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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job and one car who do you think should have it?

226 replies

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:27

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 21/04/2023 13:43

I don't see why he can't walk or get the bus. If the school is opposite your house you obviously aren't rural. There's probably basic shops and play areas within half an hour's walk?

I would say you have it 3 days he has it 2.

In our house we share a car and most days neither use it but we would negotiate e.g. partner uses it to go to work if it's wet or he's under the weather or doing shopping on the way back. I use it if I want to take the children somewhere special.

We live 30 min walk from local town (playground and newsagent closer) and 6 miles from partner's work. usually we walk or cycle everywhere, or get bus if wet.

Fudgewomble · 21/04/2023 13:44

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:01

All he says is that why should I have to? I’ve had cars all my life I’ve never used public transport ever. Blardy blah

Who is he, chairman of the Margaret Thatcher fan club? [she made a very disdainful comment about men catching buses]

I was open minded about the situation until I read that stupid comment. If he’s too manly and sophisticated to catch public transport, best he gets himself a better job so he can afford another car.

HeidiIou · 21/04/2023 13:45

Share or him. He might need to go out and about whereas you taking it means it will be in a car park all day.

SkyandSurf · 21/04/2023 13:45

Pathetic to be a grown man who won't take public transport.

I was going to suggest sharing but he's being ridiculous

PuttingDownRoots · 21/04/2023 13:46

DH and I used to share. We talked about plans and worked around each other.

Him not taking the bus ever is ridiculous if he is expecting you to use public transport.

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 13:47

Has he thought about getting his own helicopter

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 21/04/2023 13:49

If there is one person in the house working then that person gets the car. End of. If he is too precious to get the bus then he needs to get a job, so that you can afford 2 cars.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 13:50

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 21/04/2023 13:49

If there is one person in the house working then that person gets the car. End of. If he is too precious to get the bus then he needs to get a job, so that you can afford 2 cars.

He has a job. It literally says so in the OP…

purpledotty · 21/04/2023 13:51

I share a car with dh. Have done for 10 years now and we don't even live walking distance to anything. If you're hybrid then on the days you are out the home you get the car. The rest of the week he gets the car? Once you get used to it it's fine,

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:52

@Devoutspoken 🤣🤣🤣

I have just brought it up to him again and same response “ I drive cars not get on buses”

I’m happy to share but don’t think that will happen.

OP posts:
TooOldForThisNonsense · 21/04/2023 13:52

I don’t think either of you are U, but sharing is the better option.

can he not go places on public transport? I loathe buses but needs must sometimes.

Climbles · 21/04/2023 13:53

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:01

All he says is that why should I have to? I’ve had cars all my life I’ve never used public transport ever. Blardy blah

Why should you have to use public transport then? You should have the car but to as a show of good will I’d say 4 days and get the train 1 day.

AnotherEmma · 21/04/2023 13:53

I think you should use the car to begin with while you have to be at work every day for your training. Starting a new job is exhausting.

School runs can be done by foot, your DH will
only have the 4yo during the day, and will have the whole (school) day to get around, he can walk, use bus or train (which 4yos love doing), get a lift with his brother or take a taxi. Bike is also an option - where I live there's a cargo bike hire scheme so maybe he could try and find something like that if he wants. Electric cargo bikes are practical and fun.

After you've finished your training and can WFH sometimes, your DH can have the car on those days.

kitsuneghost · 21/04/2023 13:54

He drives you to work and collects you?
My OH does this if my car is in the garage for any reason

ImSoShiney · 21/04/2023 13:54

What's the point in paying train fares when you've got a car you already pay. Why can't he walk places.

ModestMoon · 21/04/2023 13:54

But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

Ok, this makes a huge difference. I agree with share. He should choose 2 or 3 days he wants it, preferably days you have lighter work days, and you get it the rest of the time.

MusicansMum · 21/04/2023 13:55

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:01

All he says is that why should I have to? I’ve had cars all my life I’ve never used public transport ever. Blardy blah

And yet he wants you to use public transport when you're the only one working? No way.

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 13:55

Cos he's a lazy entitled stampy foot man child

whatnowitsoverseekingadvice · 21/04/2023 13:55

What will happen when you come home from work OP and he leaves for work? Will he take the car leaving you at home with the DC and having to get public transport if you need to go anywhere?

Hardbackwriter · 21/04/2023 13:56

If you're really skint then surely the answer is that you get to work however is cheapest - this will almost certainly be driving, but you need to work it out. I'd also rule out the sharing idea on financial grounds - driving a couple of days and buying train and bus tickets the other days is particularly inefficient cost wise as you can't buy weekly tickets.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 21/04/2023 13:56

Oh just seen his comments about public transport. What a dick.

so I guess he takes the car for work, so you’re stuck in on evenings or have to get alternatives?

ImSoShiney · 21/04/2023 13:56

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:52

@Devoutspoken 🤣🤣🤣

I have just brought it up to him again and same response “ I drive cars not get on buses”

I’m happy to share but don’t think that will happen.

Why won't it? Just get up and go to work in the car 😂 he won't need to leave until 8.55 anyway 😂

Babysharkdoodoodood · 21/04/2023 13:56

Whose car is it?

AnotherEmma · 21/04/2023 13:57

AnotherEmma · 21/04/2023 13:53

I think you should use the car to begin with while you have to be at work every day for your training. Starting a new job is exhausting.

School runs can be done by foot, your DH will
only have the 4yo during the day, and will have the whole (school) day to get around, he can walk, use bus or train (which 4yos love doing), get a lift with his brother or take a taxi. Bike is also an option - where I live there's a cargo bike hire scheme so maybe he could try and find something like that if he wants. Electric cargo bikes are practical and fun.

After you've finished your training and can WFH sometimes, your DH can have the car on those days.

Sorry I don't know where i got 4yo from, must have got confused with another post. Just read your other post when you said he'll just have a 1yo during the day.

Based on your updates and the fact that he flat out refuses to take a bus, he's a dickhead, he is being unreasonable.

Does he do paid work? Night shifts or something? Sounds as if he has a problem with you getting this new job, and he wants to make it difficult for you.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 21/04/2023 13:57

Can he drive you to and from the train/bus station to cut your commute a bit?

When I was growing up we only had one car and often we would have to drop off and pick up my Dad so Mum could use the car. They used to agree based upon plans and kids activities who had the car.