To not “lend” this money to my friend?

[Moneyfriend]

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

Not in a million years would I have told a SOUL about a £10,000 win. There's always some cheeky fucker/scrounger/chancer who wants to "borrow" some money. (Inverted commas around "borrow" coz you rarely get it back!)

Many years ago, (probably about 35) I got made redundant from a factory and I got £2000 redundancy pay. That was a lot of money 35 years ago. Probably something like £7,000 now. I instantly had my uncle's wife (auntie by marriage,) asking if I could lend her £250 to pay off some debts. Straight away she asked. It had been in my bank account for about a day. I said I did not want to lend it to her, but my mom practically bullied me into it, said 'she needs the money. WAY more than you!'

Then a cousin from a different aunt and uncle suddenly had a gas bill of £125 which she (allegedly) couldn't afford to pay (probably £400 in today's money,) so she needed some money for that. Again, mom said 'oh come on, you've got this money, you can help her.' So I lent it to her.

I eventually got the £250 back of my auntie, but it was eight months before I got it. I never saw the £125 from my cousin.

About a year later, I still had some of the money left (about £1300.) and one of my second cousins who never hardly spoke to me and would pass me in the street and ignore me 90% of the time, said he needed to fix his car so it could pass the MOT, and could I swing £300 pound over to him? (Probably like £1000 in today's money.)

At this point I said 'absolutely 100% no,' and dug my heels in and said to my mom, 'it's my money, I got it for losing my job, it's redundancy money.' She said, 'well, you got another job now,' but no, I dug my heels in and would not give it to him ... Even now, 35 years later, he still doesn't speak to me. Never uttered more than 5 words a year to me anyway. Wasn't much of a loss.

it's 6 weeks old, OP had a berevement. It is not beyond the bounds of possiblity that this is still A Thing. There were no updates.

So - what makes you lot the thread police?

please do not give her the holiday money. She may have been pressured into asking by the bf who knows.

This!

What Squirrels and @LadyJ2023 says.

I also wonder if her beloved c*cklodger has put her up to it.

Tell her "No" - you have plans for that money and need it all. You don't have to justify yourself to her. It's a shame that this may affect your friendship, but it's not as though it's something really necessary, like needing life-saving surgery for her child that can only happen in Europe/ US/ wherever when you would doubtless say "Take it and don't worry about paying it back". This is a holiday - a bit of fun. Very nice but not vital.

Even now, 35 years later, he still doesn't speak to me. Never uttered more than 5 words a year to me anyway. Wasn't much of a loss.

Not a loss?

I'd consider that a bonus! 😆

Dear Friend,
There's a bereavement in the family. It has shook me up and made me realise I need more financial security. My winnings will go into investment towards my future expenses and to settle current debts. As a treat before it's locked up in savings, I'd love to get away with you on a girl's weekend, please bring DS too.

OP

You don't come across as horrible, you come across as normal! If someone lent money like this I would think it was odd and they would never see it again.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Definitely don't make any financial decisions until you are feeling less distressed.

You could buy your friend's son a lovely gift - or take the two of them for a nice day out, if you want to treat the child. You don't have to fund a holiday for the "family".

TBH if she hasn't known him long she shouldn't have him anywhere near her son to start off with.

Cross-post @captainmarvella

Nothing wrong with a "girl's" weekend away (plus child) rather than subsidising her idle BF.

😆 YEP!

£10k is not a lot of money and blowing a grand on a holiday for self might be just about justified but giving it away and nit even fif good charitable reasons is daft. If you Want to give away a tenth then give it to a decent charity you support. Not to a 40 yo loser so he can have an undeserved holiday on your dime.

Have more backbone. Tell your friend no. She's taking the piss asking.

I would say no to the loan but there is £300 for a lovely weekend break on me - job done! Friend given a treat and no loan required (which frankly you will never see again and will be the end of your friendship!)

A firm - NO, I have too many debts to spurge a penny.

However, much later you could extend your friend and her child an invitation to a weekend away with you - or to a theme park or something.

I can't believe the cheek of some people.

£10k would pay off my credit card and most - maybe even all - of my outstanding electricity bill. I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, not even my OH.

Who put you in charge of AIBU?

We also won 10K last year.
we only told 1 friend and she became a nightmare asking (just like your friend) within hours of knowing. There was always a dramatic event that was happening that only money could help her out of. It was horrific.

We’ve now cut all ties with her as she was relying on us to get her milk for her children and she claims a LOT from the government (not all eligible for either). Even with the money we won she brings in more than our 2 parents working family!! Wish we never had said. Those friends that don’t know 1 asked for help when she really needed it and we were able to help out and she has paid back it all and more.

I wouldn’t offer anything to anyone.
Really have a think whether they would do that for you if they won this or more?! Xx

10k isn't that much (which sucks),
How about you say "you already spent 7k on debt/ mortgage so only have 3k- so u can't afford to fork over 33%.

But how about I treat you to a holiday?"

Tell her it’s alreayd locked away in an account you can’t access for at least a year to get a better interest rate. Then think about actually doing so.

Have you seen the price of holidays in the. UK

Not been able afford to holiday in the U.K. for a long time

She really isn't your friend.

She's a chancer who has sussed your good nature and is now taking advantage of that.

Keep your money and lose this sponger. You deserve better OP.

£1,000 is a large amount for you to give out of the £10,000 you've gained. You will silly to tell her but that's done now.

No, do not give her a thousand for a holiday. Tell her the money is earmarked for various projects but you'd like to treat her, give her £250 and pay for a nice meal out. That's quite a decent sum and more than she has now. It's not up to you to pay for her holidays, others manage to scrimp, save and book a week in a caravan with their kids; they enjoy themselves too! She can do the same. Does her boyfriend not work and contribute?

WTF you on about... I have NEVER spent more than £1k to go abroad and had many wonderful holiday.

UK holidays tend to cost more than abroad, in the past it cost up more to do 1 week in october in a caravan in scotland than it did to do 10 days in a beautiful riad in morroco at xmas or a week in toulouse in the school summer holiday.

I would reply back and say "I would if you were with any other boyfriend, but while you're with that worthless pos, the answer is no." Yes, I truly would, but I am forthright and abrupt, the opposite of most UKers.

Friend and BF are extremely CFs. But isn’t it weird that although everyone would like to win money, when someone else wins some, it’s somehow up for grabs- as though money you’ve won is undeserved.
I bet if a well paid family member got a 10k bonus from work, even if they did nothing or precious little to earn it (e.g. others in their team did the work) people wouldn’t be all over them for loans. But winnings are seen differently.

You shouldn’t tell people when you’ve got money and they haven’t, learned that years ago!