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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if literally anyone feels they are paid adequate child maintenance? I'm feeling desperate

282 replies

hadenlugff · 21/04/2023 15:39

Just that really. I’m paid 570 but it won’t even cover half of the nursery fees let alone wrap around care and everything else.

Not only that but it’s not even guaranteed so I can’t rely on it… and that’s fucking awful as I should be able to have some
assurance that I won’t be left entirely to raise a child that is half someone else’s.

I know people have it worse, it’s not a race to then bottom. I’m just dreading dc starting nursery in autumn and dont know how I will manage. Is anyone happy with what they get for maintenance? Ever? It feels so shit.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 21/04/2023 15:43

No I'm not.
The amount he gives us approximately the same as the amount I have to pay for school meals. I've worked out.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 21/04/2023 15:50

I'm paid £250 for one child but I feel its fair. She's secondary school age and along with child benefit and her DLA it's plenty to cover the costs of raising her.

I have a full time job too so also pay my share towards her costs.

Nomoreminieggs · 21/04/2023 15:53

I'm paid £360 a month for one child, I feel it's more than adequate. However I don't have nursery costs to factor in. Presumably you work if DC is in nursery? Are you eligible for any financial support?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 21/04/2023 15:55

If I understand correctly child maintenance doesn't count as income for UC so have you checked to see if you are entitled to some of your childcare bill being paid?

ellie09 · 21/04/2023 15:56

No, it's never enough when you weigh how much the main parent actually pays in comparison.

I do have an adequately paid full time job. I am lucky that childcare fees are around £250 a month. However, wrap around care and school dinners etc is around £80 additional a month. Then there is all the ad hoc items you buy such as new clothes, shoes etc for a growing child. Around half of my £2400 a month wage goes towards bills for my child. I get paid £135 a month in child maintenance.

Before splitting up we halved all the bills so he would have been contributing around £500 or so a month.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 15:56

Most people aren’t.

I know a couple of people who are, but they have unusual exes who genuinely believe they should each cover a fair proportion of expenses. Including one guy who gets called a mug by his mates for paying a little maintenance, half the childcare bill and has his Dc 50% of the time.

if more folks were like him the world would be a much better place!

thispostisaboutyou · 21/04/2023 15:56

No, I get nothing so not happy, but every time CMS catch up with him he quits his job and starts being abusive again so I've made my peace with it. It sucks though. Whatever you get will ever cover half the cost of raising your child

Soontobe60 · 21/04/2023 15:56

Its difficult to say - how many children do you have, how many nights do your DC stay over at their DFs house? How much do each of you earn? It’s all relative.

OnlyFannys · 21/04/2023 15:56

I'm paid exactly £0 by self employed ex

Soontobe60 · 21/04/2023 15:58

ellie09 · 21/04/2023 15:56

No, it's never enough when you weigh how much the main parent actually pays in comparison.

I do have an adequately paid full time job. I am lucky that childcare fees are around £250 a month. However, wrap around care and school dinners etc is around £80 additional a month. Then there is all the ad hoc items you buy such as new clothes, shoes etc for a growing child. Around half of my £2400 a month wage goes towards bills for my child. I get paid £135 a month in child maintenance.

Before splitting up we halved all the bills so he would have been contributing around £500 or so a month.

How are you spending £1200 a month on your child when their childcare is only £250???

ellie09 · 21/04/2023 16:01

Soontobe60 · 21/04/2023 15:58

How are you spending £1200 a month on your child when their childcare is only £250???

Show quote history

Sorry typo - I meant £750, apologies!
I do know this is quite low compared to some people where a full salary is going towards childcare!

Admittedly it is more around £1000 a month by time everything is factored in per month.

mauricemossmylove · 21/04/2023 16:04

no, I got nothing for years and even when he did pay it was when he felt like it, he'd never set a direct debit up, he'd make me ask for the money and he'd just not pay for a variety of reasons.

Dogstar78 · 21/04/2023 16:05

I'd be over the moon. I have had nothing, not a penny for 10 years. Despite one year where they did a financial investigation and he earns £120k. He pays no tax and for a long while said he was claiming some sort of benefit which meant they couldn't take any money. The whole system is a joke.

NameChange647 · 21/04/2023 16:05

I get £0 for 2 children. I'm entitled to £7 a week which is an insult so I don't even bother.

Badbudgeter · 21/04/2023 16:08

Im not getting any maintenance at the moment and I’m not unhappy about it. To be fair ex has them every weekend whilst I work long days. During the week I work shorter shifts to accommodate drop off/ activities. He’s good about taking them places/ buying clothes/ big ticket birthday presents type stuff. It means I can spend my money on day to day stuff. Child benefit pays for activities.

It’s very hard when they are in Nursery and you have huge childcare bills. It gets easier as they get older. I used to get £600 a month maintenance and I’m much better off with no maintenance but no childcare bill.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 21/04/2023 16:11

I get nothing, never have had. I’d happily swap.

Wykkid · 21/04/2023 16:11

My ex is self employed so I will never receive a fair amount

The silver lining is that I don’t need to rely on him for anything

medianewbie · 21/04/2023 16:16

mauricemossmylove · 21/04/2023 16:04

no, I got nothing for years and even when he did pay it was when he felt like it, he'd never set a direct debit up, he'd make me ask for the money and he'd just not pay for a variety of reasons.

Snap.
No 'childcare' either.
Last year he bought the 15 y/o a hot water bottle for Xmas & the 18 yo had some of his grandads old (broken) train set. Just pathetic.

marshmallowsforbreakfast · 21/04/2023 16:25

Self employed ex. Should pay over £400 per month however I don't get that. I occasionally get the odd £200 but there's no pattern to it and I can't rely on it. Unfortunately society vilifies women who ask for money to help raise their children and makes them out to be grabby. Don't even get me started on how CMS can be reduced because a none resident parent lives with another child that isn't their own and then that resident parent receives CMS for them. Crazy.

Tiamaria86 · 21/04/2023 16:26

It depends really, is there any shared care? Do you get any universal credit based on being a single parent? I assume you get child benefit (I know it's not a big amount).

OnlyYellowRoses · 21/04/2023 16:28

I'm probably the only person I know who is happy with the amount of child maintenance I get from my children's dads.
Father of 3: £1000 per month. He also goes halves on all trips, uniforms etc. he has them Fri to Sun and half of all school holidays. High earner.
Father of youngest: £250 a month. Low earner, carer for disabled chap. But he also goes halves on whatever is needed.
We agreed payments between us then had a legal agreement done by solicitor but neither have ever missed a payment.
I'm VERY grateful to be in position I am.

LoveFlowersButHatePollen · 21/04/2023 16:30

£150 a month for 1DC but I feel it's enough as I also get DLA and CB for them. Plus I work part time.

KarmaStar · 21/04/2023 16:31

Got zero.He refused as he had a new family of step children.
Sorry no help but look again at uc to establish if you are entitled to more.
Good luck,I know exactly how very hard it is.🌈

CornishTiger · 21/04/2023 16:33

£160 per month which basically has not changed much over the years except when it went to zero for a few months.

Nothing extra paid for. Of course this means he has the funds to Disney dad for a few hours a fortnight. All the things I can’t really afford to do.

Wc100423 · 21/04/2023 16:34

OnlyYellowRoses · 21/04/2023 16:28

I'm probably the only person I know who is happy with the amount of child maintenance I get from my children's dads.
Father of 3: £1000 per month. He also goes halves on all trips, uniforms etc. he has them Fri to Sun and half of all school holidays. High earner.
Father of youngest: £250 a month. Low earner, carer for disabled chap. But he also goes halves on whatever is needed.
We agreed payments between us then had a legal agreement done by solicitor but neither have ever missed a payment.
I'm VERY grateful to be in position I am.

Do you claim UC as well?