To think we try and encourage babies to be independent too soon?

[graciousgrace]

I just don't understand the obsession with wanting babies to be so independent so early on? I go to quite a few baby groups, and am constantly hearing comments like...

"I don't spoon feed my baby, I've encouraged self feeding from day one."

"My baby sleeps through the night because I didn't respond to their cries when they woke up."

"I don't rock my baby to sleep because they need to learn to put themselves to sleep and self soothe."

"I don't co-sleep because my baby needs to be in their own room in their own cot."

And the most shocking one of all... a mum at a baby group I went to said that her 7 month old baby "will only do a poo on the toilet"! Literally couldn't make it up!

As a mum who happily spoon feeds, co-sleeps and rocks my baby to sleep, it is so annoying hearing these comments because it's like these mums think they're superior. What's wrong with me wanting to treat my baby like a, you know, baby? I mean, great for you if those things work for you, but us mums who do things differently shouldn't be made to feel inadequate or like we're doing things wrong. Babies are only babies for such a short amount of time, so why can't we embrace the time when they actually need us to do things for them? I doubt I'll have a 15 year who still wants to be spoon fed, rocked to sleep and sleep in my bed 😂 does anyone agree or am I just being too sensitive?

@Botw1 so are these not tips on how to share a bed safely? (taken from NHS link)

‘’Be safe if you share a bed with your baby If you share a bed with your baby (co-sleeping), you should:

• make sure they sleep on a firm, flat mattress lying on their back
• not have any pillows or duvets near them
• not have other children or pets in the bed at the same time’’

Just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t mean it can’t be done safely. Would you rather parents & carers fell asleep with a baby in their arms or on the sofa? Which isn’t deemed safe by the NHS?
I’m not against putting baby in a cot, absolutely not but some of us have no choice but to co sleep to get any sleep at all.

@LucyWeb1

No.

Because it can't be done safely. You can reduce some of the risk. That's all

It is always inherently less safe than baby in its own bare sleep space, on its back feet to foot

And as your picture shows, even when people say they are co sleeping 'safely' they aren't.

How many change the mattress? How many kick out their oh? Or don't have covers etc.

I dont agree there is no other choice. And that co sleeping is the only alternative to accidentally falling asleep on the sofa.

There's also a difference between reducing the risk incase you fall asleep in the bed and planning on bed sharing all the time

Mine refused to be fed. He is a stubborn bugger. No chance of me being allowed.

@Botw1 you don’t agree so must be correct is that where we are going with this?

So just because you can't bear for your baby to be away from you doesn't mean others are encouraging independence too early.

It is always inherently less safe than baby in its own bare sleep space, on its back feet to foot

This isn't necessarily true. There is evidence that breastfeeding and cosleeping with infants can reduce the risk of SIDS by regulating breathing.

@WhiskersPete 👍🏻

I don't see what's shocking about a baby using a toilet. No one likes soiling themselves, babies included.

@WhiskersPete

It is true.

Reducing risk doesn't remove it.

And whilst I've seen evidence that bf reduces the risk of SIDs I haven't seen any for co sleeping.

Each to their own! In some cultures its normal to get them independent from a very very very young age. You do you, there's no right or wrong really.

This.

Wait until you get to school. The competition around school will this look like a walk in the park.

Parenting is awash with competition and passive aggressive oneupmanship. It will get a lot worse than this.

The only way to deal is to learn not to give a shit.

I did elimination communication with my baby and he has toileted on a potty since birth. This is the way that many cultures outside of the west parent. I find it odd that people in the west think it's fine to let their babies poo their pants and in fact train them to do that. Leave people to parent how they want to.

It was common in the west in the past to toilet train at about 2 and younger due to washing nappies.

@threelittlescones

Can I ask why you think this? In what way do you believe it's better for their development?

I believe that giving a baby greater control over what they actually eat will lead to a healthier relationship with food later on. I think that if someone was putting food into my mouth by the spoonful I would probably eat more than I actually needed and this could lead to habitually over eating later on. By regulating their own food, they can actually stop when full.

I think that early exploration of food textures, shapes etc (rather than just mush) will lead to being more adventurous (and hopefully less fussy) later on.

Perhaps most importantly I believe that learning to handle larger foods in the mouth, whilst the gag reflex is further forward on the tongue (as it is with babies), could reduce the risk of choking later on.

However upon finishing writing this DH has just popped into the living room to tell me that DD1 has just eaten a whole tin of sweetcorn and then drunk the remaining liquid straight from the tin so what do I know 🤷‍♀️

I completely agree OP I love looking after and nurturing my baby I don't want her to grow up to quickly this time is so precious and it really doesn't last long! Don't feel inadequate your being a wonderfully caring mummy xx

As a mum who happily spoon feeds, co-sleeps and rocks my baby to sleep, it is so annoying hearing these comments because it's like these mums think they're superior.

How ironic, coming from the person who starts a thread to criticise other parents' choices

All fair points.

I can only speak from my own experience which is that spoon feeding worked for us. It was never "mush" except when we did purees at the very beginning. They never ate more than they wanted to. They eat pretty much everything now at 3.5 years old. They have no issues with textures etc.

But I appreciate this isn't the case for all babies.

I thought the trend is too much baby/child centred and with helicopter and snow plow parenting we are having a generation of kids who can do nothing for themselves? On the threads on MN everyone seems to be breastfeeding til 2, not potty training til 3 and co sleeping indefinitely!

The spoon/BLW debate is nonsense: either way, they all end up eating with a spoon, knife and fork just fine. Neither has any benefits for 'development' or any other aspect of their lives. Do as you please. I did BLW, SILs did spoon. The cousins all eat just great a decade later.

Co-sleeping: again, that's down to you and your family. I loved it, we all slept beautifully. Others can't get a wink of sleep that way, or worry it is unsafe.

Crying it out/sleep training: it's not about independence, it's about parents wanting consistent sleep and control. Which I do not feel I can fault, even if that's not my preferred path.

Most people feel their choices are the right ones, and some shout quite aggressively about it. Unless you suspect abuse, leave 'em to it and do what you feel is best. No explanation or apology needed.

There is NOTHING in your original post that makes me feel like these Mums have judged anyone.

If anything, your post is incredibly judgemental..

I think the thing with parenting is that we all think our way is the best or we wouldn't do it that way. I was a co sleeping, contact napping, keep baby close, blw type of mum when mine were small. I thought that that was best for my children or I wouldn't have done it that way. It's pointless getting insulted that other people think that their way is the best when you think that your way is the best too.

Goodness the WHO didn't tell Dd that who snatched chips and chocolate cake off my plate at 5.5 months and wouldn't go near mush.

@Botw1 😂

@LucyWeb1

The thread inspired the comment

How weird you're searching me though

@Botw1 I wondered whether you were just a dick in general 😂