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Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
Reugny · 21/04/2023 15:15

Emm - "No"

You aren't lending her money you are giving it to her.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/04/2023 15:16

I wouldn't be giving any of it to her, you give her £1000 then there'll be a request for spending money, and then it'll be something else.

In future, don't tell anyone you've come into money

Agreeable · 21/04/2023 15:17

DS8?

wtf.

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 15:18

Honestly your ‘friend’ is a CF to ask for £1,000. Who does that?

Offer to have a weekend away with her and her DC. Do not invite her loser boyfriend.

ThatFraggle · 21/04/2023 15:19

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/04/2023 15:16

I wouldn't be giving any of it to her, you give her £1000 then there'll be a request for spending money, and then it'll be something else.

In future, don't tell anyone you've come into money

That's why I'll claim my lotto win anonymously and keep quiet about it.

Nousernamesleftatall · 21/04/2023 15:19

No. Just say you have put it in a pension or investment and don’t ever tell anyone when you come into money again.

Beamur · 21/04/2023 15:20

That's really cheeky of her to ask.
Tell her you've locked it into a savings account and can't access it until next year while you decide what to do with it.

JE17 · 21/04/2023 15:20

If you really wanted to treat your friend to such a major purchase, could you suggest a holiday together for just you and her along with her DS. But I can't believe she had the cheek to ask. I would struggle to ask a friend to lend me money even if it were to buy a few essentials so we weren't going hungry.

TokyoSushi · 21/04/2023 15:20

Gosh no, agree just say you've put it somewhere/done something with it.

Socialdistancechampion · 21/04/2023 15:21

Suggest you her and the child go away on holiday, your treat. Sell it as a "man free break"

readbooksdrinktea · 21/04/2023 15:21

Obviously don't lend her 1k. You really shouldn't have said anything about the money though.

Greydogs123 · 21/04/2023 15:22

You were daft to tell anyone. It’s not a large enough amount to help everyone and you can bet if you give her some money there’ll be others who ask. Just tell her you’ve decided you need to put it in a pension or something, but take her and her son out for dinner on you if you want to treat her.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 21/04/2023 15:22

Nousernamesleftatall · 21/04/2023 15:19

No. Just say you have put it in a pension or investment and don’t ever tell anyone when you come into money again.

This.

It’s kind of you to want to share a little of your good fortune with her but it’s extremely cheeky of her to ask. With that and moving a lazy sponger in with her and her dc she doesn’t come across well at all. I’m not sure she’s the good friend that you think she is if I’m honest.

icerosenovember · 21/04/2023 15:22

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

BranchGold · 21/04/2023 15:23

I agree with others to suggest a holiday together, minus the waste of space, if that’s something that you’d like to do.

Wibblywobblyway · 21/04/2023 15:24

I think your friend is being unreasonable for asking in the first place. Just because you’ve known each other a long time, doesn’t give her any right to ask for money. I think this puts you in a very uncomfortable position. You just shouldn’t do that to a friend. Why don’t you treat her to lunch or a child centred day out, or a mums and kids only day, preferably something that the bf wouldn’t want to do. It’s your money to do what you want with. Don’t be guilted into parting with your win.

BMW6 · 21/04/2023 15:24

Please don't give her any of your money - she's a fool and has a bloody nerve asking you for money to take this loser on a holiday!

Agree with pp - tell her you've put it into an ISA or bond and it can't be withdrawn without penalties for a year (or 5).

Sorry but I think she sees you as a bit of an ATM. You are already treating her to cinema and meals out!

Also - you must know this won't be a one-off. She'll keep on asking .

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Optimalise · 21/04/2023 15:24

It was a standing joke in our family that my Dad would tell people how 'broke' he was with a wife and two daughters to take care of, I once asked him why he did this and he replied "If folk think you've got nowt they'll expect owt from you"...he was a generous man who'd been taken advantage of previously and he'd learnt his lesson, you sound as if you've been generous with your friend in the past and now it's come back to bit you.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 21/04/2023 15:25

Say no. Once you start lending she will come back for more
Tbh your mistake was to tell her, I wouldn't even mention it again
Don't feel you have to justify your reply either
A real friend would be happy for you, not expect some!

testtrout · 21/04/2023 15:26

Well telling her about it was a bit silly to say the least.
No do not lend money. Maybe take her on a girls weekend if you feel generous but that's the absolute limit.
If you are sensible say you put It on mortgage/ pay off a debt or in pension etc and never tell people when you come into money again.

GoodChat · 21/04/2023 15:26

Where's she planning on going on holiday? £1000 is too much for a U.K. holiday and not enough for a decent abroad holiday.

LadyJ2023 · 21/04/2023 15:29

Clearly you have a very kind heart but please do not give her the holiday money. She may have been pressured into asking by the bf who knows. Why don't you book a short break and take her away instead and offer to pay say its a treat from you to her. I've done this many times and works well that way.

BMW6 · 21/04/2023 15:29

Also - why are you often treating her to cinema etc if she is on slightly less income than you??

Tinkerbyebye · 21/04/2023 15:32

Just say no, sorry I can’t afford that and am not sure you could repay it, and i haven’t fully decided what I am going to do yet (and learn your lesson not to say anything about money to her)

TeeBee · 21/04/2023 15:32

Cheeky cow!!! I just cannot imagine how people find it in them to ask such things!!! Just answer 'No, money is now all spent/accounted for'.