To think we try and encourage babies to be independent too soon?

[graciousgrace]

I just don't understand the obsession with wanting babies to be so independent so early on? I go to quite a few baby groups, and am constantly hearing comments like...

"I don't spoon feed my baby, I've encouraged self feeding from day one."

"My baby sleeps through the night because I didn't respond to their cries when they woke up."

"I don't rock my baby to sleep because they need to learn to put themselves to sleep and self soothe."

"I don't co-sleep because my baby needs to be in their own room in their own cot."

And the most shocking one of all... a mum at a baby group I went to said that her 7 month old baby "will only do a poo on the toilet"! Literally couldn't make it up!

As a mum who happily spoon feeds, co-sleeps and rocks my baby to sleep, it is so annoying hearing these comments because it's like these mums think they're superior. What's wrong with me wanting to treat my baby like a, you know, baby? I mean, great for you if those things work for you, but us mums who do things differently shouldn't be made to feel inadequate or like we're doing things wrong. Babies are only babies for such a short amount of time, so why can't we embrace the time when they actually need us to do things for them? I doubt I'll have a 15 year who still wants to be spoon fed, rocked to sleep and sleep in my bed 😂 does anyone agree or am I just being too sensitive?

i mean it does seem like you are judging them for what they chose to do !

i personally can't stand co sleeping so i wanted my daughters in her own room asap so that's what i did and what works for me

I couldn't care less what any other family chose to do though

Can I ask why you think this? In what way do you believe it's better for their development?

It's about following your own babies developmental cues. Some are content to sit and be fed and others want to get their hands (faces and hair) involved in their meals. Some need constant touch, swaddling and cosleeping others need their own space and can't sleep unless they're on their own.

Helps with fine and gross motor skills as well as the important muscles in the face that are required for speech development. Part of the initial assessment with a SALT is to ask what diet they are on and how soon (if used) they came off purees as they are shit for speech development.

Co-sleeping can be done safely https://llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/

Says co sleeping can be done safely.

Shows picture of completely unsafe co sleeping

@graciousgrace

Sleep training isn't the same as not responding

Interesting. I'm sure it differs between children of course but I spoon fed my 2 oldest until after they turned one, starting with purees for the first few weeks and building up to more lumps etc. Spoon feeding does not mean only giving them super smooth purees.

They don't/didn't have any issues with fine or gross motor skills. Nor do they have any food aversions or issues with textures which I've also heard as reasons to support BLW. In fact they're very very good eaters.

Currently have an 8 month old who is also spoon fed. Supplemented by the tiny crumbs and bits of fluff she expertly extracts from the floor after being dropped by the older 2 😂

@Botw1 doesnt look like the Mother is asleep to me. Looks like she’s watching her baby 🤷‍♀️

The reality is that babies and children are parented according to the prevailing fashion of the day and the latest psychological theories and, short of actual abuse and neglect, the vast majority of us turn out as perfectly normal adults regardless of what theory was followed or what name was given to the method. There’s no official right or wrong way to parent. As a non-parent (with no intention of ever being one) I’m frankly baffled by all the palaver around parenting. Just do what works for you and works for your child, stop worrying about what anyone else might be doing or letting what they might think of what you’re doing worry you.

By the time your kid is an adult nobody’s going to know or care a jot what you called your parenting technique (which will almost certainly have been replaced by something apparently “better” anyway) you used so stop making life so hard for yourself now, cut yourself (and others) some slack, and tell yourself that you’re doing the best thing for you.

@LucyWeb1

Lol

This was my experience of having a child with speech delay. Chewing is strongly encouraged as something to assist in younger children.

You'll be surprised how many children live off fruit pouches and yogurts for a long time.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was thinking the same thing!

I saw a company advertising a next to me cot the other day, complete with cuddly toys.

I definitely wouldn't have them on super smooth stuff any longer than the initial few weeks. But baby led weaning just wasn't/isn't for us. They still very much had to chew when being spoon fed by me. I do find that a lot of people think that spoon feeding means only purees which can be frustrating.

Incidentally, they did also have speech delays but that was due to prematurity/covid.

@IrregularChoiceFan

Plus the smug dads smug fave is making me want to punch him

🤣🤣

That's why I'm firmly in the camp of "you do you" and follow the cues of your own child. I have more than one child and I've raised them all according to different parenting styles because that's what has suited their individual personalities

Ah honestly doesn't it just! Look at me with my undisturbed sleep and still get to cuddle my wife all through the night.

I would be like dude, get the fuck off me. I don't need this many people attached to me whilst I sleep! Hahaha

Surely most parents spoon feed the sloppy stuff and then give babies finger foods like toast or banana to hold.

Bizarrely the WHO doesn't advise babies moving on to normal food until a year. They advise a gradual progression from puree to food over 6 months or so.

Not mine - I was all about the baby led weaning, and she was all about having puree stuffed into her face at speed. Same way I was anti-dummies, until she was 3 weeks old and no-one had slept (and she never took the wretched thing in the end). Plus I was anti-bed sharing, until my son was born and refused to sleep away from me. He's now 9, and still crawls in on occasion. I'm always surprised when people talk about parenting decisions with regards to babies - I'm pretty sure the babies lay down the law in most cases! Just because someone's parenting "choices" align with their babies demands or needs doesn't mean they are in any kind of control!

@IrregularChoiceFan@Botw1 the Dad is definitely smug 😂 he’s definitely getting his 8 hours!

I agree with this.

I actually did do baby led weaning and now at just shy of 3, I pass him his dinner and immediately get 'no mummy, you feed me!' So all that proud, oh look how amazing my baby is feeding themselves and using a knife and fork was really premature. The little bugger can do it, but he's fooking lazy 🤣

From what I've heard, there are some huge baby led weaning fans who just let their babies go for it, sloppy food and all. It's not for me though. I just can't. Mine were occasionally given a biscuit or bit of banana like you say but most of their eating was nicely popped in by spoon 😂 They preferred it anyway. They just wanted to eat and faffing about putting their hands or clumsily poking spoons into bowls and dropping the food everywhere while they tried to get it in their mouths just made them quite angry.

With what appears to be a 3 year old

Same with DD @threelittlescones she was HUNGRY and couldn’t get the food in her mouth, it made her furious!

As long as you’re not hurting anyone- do what you want. When kids are grown up you’ll not be able to tell which we’re spoon fed, which were left to cry it out etc
men do not have these convos, they don’t make each other feel this guilt. Let’s stop doing it to each other