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Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 21/04/2023 15:33

I think that expecting to be loaned (or even worse? given 10% of your win within an hour of hearing about it is a bit cheeky. You may have other people besides her that you might like to treat (as well as enjoying it yourself if course) and wiping out £1000 of it on one person is a considerable sum gone before you've even thought of what else you might like to do with it. Even if the loan is repaid it is likely to be at a small sum a month which you would have to wait for and probably have to push to get back. With or without the looser BF it is a bit cheeky of her. Unless you are prepared to say goodbye forever to the £1000 I would be saying no. If you still want to give her a treat you can come up with something to do just for you and her. A spa hotel overnight with lovely evening meal, wine ext would be a lot less and as she is your friend not the BF you would be giving your friend and yourself a lovely treat without spending on him. That is if you still feel like treating her after this. 😁 Enjoy your lovely prize op and don't let anyone guilt you into spending it in ways you don't want. 💐

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/04/2023 15:34

What a cheeky cow she is! Don't give her a penny. You shouldn't be paying for her when you go out either. You are basically subsidising her useless boyfriend.

Createausername1970 · 21/04/2023 15:35

Either give the money to her as a gift - not a loan - and then its up to her what she does with it.

Or do as many others have said, tell her you already put most of it into a savings bond and you can't withdraw for 2 years.

Its a bit cheeky.

Original poster
Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:38

I agree I shouldn’t have said anything that quick, I think I was just excited to have won something and opened my big mouth.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 21/04/2023 15:42

Tell her you've seen a financial advisor who recommended you put it in a long term savings plan that can t be accessed. Never discuss money with her again.

DrManhattan · 21/04/2023 15:43

Are you sure she's your friend? I wouldn't ask a friend for part of some money they had just come into. Its really rude. Tell her no.

Farmageddon · 21/04/2023 15:43

If she can't afford a grand to go on a holiday at the moment, how exactly is she going to pay you back?

Never tell people you have come into a large amount of money, even good friendships can be trashed by jealousy, or borrowing and never paying back.

The previous suggestions of investing it are good, you could wait a few months and bring her and her son on a trip somewhere.

It sounds like the boyfriend is pushing this to be honest, he seems to like other people paying for him...

billy1966 · 21/04/2023 15:44

OP,

I mean the following kindly.

If you do not have savings and now suddenly have a possible small nest egg of emergency money, you would be spectacularly silly to do anything with it.

Having a safety net of money is a truly great thing.

You do not owe your cheeky fxxker friend or her loser boyfriend a holiday.

What age are you?

Can you not see that having an emergency fund is sensible?

I wouldn't be parting with a penny of it.

You will bitterly regret blowing this money needlessly.

sweatervest · 21/04/2023 15:45

I wouldn't reply to her and wait for her to ask again and then you'll know she means business seeing as she's asked you twice (the audacity) and then you can, like grange hill, just say no

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/04/2023 15:47

Absolutely not. Say it’s earmarked for necessities.

GorgonzolaSouffle · 21/04/2023 15:48

ABSOLUTELY NOT

DONT DO IT

You we’re daft to tell her. I can never understand why people go public with a lottery win.

tell her your accountant has suggested you invest everything apart from £500 and you are treating her to a weekend away.

but that’s it.

NumberTheory · 21/04/2023 15:49

I don’t think you should not give her the money because you don’t like her boyfriend (and I agree he sounds horrendous).

I think she’s rude asking, but it sounds like you wouldn’t be that bothered about that if it wasn’t for the boyfriend. So if that’s the case, take a deep breath, remind yourself that your friend gets to make her own choices in life and that incudes the bad ones. And treat her as you would if she were single or with a guy you got along with.

billyt · 21/04/2023 15:50

It would be a big fat NO from me, as well.

More than likely it's her cocklodger 'partner' who has suggested this.

Easy way to get a £1000 without having to do anything.

And of course, the 'holiday' won't happen due to one thing or another.

And you won't see any money back.

Nocutenamesleft · 21/04/2023 15:50

No no no no no no no

and no.

viques · 21/04/2023 15:51

If you did lend give her the money you could kiss goodbye to the friendship. The money would always be an awkward elephant in the room that neither of you would want to address, so you would probably both deal with it by drifting apart.

It sounds as though she will need a good friend sooner or later, so as others have suggested take her on a weekend break ,maybe somewhere like centreparks if her dd is also invited, enjoy her company but say the rest of the money is tied up in a long term savings account.

Heronwatcher · 21/04/2023 15:54

No, that’s 1/10 of your winnings. And as you say she’s not going to pay you back. If you really want to do something with her why don’t the 2 of you go away for a night or something?

LookItsMeAgain · 21/04/2023 15:54

I wouldn't 'loan' her the money as she won't see it as a loan, she is most likely going to see it as something that she is entitled to share in as she is your friend.

You don't say if you have any children yourself @Moneyfriend , but if you do, what I would do in relation to your windfall is put 80% of it away as a rainy day fund.

That will give you 2k to fritter away if you want to. I'd book a weekend away somewhere for you and your friend. Just the two of you. Just because her choices in partner aren't great, doesn't mean that you couldn't extend a weekend away somewhere nice in the UK for you and her. I'd spend about £600-£1k on that weekend away for just the two of you because it's your money and you're also getting the benefit of the weekend away. Him, though, if you don't want him there, you don't have to have him there.

That's what I would do. You're treating your friend to a weekend away. He can get his act together and get enough money to take his wife/girlfriend and their kid away but you can do something nice for your friend.

WaltzingWaters · 21/04/2023 15:54

Very very cheeky of her to ask. Perhaps if her DP got a job they’d be able to afford a holiday.
Say you’ve put your winnings into a savings account or pension and don’t tell her if you win money again.

ToWonderWhyIBother · 21/04/2023 15:56

I would offer to take friend and her child away for a few days and enjoy a few treats at your expense, and agree with the others just say that you have put it away in an account that you can't get access to so you don't waste it.

I'm sorry but i'm going to be nosy and ask how you won the money 😂

I'm one of many hopefuls that it will happen to me one day, but so far all I've won is a box of chocolates with cherry filling (that I detest) so I gave them to my friend who was very happy.

Vivalaive · 21/04/2023 15:57

“No” is a whole sentence op! I can’t believe the cheek of some people you know, not your fault op, but personally I wouldn’t tell a soul if I won money because everyone would be round with a sob story. Not your problem, enjoy your winnings x

TollgateDebs · 21/04/2023 15:57

It's a no, as what's next, a weekend break, the rent?

Xarrie · 21/04/2023 15:58

Haha, it's already invested. Have a nice weekend.

Nomoreminieggs · 21/04/2023 15:59

Please no, don't do it! Although a significant amount of money it really isn't that much. Do not waste it on your CF friend.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/04/2023 15:59

I'd say you were planning on taking her out for a nice meal and have most of it invested now so no 1k available.

Do you think she mentioned it to her new BF and he has whispered in her ear a bit?
I would be really disappointed if a close long term friend came back with that request after an hour tbh.

AppallinglyReheated · 21/04/2023 16:00

'Dear Friend,

I've sought financial advice from a professional and so can't lend any as it's all put away for the future. However this means I can relax a little with current spending and would like to invite you and your DS away for a short break with me to xxx, or if DS has relatives/friends he'd rather stay with we could make it a girls trip away'.

That should say clearly that it does not include the new BF, if she pushes it you'll have to say a flat no 'sorry, this invite does not include X, it isn't a matter of affording it, I would not find it relaxing to go away with him as I don't know him well'.

If you want to of course, I might feel inclined to say 'fuck off you cheeky bastards' and go away without any of 'em!