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Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 21/04/2023 17:18

I'd tell her that you're going to buy a 10k long term savings bond so need the full amount for that but offer to take her and son to theme park anyway to celebrate .

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/04/2023 17:21

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 17:07

I actually won it at the bingo! The second time I’ve been there in my life! I went with a colleague who asked me to go and she was flabbergasted as she goes twice a week.

I guess I thought I might be horrible because of her DS who is 8 who would probably like some sort of trip away. I’m thinking I could counter offer taking them to a theme park or something.

But It's not your responsibility to take her son on a trip away, you're not his mother why isn't she putting money away to take him away rather than having boyfriends move in and sponge off her and her kid? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Spend the 10k on yourself. Buy a new car, or something fun or some saving bonds you never know what's round the corner op.

MeridianB · 21/04/2023 17:21

billyt · 21/04/2023 15:50

It would be a big fat NO from me, as well.

More than likely it's her cocklodger 'partner' who has suggested this.

Easy way to get a £1000 without having to do anything.

And of course, the 'holiday' won't happen due to one thing or another.

And you won't see any money back.

All of this. I can't believe she asked at all, but within an hour?! CF.

FannyPhart · 21/04/2023 17:25

Definitely not. Asking to borrow £1000 within an hour of you revealing your good fortune? Seriously, re-evaluate your friendship. This is a user not a friend.

azlazee1 · 21/04/2023 17:26

Friend? I think she is way out of line to ask you for the money. A friend would congratulate You on your winnings, not stand there with her hand out.

PinkFootstool · 21/04/2023 17:26

"Hi CF, all the money is accounted for, sorry".

No need to justify yourself. She's shown her colours.

HalliwellManor · 21/04/2023 17:28

No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no.
Your 'friend' is taking the piss and very rude to even ask.She doesn't sound very nice or level headed to be honest.If you do,then you're a fool as you will never see that money again.

gelliprintcess · 21/04/2023 17:34

I'll just be honest. I'd rather have the money than a "friend" who thinks it's acceptable to request this much money for a luxury.

FannyPhart · 21/04/2023 17:37

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 17:07

I actually won it at the bingo! The second time I’ve been there in my life! I went with a colleague who asked me to go and she was flabbergasted as she goes twice a week.

I guess I thought I might be horrible because of her DS who is 8 who would probably like some sort of trip away. I’m thinking I could counter offer taking them to a theme park or something.

What's the betting she won't be content with that and will still want to squeeze that £1000 out of you with a sob story and you're never going to see it again? You're still not understanding the base level her motivations and loyalty towards you is at, are you? She wasn't thinking about how much your friendship meant to her when within an hour she was thinking about how she could get some of that money out of you. Seriously, re-evaluate this friendship. I'm also willing to bet that when you say no you'll suddenly find yourself being told you can't be that much of a friend if you won't 'help' her. Don't walk into this one and be that friend people just use because you're so gullible. The fact she's even thinking this way shows where her loyalties are not with you. I wouldn't even mind if it was something desperately urgent or she was in trouble but no, she just wants to go off and have a fun holiday at your expense that you're not invited to. You find out who your real friends are at times like this when loyalties are tested and I think you just found out who yours are..

ChaoticCrumble · 21/04/2023 17:38

The thing is, it's not that much in the big scheme of things - ie it can make a big difference to you but it's an amount that's quite easy to spend away. If you gave her 1k that's 10% of your lovely windfall that you might desperately need one day!

Twinedpeaks · 21/04/2023 17:40

Agreeable · 21/04/2023 15:17

DS8?

wtf.

What's the wtf for?

ChickenDhansak82 · 21/04/2023 17:44

I think she is rather rude to ask!

Taking her DS on holiday with some guy she has only been dating 4 months?!?!?

I'd suggest you, her and her DS go on holiday together instead!

Blizzard23 · 21/04/2023 17:45

God no, don’t do it.
I would reassess the friendship though - cf!

Eggseggseverywhere · 21/04/2023 17:46

Just take her to a Costa and buy her a cake. If she moans for more she isn't a real friend.... Bet the suggestion has come from her bf. Nip it in the bud now.

Bobshhh · 21/04/2023 17:47

In my head £10,000 is not enough money to be giving any away to anyone else, unless you’re already incredibly well off.

HistoryFanatic · 21/04/2023 17:48

Looks like she has shown her true colours, OP. Say no!

Wheresthebeach · 21/04/2023 17:50

Bloody Hell OP - she's a chancer isn't she? Uh...no. Unless you've amassed large amounts of money that is sitting in a bank, and don't need to pay anything pesky like rent, mortgage etc you should be keeping it all for yourself.

Madness to enter into a negotiation with her over how much of her winnings she gets! She won't like your counter offer I bet. Like everyone else has said - she no friend.

Hawkins003 · 21/04/2023 17:53

I understand your perspectives, if I won ££ the only device that would know is the bank machine, or bank worker and that's it, even then I'd try to downplay how I got the amount.

AnneWhittle · 21/04/2023 17:55

does she have form for asking for money?
because, taking into account the useless BF I wonder if it is actually him who has suggested/pressured her to ask this
I agree with all PPs if you 'lend' this ££ you will never see it again. Decide what if anything you would be happy to give her and her son or what you'd like to treat them to - offer it and say the rest is accounted for.

Back2front · 21/04/2023 17:57

Definitely not. And she shouldn't be asking

eish · 21/04/2023 17:59

She is awful to ask.

Also that is a significant amount of your winnings, 10%.

Cocobeachy · 21/04/2023 17:59

Good grief !
NO!
A small treat like a day out that you choose to give would be nice but she rang you within an hour 😱
Big mistake to tell her Op
She will wheedle at you.
Say no, it's tied up in an account for 5 years .
She's no friend to ask this .
Please please be strong or you will end up with no money and no friend.
The wisest thing ever said was " watch how they react when you say no"
That will tell you everything

ReginaGeorgeismyname · 21/04/2023 18:01

Friends don't ask for 1k for holidays. I wouldn't even do the theme park! I cannot imagine any of my friends even dreaming of asking. Honestly she is no friend. You would be a fool to part with the money. Enjoy your win!

ColdHandsHotHead · 21/04/2023 18:01

I'll bet you anything the layabout boyfriend thought of this one and thinks he's going to grab himself an easy thousand quid.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 21/04/2023 18:02

Totally get it OP, I wouldn’t either. Maybe invite her plus kid to come on hols with you?

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