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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if literally anyone feels they are paid adequate child maintenance? I'm feeling desperate

282 replies

hadenlugff · 21/04/2023 15:39

Just that really. I’m paid 570 but it won’t even cover half of the nursery fees let alone wrap around care and everything else.

Not only that but it’s not even guaranteed so I can’t rely on it… and that’s fucking awful as I should be able to have some
assurance that I won’t be left entirely to raise a child that is half someone else’s.

I know people have it worse, it’s not a race to then bottom. I’m just dreading dc starting nursery in autumn and dont know how I will manage. Is anyone happy with what they get for maintenance? Ever? It feels so shit.

OP posts:
PicaK · 21/04/2023 16:35

I get £450. He set up a DD and it appears in my bank account automatically on the 1st of each month.

Sometimes we argue but I always make it clear to everyone that he has never messed me about on cms. Most people are not divorced and don't even realise how incredibly rare that is. I do and I'm grateful because I know I'm lucky.

BTW have you applied for TFC (tac free childcare account) to help with nursery fees.

HorseDentist · 21/04/2023 16:36

Tiamaria86 · 21/04/2023 16:26

It depends really, is there any shared care? Do you get any universal credit based on being a single parent? I assume you get child benefit (I know it's not a big amount).

No Shared care. No Universal Credit. No Child Benefit. No Childcare paid. I get £30 a MONTH!

The system is very unfair.

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 21/04/2023 16:39

£156 one child and he has zero contact. It’s not enough

flowerbob · 21/04/2023 16:40

My exDH has always paid more than the CMS calculation would be. I'm extremely grateful to him for that. He even added £200 pm when the mortgage and energy costs went up. I'd have been absolutely stuffed without him doing that.

I've just had a promotion and have been able to tell him that I no longer need the additional £200 pm as I feel I should be fair to him too

ReadtheReviews · 21/04/2023 16:57

I have two children and an ex who is appalling with money. We are friends. He pays 250 total a month. If I asked for more he wouldnt be able to do it. They live with me full time.

IAmCinderella · 21/04/2023 16:58

The rates need changing, significantly, so that they are approximately half of the costs of raising a child and giving them a good life, so equate to half of their housing costs, utility costs, food costs, clothing, reasonable amounts of activities and holidays etc. There is no legitimate argument for this not being done.

There also needs to be a proper system of enforcement as for non-payment of Council tax or other tax evasion: criminal prosecution and prison sentences. Social stigma. Also other deterrents such as confiscation of passports and driving licences.

Dixiechickonhols · 21/04/2023 16:59

Would you go for shared care 50/50 and no maintenance?
Then childcare on his days is on him.

ChrisTrepidation · 21/04/2023 17:01

I get £250 a month for my four year old twins.

It doesn't scratch the surface

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2023 17:09

You're moaning at almost 600 a month.. some of us get diddly squat!
You also get childcare reimbursed through UC if you're single... and if you're not single then you've got finavial support through them.

Beezknees · 21/04/2023 17:11

Wc100423 · 21/04/2023 16:34

Do you claim UC as well?

Show quote history

Whether she does or not is irrelevant.

Lennybenny · 21/04/2023 17:12

Personally I think with all the benefits single parents recieve, cm as its paid on top of everything should be more than enough for the children.
If you don't recieve it regularly, don't count it as income or you will be screwed.
I got £0.

MilkshakeEarthquake · 21/04/2023 17:13

Honestly I would be very happy with £570 a month maintenance! My ex has to pay £7 a week for 4 children only he doesn't have to pay it at all as he has debts so we get nothing

Porkandbeans1 · 21/04/2023 17:14

No. I had to fight at every step to get the pittance he paid (DC is now over 18). It never covered half of even the most basic costs.

I used to work with a man who paid around £50 a week to his ex and claimed she had "trapped him" and was "bleeding him dry". He would talk about how it costs next to nothing to feed a child and she must have been spending him money on going out with her friends. He didn't like it when we pointed out all the additional costs. Even just the extra rent or mortgage for the additional bedroom cost more than a lot of these payments.

Beezknees · 21/04/2023 17:16

Lennybenny · 21/04/2023 17:12

Personally I think with all the benefits single parents recieve, cm as its paid on top of everything should be more than enough for the children.
If you don't recieve it regularly, don't count it as income or you will be screwed.
I got £0.

Not all single parents get benefits!

Crumpleton · 21/04/2023 17:16

Surely where regular payments like child care costs are concerned the cost should be split 50/50 before any other CM is worked out.

Beezknees · 21/04/2023 17:17

I get £200pm for a 15 year old. Obviously I have no childcare costs. It's fine for me.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 21/04/2023 17:17

I'm paid £440 a month for 2 children and exH thinks this is over generous. He's increased it once in 8 years. I honestly despair sometimes.

Flowerblooms · 21/04/2023 17:18

In 14 years we have had £0

JudgeRudy · 21/04/2023 17:19

It depends. Without knowing Dad's situation I can't possibly judge. Presumably he's paying out for housing (or will do). He's also only really expected to pay half of the children's upkeep.The other half is down to you. Presumably you get a little CB too.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 17:20

Lennybenny · 21/04/2023 17:12

Personally I think with all the benefits single parents recieve, cm as its paid on top of everything should be more than enough for the children.
If you don't recieve it regularly, don't count it as income or you will be screwed.
I got £0.

Not all single parents get benefits.

And you do realise that the reason they stopped counting maintenance as income for benefits is because it was so unreliable back when NRPs whose exes were on benefits owed the sec of state rather than the RP? The debt got so bad they decided something must be done and instead of actually doing anything they just said “let the rp keep it”

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 17:21

Crumpleton · 21/04/2023 17:16

Surely where regular payments like child care costs are concerned the cost should be split 50/50 before any other CM is worked out.

The NRP has no legal responsibility to pay toward childcare.

Only the maintenance proportional to their income

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 17:22

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2023 17:09

You're moaning at almost 600 a month.. some of us get diddly squat!
You also get childcare reimbursed through UC if you're single... and if you're not single then you've got finavial support through them.

It’s not a race to the bottom…

millymoo1202 · 21/04/2023 17:22

£400 a month for one but he earns 80k plus no uk tax so CMS can’t deal with it so I just have to accept what he’s offered, he also never has him to stay even though he stated he would have 1-2 nights per week, would cost me too much to try to get it upped going through a solicitor. Yes the system is crap, it’s a man’s world for sure

ChickenDhansak82 · 21/04/2023 17:23

Can he afford to pay more?

Could you not split having them 50/50 then he would be responsible for half childcare bill too?
He should be paying childcare on his days.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/04/2023 17:24

Lennybenny · 21/04/2023 17:12

Personally I think with all the benefits single parents recieve, cm as its paid on top of everything should be more than enough for the children.
If you don't recieve it regularly, don't count it as income or you will be screwed.
I got £0.

Aside from child benefit, I receive nothing else benefit wise.
OP I get £300 for one child, secondary school. I feel it's enough. I work full time and if the money was to stop, I'd be okay.