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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job and one car who do you think should have it?

226 replies

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:27

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 12:29

I think you should get the train. Zero point in the car being sat outside your work all day when it’s only 40 mins

Menopants · 21/04/2023 12:29

You should have it

MelchiorsMistress · 21/04/2023 12:29

Can’t you share? So one week he gets the car three days and the next week you get the car for three days. That way every week you both your preference. I don’t see why this has to be an all or nothing situation.

ktitten · 21/04/2023 12:30

Why not share the car? You have it Mon, Wed, Fri and he has it Tue, Thur so he's not "stuck" in the house all week and you know you only have 2 longer days? He can plan to do stuff like shopping etc on the days he has the car.

dizzydizzydizzy · 21/04/2023 12:30

Yeah. You should have the car, OP. Surely there are places he can go to on foot or by public transport?

SoupDragon · 21/04/2023 12:30

If you can't decide, one person has it 3 days a week and the other 2 days then switch the week after.

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 12:31

No public transport? Can he not get a bike with child seat?

Of course you should have the car

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 21/04/2023 12:33

How old are the kids? Is it too much faff to drop you off and pick you up?

Seeline · 21/04/2023 12:33

How old is DS?

Do the other DC have after-school clubs to get to etc?

Who is responsible for doing the shopping, getting stuff for the kids, etc?

I have to say, when I was a SAHM, I would have been very annoyed if DH had taken the car every day and left it sitting idle for the cast majority of the day.

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 12:33

Can anyone cycle anywhere?

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:34

@CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop kids are 4&6 yeah would be to much up and down.

I suppose we could share

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/04/2023 12:34

I would do day about or something. It's not all or nothing for you both.

Georgieporgie29 · 21/04/2023 12:35

is It a company car?

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:35

I will still be doing all the food shops and it’s not for long term it’s only until I complete my training.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/04/2023 12:35

I agree as I've just come off maternity leave and have the kids myself on a Friday that is is super handy to have the car.
Would you want to be left without a car having then all day every day?

SunshineAndFizz · 21/04/2023 12:37

Share it. I don't think you're entitled to it full time.

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:38

No I wouldn’t but then again I don’t mind taking Ubers

OP posts:
Belltentdreamer · 21/04/2023 12:38

It’s a share situation - if your husband arranges something on 1 or 2 days where he needs the car, he gets it. Otherwise it’s yours. Think for the most part the working parent gets first dibs of what days they need it more - meetings etc

TallulahBetty · 21/04/2023 12:38

It's not either or :/ what a strange set up.

Take it in turns!

Scroobydoo · 21/04/2023 12:39

Obviously share it.....

Tarantullah · 21/04/2023 12:39

How long is the training that requires you to be in office? As its a new job and training will probably be pretty draining I think you should have the car at least for some/majority of the week and then when you go hybrid things will be different and can just figure it out when you're in the office. Plenty of people cope without a car with children especially if school is easily walkable.

rwalker · 21/04/2023 12:39

Share
not ideal for ether of u but tbh at the moment dh is making 100% if the compromise

Badbudgeter · 21/04/2023 12:40

How long is your commute without the car? If it’s much more than an hour then you should get first dibs on the car. He could have it one day a week. If it’s less then share the car equally ish.

Jules912 · 21/04/2023 12:43

Share it, being stuck at home with a pre-schooler is brutal. Although if the 4 year old starts school in September that might negate DH's need then. Saying that how much longer is the train? I actually prefer getting the train as it's a chance to relax and the walk from the station helps me fit some exercise in, though in my case it is only 10-15 minutes longer.

Dixiechickonhols · 21/04/2023 12:43

Sharing good compromise. You might find a colleague doing similar to lift share with when you start.
Uber with kids hard as he’d need car seats and then that won’t work if he’s out and about.
Is he on bus route?