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Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
DarkDarkNight · 21/04/2023 16:55

Absolutely not. First of all I think it’s very cheeky of her to ask for money so quickly (or at all really) after you told her about your win. Secondly I wouldn’t want to give a man like that my money.

Your friend has put you in a really awkward position. I would say to her you have plans for the money or need it for something important and feel uncomfortable giving her so much. If you actually do want to use some of your money on a holiday for her which you’re really not obligated to, why not suggest a holiday park or resort area reasonably close to where you live for just you and your friend and children to go together. Cut the useless boyfriend out of the equation.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 21/04/2023 16:56

Asking for money for a holiday wishing an hour of your lucky windfall is not the actions of a friend (2 years is not a long time by the way. And she hasn’t been with the loser for 5 mins).

Tell her the money has gone into a long term investment, you need the security for your future. I would also be telling her you don’t pay for deadbeat BFs holidays .

Truestorypeeps · 21/04/2023 16:56

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 15:18

Honestly your ‘friend’ is a CF to ask for £1,000. Who does that?

Offer to have a weekend away with her and her DC. Do not invite her loser boyfriend.

I like this suggestion!

uggmum · 21/04/2023 16:56

Do not lend your friend any money.

I did this and I regret it to this day.

I didn't receive a payment for a year and was ghosted.

I now receive a small amount every month which will take years to be fully repaid.

I will stress this was my best friend. Promised me the world and seriously let me down.

ShowUs · 21/04/2023 16:57

If she asked for money for the basics then I may have thought about it.

The fact that she wants it for a holiday is taking the absolute piss and the entitlement of it is shocking!

I would reply like you thought she was joking - 😂😂 yeah right. Do you want a new porshe while I’m at it??

I personally would say absolutely no way and be blunt about it but if you aren’t comfortable doing that then just say it’s already been spent on other things eg paying off your debts, new car and a holiday so you can’t afford to give her any.

I would never have told anyone and if I wanted to I would have said £2k so it was considerably less than the actual amount.

Lennybenny · 21/04/2023 16:58

Nope. Don't do it! This will be the beginning, then it'll be a food top up or money for electric and then when that doesn't work, food for ds and clothes for ds and on and on!!

If you decide to treat her, make sure you plan and pay in advance so she doesn't add anything on to it!! Nothing for bf either!

You know she's going to use the boy for sympathy.

Rudicoolcat · 21/04/2023 16:58

Beamur · 21/04/2023 15:20

That's really cheeky of her to ask.
Tell her you've locked it into a savings account and can't access it until next year while you decide what to do with it.

This sounds good to me ☝️ and well done on your win 😁👏

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/04/2023 16:59

Don't do it, it will go straight into his pocket and they wont go on hoilday.
£10,000 isn't much. It wont last long.

Newmum0322 · 21/04/2023 17:04

Say you were going to surprise her, that you’ve already booked a holiday for the three of you to go away, you, her and DS8, and it’s non refundable.

CandlelightGlow · 21/04/2023 17:07

Sorry but £1k is a huge proportion of £10k. I don't know anyone in my life who wouldn't need all of that. What about you needing it for holiday money!

Luckily as it is a (amazing still!!) but smallish amount, you should be able to quite easily talk it away saying that unfortunately you've already spent it on things you needed to.

If it was £100k I'd understand but then again so would you and I bet you'd lend it! £10k is just not enough.

Original poster
Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 17:07

I actually won it at the bingo! The second time I’ve been there in my life! I went with a colleague who asked me to go and she was flabbergasted as she goes twice a week.

I guess I thought I might be horrible because of her DS who is 8 who would probably like some sort of trip away. I’m thinking I could counter offer taking them to a theme park or something.

OP posts:
CandlelightGlow · 21/04/2023 17:08

Newmum0322 · 21/04/2023 17:04

Say you were going to surprise her, that you’ve already booked a holiday for the three of you to go away, you, her and DS8, and it’s non refundable.

Aw that's lovely! Sorry OP I obviously didn't read your post properly.

ColdHandsHotHead · 21/04/2023 17:09

I'd wait until they break up then invite her on a holiday with you to get over him.

CandlelightGlow · 21/04/2023 17:09

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 17:07

I actually won it at the bingo! The second time I’ve been there in my life! I went with a colleague who asked me to go and she was flabbergasted as she goes twice a week.

I guess I thought I might be horrible because of her DS who is 8 who would probably like some sort of trip away. I’m thinking I could counter offer taking them to a theme park or something.

That's more than fair!

MonsterMunchengladbach · 21/04/2023 17:11

ColdHandsHotHead · 21/04/2023 17:09

I'd wait until they break up then invite her on a holiday with you to get over him.

This is good, too!

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/04/2023 17:12

How about offering to take her and her child somewhere instead? As long as you'd enjoy it too. And if you do that, keep accommodation details to yourself to ensure the BF doesn't suddenly appear. (Though that would require him getting off the sofa...)

Honestly, if a friend told me she'd won ten grand I would not immediately ask for a "loan" of a tenth of it. What a way to take the shine off the moment. Are you sure she's a good friend?

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 21/04/2023 17:12

@Moneyfriend it’s really rude of her to ask. You don’t owe her a holiday. A nice spa day, theme park trip as you’ve suggested is generous. You would never see this money again and would resent paying for the loser bf. Just say “it’s not possible, sorry”.

WhatToDo2023 · 21/04/2023 17:14

Absolutely not and I doubt she is as good of a friend as you say. That's horrible of her.

vilepig · 21/04/2023 17:15

I guess I thought I might be horrible because of her DS who is 8 who would probably like some sort of trip away. I’m thinking I could counter offer taking them to a theme park or something.I guess I thought I might be horrible because of her DS who is 8 who would probably like some sort of trip away. I’m thinking I could counter offer taking them to a theme park or something

I'm sure he would like a trip away but it's not up to you to provide it.
She's a cheeky fucker.
Do not "counter offer". Just say no - some others have suggested saying you've put it in a fixed rate bond or something, so you could say that.

At a later date you could suggest the theme park day out if that's what you would like to do.

Goldbar · 21/04/2023 17:16

Your mistake was mentioning it to her.

I'd probably say something like 'sorry, I've earmarked it for boring stuff like paying off a few things'. And then make the offer of a day out somewhere special with her and her son.

raincamepouringdown · 21/04/2023 17:16

Why on earth would you 'lend' or give her money to go on a holiday?

Not your circus. Tell her she'll have to save up if she wants a holiday; it's not your job to fund one for her.

Or just say, No, that doesn't work for me. And be done with it. You don't actually owe her an explanation.

squidgybits · 21/04/2023 17:16

Cheeky fuckery of the highest level
My mother died and left me some money, my CF "friend" asked to "borrow" half of it. I had to say no

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/04/2023 17:16

I don't think you can offer a theme park now instead of a holiday. I know you didn't offer the holiday but she has that in her mind now and anything less than that she won't be happy with. I think you have to accept that she and her boyfriend will be very miserable, thinking that that money was partly theirs. Of course it's ridiculous. A good friend would just be happy for you. If I were you, I would say that you realised you could end up frittering it away, so you have put it straight into a 10 year saving plan on the advice of a financial advisor.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/04/2023 17:17

squidgybits · 21/04/2023 17:16

Cheeky fuckery of the highest level
My mother died and left me some money, my CF "friend" asked to "borrow" half of it. I had to say no

She wanted half of it!!! I am so sorry you lost your mum and that your friend showed herself in her true colours.

crazeecatlady · 21/04/2023 17:17

This is why nobody knows anything about our finances. My BiL always asks 'how much did you pay for that then' cos he always gets things at a lower price......We invited them to come away with us on NYE. They'd only have to pay for flights and cos it was NYE they were over the odds. Anyway whilst we were away he got talking to someone who had come away on a package holiday at a lower price and he kept on and on and on about it. I think he thought we had fleeced him somehow. Never mind that it was 5* apartment.