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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not enjoy having a nanny?

182 replies

ldntoparis22 · 21/04/2023 21:31

We have had a new nanny start a week or so ago. She is Our first. I work from home most days she is here. Admittedly the kids are only just getting used to her, but she is more expensive than childcare (by about £50 a day, which is a lot for us) and I find it less convenient.

I feel as though I need to now have enough lunch stuff, as well as dinner, for the kids. I mean there probably already is, but at nursery I don't worry about food between 8-6.

I work from my office at home which is some way from the kids' area of the house but I find myself talking quietly on the phone, not wanting to go into the kitchen for a snack, in case the kids see me and then won't go back to play with the nanny. One of my DC is very clingy (and whinghy).

The nanny is really excellent and tries her best and all sorts of tactics to take the clingy DC back but no matter what we know that it wouldn't work.

She does take them out, but only for say 4-5 hours so I still have meal times and the other half of the day with them around.

She also needs expenses paying if she takes them out for the day. So a soft play entry for them all is another £15 or so plus snacks. The local farm is £20. So on top of her £150 per day there are extras which don't creep in for nursery.

I feel bad telling her out requirements have changed so soon after she has started but AIBU in thinking there is something good in having the kids OUT of the house all day?!

OP posts:
Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 22/04/2023 01:46

It will never work you being at home with the nanny if your kids are clingy.

notangelinajolie · 22/04/2023 01:55

Could you work part time so that you don’t need the nanny around so much? That way the children get to spend more time with you?

Carouselfish · 22/04/2023 01:56

It does rather sound as if the whole 'children' thing is a massive inconvenience. Never mind, soon be at school for 13 years and only home for dinner and bed. Unless you do boarding school and then you'll only have to see them in the pesky holidays.

aloeleaf · 22/04/2023 02:03

Anskl · 22/04/2023 01:15

My thoughts exactly.

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Agree. Plus, the OP would save more than £150 per day if she was willing to look after her own children until they reach school age.

RollingInTheAisles · 22/04/2023 02:05

Skinnermarink · 21/04/2023 21:35

Is this a joke?

No. Of course it’s not. I knew there would be posts like this the minute I read the OP. How dare OP ask
about her childcare situation on a parenting site when it’s not relating to her struggling for money? Is that why you think it’s a joke? Unless you are conspicuously struggling you’re not allowed to discuss parenting queries unless you fail to acknowledge how very lucky you are?

It’s boring. People are allowed to have issues that don’t relate to money and not hide them away.

OP, I hear you. I suggest you stick with it a bit longer. She sounds great and there are issues with nurseries too. Good nannies are hard to find and the situation will evolve.

femfemlicious · 22/04/2023 02:07

You would be better off with au pair and childminder/nursery

RollingInTheAisles · 22/04/2023 02:08

Ignore the pathetic mother guilting messages too OP. FFS. How dare you have a career AND money for a nanny AND wait for it! Be FEMALE!

If you posted about being a SAHM struggling for money but wanting to be with the kids full time they’d all berate you with faux naive ‘why aren’t you working, OP?’ posts. It’s how they have a good time 🙄

martinilunch · 22/04/2023 02:13

You will notice the benefits when the childhood illnesses start. She can sort them at home with calpol, movies and books instead of you taking too much time off while they get sick one by one and can't go in to nursery. It's early days, you will find solutions. She will find free regular activities for them to do and in the summer they will be outside in the garden or parks. Give it more time before you throw in the towel.

Terraria · 22/04/2023 02:32

How many kids? If more than one, paying nanny seems to be better deal than day nursery anyway. Outside for 4-5 hrs seems healthy to me. I didn't enjoy doing nursey runs but I still prefer having my house all to myself not having to worry sbout another adult.

Redkettle · 22/04/2023 02:36

CheezePleeze · 22/04/2023 00:04

This is a nasty response

And considering you were tone deaf enough to moan about not being able to visit your holiday home during the pandemic, I would've thought you'd know better.

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Oof hahaha

Busybutbored · 22/04/2023 02:42

I'm not sure I've understood this correctly, are you wanting the nanny out all day so you have the house to yourself? I don't think there's anything wrong with that but why don't you just put them in nursery or get a childminder? Although I do understand if you prefer just having the one dedicated person looking after your children, it's the next best thing to being a SAHM. Just tell the nanny, the only thing is I'm guessing she'll need to be home for meal prep and naps? Plus it's also nice for the kids to have chill out time at home sometimes too

RollingInTheAisles · 22/04/2023 02:46

CheezePleeze · 22/04/2023 00:04

This is a nasty response

And considering you were tone deaf enough to moan about not being able to visit your holiday home during the pandemic, I would've thought you'd know better.

Show quote history

Agree.

Busybutbored · 22/04/2023 02:51

Kanaloa · 22/04/2023 00:06

Personally if I was nannying (I have done agency nanny work) and a parent told me I needed to take the child out of the house all day, while also complaining about expenses, I’d politely turn my notice in, as it leaves me in an unworkable situation. What would you like her to do for 9 hours out of the house with your children? Have you tried it out yourself? Try it this weekend, try taking your kids out for the whole day, and see what type of enrichment and quality time with you they get. And what about the weather? And on top of that you’re already complaining about the expenses, which will of course double if she is being forced to stay out of the house for a whole day.

If you want your kids out of the house there are plenty of childcare options. Childminders and nurseries for example.

I agree, being out all day everyday would be difficult and not really fair on the children. Having a nanny should mean that they get the best of both worlds (eg being cared for, doing activities and also being in their home environment). It's perfectly reasonable though to say you want them doing something every morning or afternoon or vice versa or a mix of them both. That's what most SAHMs do too. Also not all activities cost money

Redkettle · 22/04/2023 02:52

Sometimes this place reminds me of "we are all going to die " woman off Catherine tate. What we need is a good disaster in this country. Bit of the ol perspective

HeirloomTomato · 22/04/2023 03:10

Sounds like nursery would work better for you since you work from home. A nanny is a good option if you have multiple kids of different ages with different pick up times etc but if your kids are not school age and you have a flexible work schedule by working from home, it sounds like nursery would be a better option.

I would feel really uncomfortable and awkward if I were working from home and had a nanny and the kids around all day. Also awkward for the nanny. I did do this once during COVID when I had to work from home for about 6 months and it was annoying. It felt like I was paying an arm and a leg for childcare but not actually getting a break at all. It was awkward all round.

Casilero · 22/04/2023 03:14

I know this is off topic, but do Nanny's really get 150 quid a day net? I'd much rather look after children and take them to soft play and petting zoos and shit. It sounds way better than my own tedious job. Just googling nanny qualification requirements.....

mincedtart · 22/04/2023 03:16

Manchester1990 · 21/04/2023 23:24

8-6 in Nursery five days a week is cruel on DC, why do people have kids just to send them away for 50 hours a week.

I’m so bored of this narrative. My son loves being at nursery, he happily plays all day with the other kids and has a consistent carer there who adores him. Now he’s a well socialised, energetic and lovely boy who I can’t wait to hang out with every weekend.

And I work because I want to give him a good life with rewards when he’s older, like help getting on the property ladder.

To be honest I personally think it’s cruel to sit at home all day with your kid cut off from society, and to decide to stop contributing money to the family.

Casilero · 22/04/2023 03:28

TetraSaurus · 21/04/2023 22:45

What a nasty response.

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I think it's a fair response.

Nicecow · 22/04/2023 03:41

mincedtart · 22/04/2023 03:16

I’m so bored of this narrative. My son loves being at nursery, he happily plays all day with the other kids and has a consistent carer there who adores him. Now he’s a well socialised, energetic and lovely boy who I can’t wait to hang out with every weekend.

And I work because I want to give him a good life with rewards when he’s older, like help getting on the property ladder.

To be honest I personally think it’s cruel to sit at home all day with your kid cut off from society, and to decide to stop contributing money to the family.

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It's a hard balance and surely there's a happy medium. I'm sure your child would probably prefer to spend more time with you than just the weekends, rather than have materialistic things like a nice house or the latest toys. Also, who's sitting at home all day with their kids cut off from society? Think PP may have touched a nerve for you! 🤔

mincedtart · 22/04/2023 03:44

Nicecow · 22/04/2023 03:41

It's a hard balance and surely there's a happy medium. I'm sure your child would probably prefer to spend more time with you than just the weekends, rather than have materialistic things like a nice house or the latest toys. Also, who's sitting at home all day with their kids cut off from society? Think PP may have touched a nerve for you! 🤔

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Thanks for reading his mind, I’ll pull him out and take him home next time I see him laughing and having a wonderful time with his friends.

And yes you’re right, I’ll stop saving for the “latest toys” (for his adulthood?) and start optimising for his 3 year old self, he’ll def thank me when he’s 30.

Bellavida99 · 22/04/2023 03:47

I think it’s going to get worse so you might want to cut your losses now. If it’s a hot summer your nanny will not be able to be out for 4-6 hours each day. If nanny phones in sick you’ll have no childcare. Start making it more useful to you and see how next few weeks go. Get nanny to do breakfast and lunch shopping. Get nanny to cook large family meals so you can eat it too some days. For days out expenses isn’t there annual passes you can buy? Our zoo has soft play, playgrounds , picnic areas and all the animals plus extra activities at various times of year so an annual pass can be used at least once a week and take a picnic then it’s a free trip out.

Nicecow · 22/04/2023 03:59

mincedtart · 22/04/2023 03:44

Thanks for reading his mind, I’ll pull him out and take him home next time I see him laughing and having a wonderful time with his friends.

And yes you’re right, I’ll stop saving for the “latest toys” (for his adulthood?) and start optimising for his 3 year old self, he’ll def thank me when he’s 30.

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If you prefer working, fine but just own it, don't act like it's all for your DC. I'm sure most kids prefer being with one of their parents than a childminder. Like I said, surely there's a balance either extreme isn't great.

MiddleParking · 22/04/2023 04:55

Nicecow · 22/04/2023 03:41

It's a hard balance and surely there's a happy medium. I'm sure your child would probably prefer to spend more time with you than just the weekends, rather than have materialistic things like a nice house or the latest toys. Also, who's sitting at home all day with their kids cut off from society? Think PP may have touched a nerve for you! 🤔

Show quote history

Having a nice house isn’t really comparable to “the latest toys”. Having a nice house (assuming we’re taking nice as shorthand for spacious, clean, somewhere they can relax and socialise, ideally with some outdoor space) has a massive short and long term beneficial impact on families. Much more so imo than mummy working a three/two/zero day week in the early years.

GiltEdges · 22/04/2023 06:02

aloeleaf
Agree. Plus, the OP would save more than £150 per day if she was willing to look after her own children until they reach school age.

She would also lose her entire income though Hmm

OrthopaedicShoesPlz · 22/04/2023 06:21

alyceflowers · 21/04/2023 22:38

So you employed someone on a whim without thinking that you would need to feed your kids, and now you want to make this poor woman unemployed in a cost of living crisis???

I hope at the very least you are going to give her a few months notice so she can find something else.

Hysterical much? Jeez.