New job and one car who do you think should have it?

[Saltandpepperchipss]

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

He needs to grow up.

At the very least I'd be expecting you to have 3/5 days with the car

And I had a car but often got the bus because -

Environmentally friendly
Cheaper than parking
Toddler loved it
More flexible (bus every 5 min but parking has to be paid by the hour)

To be fair I live on a good bus route that's only 10 min into town but still. It wasnt a major hassle like some people are making out

It's absolutely ridiculous to spend extra time and money on commuting for a few weeks when the car is right there. He needs to suck it up. If it was permanent I might think differently but he's being really immature.

My car has just broken down and I've decided not to replace it. My husband will take his car to work and I'll just suck it up doing the school run and working from home in the week and on the weekends he's working I'll just have to make it work with our 2 kids by walking, buses, lifts from friends etc.

So why does he think he is so superior to you? That your place in life is on buses and his is in cars?
He can fuck right off with that attitude.

Was just about to ask the same question, especially as you’re the main breadwinner and only want the car for a short whil. Why does he think he’s superior to you?

When our kids wee younger-we only had one car. DH needed it for work (public transport links were no help) and that was that. I walked and got the bus if I needed to go places.

If that is a massive problem, then share, so he has the car on a couple of set days.

Main breadwinner gets car.

If a) Dad was facing a significantly longer commute without it and b) mum was short walking distance from schools and a short direct bus ride into town? Hate to burst your bubble but they'd say dad gets it unless mum has plans further afield for that day.

What, suppose he/she works from home or around the corner, they still get the car?

Yeah, the only way to do it is based on practicalities. In a situation where there are two parents who'll be out of the house 16 hours a day between them, not much spare money, three kids and no childcare, doing anything other than what works best is a luxury they can't afford. It doesn't matter who earns more, it matters what's workable.

This is why I don't actually think keeping the car is in DHs interests either. It's too impractical. He's going to have to do an awful lot of really annoying stuff in order to pull it off. The thought of punctuating the already challenging deadline of getting 3 under 6s out of the door before 9am with what must be at least a 10 minute drive in the middle is making my teeth itch. The inevitable lateness for work whenever one of the trains or buses is acting up is even worse. The thought of getting on a bus with a 4 year old and baby now and then is positively serene in comparison.

That's not the case here though, is it?

The OP's husband wants her to lose upwards of an hour of her day to commuting just because he's too much of a stuck up twat to take the bus.

So the OP is the main breadwinner AND does the weekly food shopping AND pays for one child to be in nursery so that her husband can, what, loaf around at home minding one child?

Where on earth did she find this prince among men?

Sounds like if they stuck the one year old in nursery and her husband got off his lazy arse and worked more hours he could afford a car for himself.

Obviously you get the car.
He's not 'stuck at home'. He can get the bus and walk to things locally. He's so up himself he won't use public transport? Not sexy that sort of ineptitude.

It's interesting how the responses have changed over the course of the thread. We have only ever had 1 car, I always drive to work and DH (who doesn't really like driving) has cycled and taken the train to work and now WFH. When I was on maternity leave with each DC he continued taking the train because it was quicker than driving to that place of work but TBH I didn't use the car much, we lived less than a mile from the town centre so it was quicker to put the DC in the buggy or sling and walk into town than get everything into the car then back out again 5 minutes later. Once I had DC3 and DC1 was at school by the time I'd walked DD2 to nursery and DD1 to school (a 2 mile round trip by foot, no bus) in the morning I was quite happy to potter at home all day before doing the same trip again in the afternoon. DS spent a big chunk of his first year in a sling on my back as we walked around town.

I do feel that as it is for a limited period OP should ideally have car daily, mainly because getting DC children ready on time so that you don't miss your train could be stressful all round, and is not a great start for the day for anyone. Are there any car clubs nearby that your DH could use so he would feel less trapped - cheaper than Ubers ?

I can’t believe he won’t get a bus or walk about to somethings.

why don’t you try a car sharing and he gets the car on the days he isn’t at work so it doesn’t matter your back late and see how it goes.

means amore awkward and longer day for him if he has to get the kids ready for 7:30 to drop you and then has them longer before you get back.

you can read a book on the train

he Might even change his mind

Go halves?

Actuallly, you're both being idiots really. Neither of you are prepared to do anything other than car, train or taxi - that's just silly and environmentally irresponsible. Why NOT get on a bus? What's wrong with them?

Have a family day out. Be adventurous and get on a bus, see where it goes, look out of the windows, you might see bits of your area you've never seen before. When you get to the end of the route, get on another bus and see where that takes you. Be brave, buses are really worth using and preserving the services.

He’s being a dick, plus you not having the car is worse for the whole family, can’t he see that? The kids don’t want to be chivvied into the car at 7.30 any more than you want to make your day unnecessarily longer. Plus from what I can see you are working more and I assume he’d still be driving himself to work too?

TBH sounds like a status thing to
me, he thinks as the man of the house he thinks he should get the car. Plus I may have missed it, is there a specific class or activity he’s saying he can’t get to without it? I’d agree about offering a day a week for him to have the car but other than that he needs to get over himself and his immature selfish attitude.

If your situations were reversed, he would assume he was getting the car, and you could take the bus, that is obvious! So actually, he's a twat.

This family could probably be car free during the week but it's not even worth considering

When my kids were little a bus ride was an activity in itself!
Front row on the top deck is amazing.

But it’s ok for you to use public transport every single working day? What an arse.

YANBU

I think you should sell the car. That way neither of you has it and there is no discussion.

Absolutely you should have the car.

40mins is a long enough commute at each end of the day without turning it into an hour long public transport ordeal when he doesn't NEED the car.
Especially given his reason for him not using public transport.