To not enjoy having a nanny?

[ldntoparis22]

We have had a new nanny start a week or so ago. She is Our first. I work from home most days she is here. Admittedly the kids are only just getting used to her, but she is more expensive than childcare (by about £50 a day, which is a lot for us) and I find it less convenient.

I feel as though I need to now have enough lunch stuff, as well as dinner, for the kids. I mean there probably already is, but at nursery I don't worry about food between 8-6.

I work from my office at home which is some way from the kids' area of the house but I find myself talking quietly on the phone, not wanting to go into the kitchen for a snack, in case the kids see me and then won't go back to play with the nanny. One of my DC is very clingy (and whinghy).

The nanny is really excellent and tries her best and all sorts of tactics to take the clingy DC back but no matter what we know that it wouldn't work.

She does take them out, but only for say 4-5 hours so I still have meal times and the other half of the day with them around.

She also needs expenses paying if she takes them out for the day. So a soft play entry for them all is another £15 or so plus snacks. The local farm is £20. So on top of her £150 per day there are extras which don't creep in for nursery.

I feel bad telling her out requirements have changed so soon after she has started but AIBU in thinking there is something good in having the kids OUT of the house all day?!

Well, applying some critical thought, they are probably unable to survive on one wage because it’s not 1987 and society unfortunately makes things very difficult for one parent to be able to stay at home and keep a roof over everyone’s heads. Is this something you might be able to consider?

This is a nasty response

And considering you were tone deaf enough to moan about not being able to visit your holiday home during the pandemic, I would've thought you'd know better.

Personally if I was nannying (I have done agency nanny work) and a parent told me I needed to take the child out of the house all day, while also complaining about expenses, I’d politely turn my notice in, as it leaves me in an unworkable situation. What would you like her to do for 9 hours out of the house with your children? Have you tried it out yourself? Try it this weekend, try taking your kids out for the whole day, and see what type of enrichment and quality time with you they get. And what about the weather? And on top of that you’re already complaining about the expenses, which will of course double if she is being forced to stay out of the house for a whole day.

If you want your kids out of the house there are plenty of childcare options. Childminders and nurseries for example.

Yes nursery is better for you but this is probably better for your kids. All the negatives you mention are real though! She should be able to involve them in lots of learning and exploration that is cheap. But they'll be home.

😂

OP, I don't mean to sound unkind, but the stuff you're saying sounds so obvious: she needs expenses paying, you need to have food in, you may bump into the kids during that day.
I totally understand and agree that it's an inconvenience. But it's not the nanny's fault, and did you really not think this stuff through?

Where do you want her to take the kids to all day? You’re already complaining that you have to pay for noting a like the farms, soft play etc, doesn’t this mean you will have to pay more if she is out with them all day?

And also that’s very unreasonable to expect your kids to be out all day, doing what????

I think you could either plan a menu or get the nanny to get the kids to colaborate planning a menu. Then the nanny and kids could go and buy the food for the week for their lunch and go to a playground (like everyone else). Then plan trips and get nanny to research places locally both free and inside and outside then plan a budget for trips each month. It’s normal to do this. Shift the work onto the nanny as she can probably do it with her eyes closed. Some places you can buy a season ticket for, some cost pennies some tons.

The nanny already takes the kids out for ‘four or five hours’ of the day. She isn’t just sitting about and too stupid or lazy to figure out how to take the kids somewhere. She does take them places which is reasonable but expecting her to have them out for 9 hours a day every day isn’t reasonable, fair, or good for the kids.

That's only £15 per hour, based on 10 hours work. Then tax and insurance is taken out. She is probably only on £12 an hour.

Oh bore off

I’m sorry? In what way does my post imply the nanny is stupid or lazy? @ldntoparis22 is concerned about the cost of trips, and food and the increase in HER work load managing shopping. She hasn’t said the nanny is lazy or stupid and asking the nanny to be part of solving the difficulties as OP sees them definitely is not implying anything of the sort.

OP said it was £150 a day net

So she did, but I haven't read that far by the time I posted that response.

Even so, £15 an hour isn't really unreasonable.

A tradesman, say a painter, tiler, plumber etc is charging about £150 per day, so although it's a lot, it's not outrageous. But you can't expect the nanny to take the DC out all day! What are they supposed to do? Walk around in the rain? Or do an activity which obviously has to be paid for.

Yes, so what I’m saying is advice that the nanny ‘looks up days out’ isn’t helpful - it implies she isn’t already doing this, which she clearly is as she already has them out 4/5 hours of the day! No matter how many ‘fun’ and ‘free’ things she looks up it won’t be suitable or sustainable to be out for 9 hours a day. You can’t ‘ask the nanny’ to be part of solving the difficulty op has, because it’s unreasonable to say ‘hey nanny, I don’t like you being in the house and I don’t like the expenses. Be part of solving this please.’ There’s no reasonable way for a nanny to solve the difficult that you don’t like having a nanny!

You need to let her know ASAP and make other arrangements.

She probably knows it's not working out, and so do the kids.

People act like it's so black and white but it's a really hard decision. When in nursery they have every illness going and are off so often with long exclusion periods.L, but then the wfh means you're still around so if the kids realise that it's really hard. Maybe it is workable if you have an office in the garden but otherwise it's hard on the nanny keeping them away from you and you feeling like you need to sneak around the house hiding from the kids! I think give it a bit longer to see if it settles down and the kids grow used to this new set up. But it definitely has its pros and cons, despite seeming like the dream!

There's always one 🙄

My thoughts exactly.

You will all need to adjust and the children will get less clingy when they see it's a normal part of the day for you to pop in, make a cup of tea and admire their latest craft or spend 5 mins in a funny face pulling game. Most will want to sit in your lap while you work but will get bored of your v dull job v quickly and not be fussed about doing it again.

They will be sick less, so will you. You will get more organised with lunch foods. Ours had their main meal at lunchtime and our nanny often batch cooked during their nap so there was always extra food in the freezer which on a busy weekend was ace. Remember all the benefits that made you make this decision.

On the costs, well eyes wide open. There's no reason not to give your nanny a budget to work within. It can't be soft play and farms every day but the children need to socialise with other children too and it's tricky when the weather is bad. Can she host other children/nannies in the garden when the weather is good? Is she new to nannying or the area - she will build up a list of friendly and free spots within a few weeks but realistically they will only be out for a few hours a day. Surely that was the point?

I think you need to give this more time!!
at the moment you are seeing the negatives and thinking the grass is greener on the other side when in reality it’s probably not!!

having a nanny saves you time, you haven’t got to rush around getting everyone ready and out the house- don’t under estimate how hard it is the leaving the house with 2 preschoolers and all their stuff!

it’s consistent, their own house and their own toys and possessions, own bed for naps etc

if one or both is ill, it’s likely the nanny would still come and look after them. When kids are at nursery they get ill CONSTANTLY! Like every few weeks! The nursery prob wont take them, or send them home if their poo is runny, they’ve got a temp, a rash etc etc and normally have 48 exclusions for any of the above, so 2-3 days off nursery each time!

time out the house doesn’t have to be expensive- compile a list of local playgroups, library, parks etc with costs and days/times

book a regular shopping slot if you haven’t got already ideally on a Sunday with the essentials for lunch making/ snacks/ nappy’s etc so you know you always start the week with plenty for the kids through the week.

buy some decent noise cancelling headphones for your work and set up a kitchenette station near or in your workspace, kettle/mini fridge, cups etc so you don’t need to pop in the kitchen for stuff and risk unsettling the children

i think calling it quits now, is unadvisable without trying the above first, you will need to give the nanny a decent notice period anyway so she’s not left in the lurch.

I really don't think it's reasonable for her to have the kids out of the house more than is happening at the moment.

It's very early days, so you may find that things do get easier. In your case, I would also consider removing myself from the house if possible.

I would give it a bit longer and see if things settle down. Would it work better if you have a bit more of a routine? This will probably naturally evolve as everyone gets more used to the situation.

Get a kettle and snacks for your work space and only appear during the day at pre arranged times. So, have your lunch with them (if you want to spend time with them during working hours), then you get back to work and the kids know it’s time for nap, t.v. time, reading hour, whatever and they will get used to the routine.

There may be toddler groups, library activities etc in the mornings that the nanny could take them to that will cost very little which would offset the cost of the occasional soft play or farm visit. If they’re out in the mornings then they will probably be happy to have a quiet couple of hours and a playtime before their tea.

Menu plan their lunches and tea and get what you need delivered with the weekly shop. If you need anything extra during the week then ask the nanny to pick it up when she’s out.

I don’t think you’ve given it a chance to work yet but if it you are still not happy in a couple of months then try a nursery or child minder but every type of childcare will bring its own problems.