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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 21/04/2023 16:28

Whose idea was it to ask you do you think?
He is just going to use you as his own atm.don't lend it.
The less she has to give him,hopefully the quicker this cock lodger will move on.
I would be wary of offering a weekend even for just the two of you and dc until he is out of the picture.tell her money in a no access isa.
Please don't enable him by lending it.

kitsuneghost · 21/04/2023 16:28

Tell her the truth
You are not paying for that waste of space to go on holiday but if you want a mini break with just us we can do that and I am happy to pay.

mybeautifuloak · 21/04/2023 16:29

I think the idea upthread of saying you have put it into an investment / pension is a good idea. It's locked up

Hellybelly84 · 21/04/2023 16:30

£10,000 is ofcourse a nice amount of money but you haven’t just won millions on the Euromillions! That amount would just about get you a new kitchen in most houses. I would say you are putting it away for something special and not touching it, but it is beyond rude to ask in the first place!

If she wants £1000 for a holiday and says she can pay it back (ha ha!), surely she would just get a loan or put it on a credit card?

You wont see that money again and it will damage your friendship for good (although just asking in the first place would put me off wanting to be friends).

whatsyourpoison13 · 21/04/2023 16:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it was the work of a previously banned poster.

BellaJuno · 21/04/2023 16:32

Adding to the chorus of “hell no”! Tell her you’ve locked it into a long term ISA as a nest egg for your future and don’t discuss it again. And don’t overthink it, she’s really cheeky to even ask, I bet she didn’t explain how she plans to pay it back…..

Thebigblueballoon · 21/04/2023 16:32

Yep, I’d also say I’d put it in an ISA or something, so you can’t access the money. What a shame and a cheek that she’s done that. She’s going to be eyeing up any purchase you make for the foreseeable future and questioning you about where you for the money.
If you want to treat her to something - and I wouldn’t after her being such a CF - you could suggest a night out for the two of you to celebrate your win.

bunnybunnybunnybunny · 21/04/2023 16:32

No, do not lend your friend this money unless you are happy to write it off (should they not pay it back).

suzettenoisette · 21/04/2023 16:32

No!

And always keep it to yourself when you win larger amounts of money. This is why!

It would be different if she really needed it but it sounds like it was her BFs idea and it is not truly necessary.

Blondey2023 · 21/04/2023 16:33

The absolute cheek of your friend!! Staggering.

Tell her no and to piss off. It's YOUR money and spend it wisely. Not on CF and her waste of space partner.

momonpurpose · 21/04/2023 16:34

This would be the same as handing the money to him. If she wants a vacation let him pay it. Please don't give her the money

PoseyFlump · 21/04/2023 16:35

we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

Your 'friend' knows your opinion of her new BF. She never should have asked for his holiday. And two years is sod all. Lots of people still haven't gone on a proper holiday since the pandemic.

She's tainted your friendship and I'm not sure I'd be able to get over this. I treated similar friends with lower incomes one upon a time. When their children grow up and incomes improve guess what happens? Fuck all. Totally forgotten.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 21/04/2023 16:35

Don’t lend her a penny, would she do the same for you? I doubt she would and she sounds dd like she’s taken advantage of your generosity in the past and will continue to do so. In fact she’s ramped it up notch

strawberry2017 · 21/04/2023 16:37

I haven't been on Holiday since 2018 and I would NEVER ask a friend to lend me money for a holiday.
That's rude.
Lending that amount of money ruins friendships and the chances of you getting it back are slim.
I would politely decline.

ArrrMeHearties · 21/04/2023 16:37

I wouldn't be giving her any money and if she and her bf want to go on holiday then they can save up themselves

JimnJoyce · 21/04/2023 16:38

similar happened to me although I came into money by selling a house after Fiance and I split up. A very good friend immediately asked me to lend him £2k and my sister asked to borrow £1k. I said yes to both. My sister repaid the money. Never saw or heard from friend again.

cruisecrazy · 21/04/2023 16:39

Do not lend this CF friend money, but suggest she tells her cocklodger BF, of only 4 months, to get a job, then she could go on holiday. Unfortunately your money is now tied up in a 2 year ISA.

OKFinally · 21/04/2023 16:40

I inherited a six figure sum about six months ago, no hiding the inheritance but the figure has not been revealed,(though it wouldn’t take much working out) over the last few months I have treated friends, last night three of us went out for drinks and food and I got to the bar first and bought a very nice bottle of wine and said this is on my DM.

I overtipped my friend who massages me, I over tipped the cleaner, and I gave our ironing lady a couple of hundred, she is more than an ironing lady and has become a steady family friend over the years.

Not one of them have asked to borrow (take) money from me.

Tell her to go forth and multiply. 😡

LateMumma · 21/04/2023 16:41

No

Ellie43 · 21/04/2023 16:41

Wow what a cheeky friend.

if I won the jackpot I’d happily share it around.
but £10k doesn’t go that far to share out.

better to put it to good use for yourself.

Icepinkeskimo · 21/04/2023 16:42

You keep your money to yourself OP, in life you never ever know what’s around the corner financially.
Just tell her you’ve put the majority of it in a savings account and it’s locked in.
If you want to do something nice for her and her child, go out somewhere lovely for the day.
It’s really not on tapping up a friend for money for a holiday. Mind you, i would ask her if she wants a new tent! Kids love camping!

MonsterMunchengladbach · 21/04/2023 16:45

Agree with all those who suggest you tell her you have already invested it and can't touch it now.

DontbesuchanarseGlenda · 21/04/2023 16:49

Your ‘friend’ feels comfortable asking for one tenth of your money for her luxuries?
Hell no.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 21/04/2023 16:52

Do you think its the BF telling her to ask for it or has she got form for being a CF?

ScribblingPixie · 21/04/2023 16:54

I would tell her you've put it into a pension\isa as it's a one-off opportunity to give yourself some security for the future - and never mention money again.