napping in their own bed.

There's pro's and cons of everything, but if I was WFH all the time, I'd prefer childcare outside of the home too.

ShowUs · 21/04/2023 23:09

I would absolutely hate a nanny if I was home all day.

I’m not a big fan of having strangers in my home but I would just feel on edge all day.

I would prefer a childminder if I was WFH or work in the office whilst she was at my home.

Summerhouse2013 · 21/04/2023 23:11

Skinnermarink · 21/04/2023 21:35

Is this a joke?

I thought the same 😐

sevenbyseven · 21/04/2023 23:15

Nowdontmakeamess · 21/04/2023 22:15

It’s not really something for you to enjoy though is it? Focus on what is in your children’s best interest. Being at home, with a consistent carer and still getting to see mummy during the day will make them happier than being stuck in a nursery for 10 hours a day. It’s short term until they are old enough to benefit from part time nursery or start school.

I don't think it's a given that a nanny is better for children than nursery.

Tigofigo · 21/04/2023 23:21

Having a good nanny is great, but I'd struggle with WFH. You need to go into office - or pretend you are!

Nursery for us was £80 a day and that was 3 years ago, so £150 a day for two children seems ok to me.

Our nanny cooked for us, had the kids when they were unwell, left the house tidier than she found it, cleaned toys, she was able to tailor the day to our DC, no stress having to get them out the house - for us it was so much better than nursery. I'd look at moving where you work first.

Manchester1990 · 21/04/2023 23:24

8-6 in Nursery five days a week is cruel on DC, why do people have kids just to send them away for 50 hours a week.

Careerdilemma · 21/04/2023 23:24

@BG2015 That's cheap. We are looking for a new nanny atm offering £18 net.

NuffSaidSam · 21/04/2023 23:25

sevenbyseven · 21/04/2023 23:15

I don't think it's a given that a nanny is better for children than nursery.

Show quote history

The nanny would have to be quite bad to be worse than a nursery tbh. A mediocre nanny is likely to be better then even the best nursery, just because it more closely mirrors what babies/small children are designed to need i.e. one consistent caregiver who can respond to their needs as and when they arise.

Of course a good nursery will be better than a bad nanny and there are some very poor nannies around so it's not straightforward.

Aberdeenusername · 21/04/2023 23:26

Manchester1990 · 21/04/2023 23:24

8-6 in Nursery five days a week is cruel on DC, why do people have kids just to send them away for 50 hours a week.

I have to agree it’s a lot! :(

NuffSaidSam · 21/04/2023 23:27

Careerdilemma · 21/04/2023 23:24

@BG2015 That's cheap. We are looking for a new nanny atm offering £18 net.

For full time or after school hours? And whereabouts in the county are you? Just being nosey!

Aerin1999 · 21/04/2023 23:27

It is an enormous adjustment - the flexibility and never having to arrange babysitting etc is a great privilege, but after 9 years with the same live-in nanny I still crave an empty house and space all the time. when she returns to her home country for 6 weeks every Christmas, I love it.

Happyhappyeveryday · 21/04/2023 23:29

Am I alone in thinking she could take them out to buy groceries, as long as you give some idea of what they eat.

Yerroblemom1923 · 21/04/2023 23:35

Not convinced this is real but....a) why take them out of nursery if you want them out of the house? b)why not go to work elsewhere? Or - the obvious one c) if you're at home all day do you really need a nanny?

minipie · 21/04/2023 23:46

Reasons we chose a nanny:

Commute /hours - we both worked out of the home, out from 8-7 if not longer, we needed a nanny to cover these hours.

Also didn’t want to have the stress of getting DC up and dressed in the mornings and dropping them off at nursery before heading to work

DC were very young (age 1 through to 4), we wanted a single consistent person and a smaller ratio at this age. Socialising at nursery /activities less important at this age.

Illness - nurseries won’t take sick kids

OP, it sounds like reasons 1 and 2 don’t apply to you and perhaps reason 3 doesn’t either if your DC are not as young?