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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job and one car who do you think should have it?

226 replies

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:27

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 21/04/2023 13:13

Seeline · 21/04/2023 13:09

I wonder what the responses would be if it was Dad taking the car leaving mum at home with 3 kids.....

Exactly this!!

SleepingStandingUp · 21/04/2023 13:13

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:57

No train is 45 minutes not the wait for the bus.

We have a bus stop outside the kids school which goes straight into town. But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

See he'd be reasonable if you lived super rural, but he's just being a big baby.

Little one is 1. In a buggy, walk or bus.

Sorry but he's being ridiculous and selfish.

He'd rather drag the kids out early to drop you off and then have less overlap time together than use a bus.

Bluebells1970 · 21/04/2023 13:14

Does he use the car when he goes to work?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/04/2023 13:15

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 12:46

This is why we need 15 min cities.

Not having a car shouldn't trap able-bodied people in the house

It isn't taking him in the house, he's refusing to leave it. Big difference.

Scottishskifun · 21/04/2023 13:16

In your situation I would share you have it 3 days one week him 2 that week then swap the next week. His stance on public transport is ridiculous though and will probably find he might change if going around the bend!

Outnumbered99 · 21/04/2023 13:16

I was all for sharing it, until his "why should i have to" twattish behaviour. You get the car, hes a knob.

LolaSmiles · 21/04/2023 13:16

I wonder what the responses would be if it was Dad taking the car leaving mum at home with 3 kids.....
With the school over the road, perfectly acceptable public transport, only having a 1 year old at home for most of the day: probably exactly the same. They'd be told to share it or use public transport.

I'd imagine the responses on this thread would have been different if it was 3 pre-school aged children, or there was no option of public transport. But that's not the OP's circumstances.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/04/2023 13:16

Seeline · 21/04/2023 13:09

I wonder what the responses would be if it was Dad taking the car leaving mum at home with 3 kids.....

As a SAHP to three kids...

The same

I'd prefer DH too the car and I didn't have to drag the kids out earlier to facilitate his commute, and then have them later alone for his longer commute back. What if the train is cancelled? He won't be getting to work will he?

Perfectly capable of r walking out using a bus.

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 13:17

Seeline · 21/04/2023 13:09

I wonder what the responses would be if it was Dad taking the car leaving mum at home with 3 kids.....

He’s not ‘at home with 3 kids’ though. He’s at home in school hours with 1 kid, next to a bus stop, with access to Uber, with family nearby with a car. Then he’s not ferrying the kids places after school as he’s getting ready to go out to work.

He refuses to use public transport but is happy with his partner doing it, even though it’ll add 2 hours to her day and he’ll have to change his work arrangements. Just because he won’t get a bus with a baby.

LittleRedYarny · 21/04/2023 13:18

From your posts I understand your DH goes to work after you come home and you take over looking after the DC.

What would happen if you were delayed or stuck on a train/bus? What would be the situation with him leaving for work?

(Equally you could get stuck in mega traffic and the same situation occur with you not being home in time)

Dixiechickonhols · 21/04/2023 13:19

SleepingStandingUp · 21/04/2023 13:16

As a SAHP to three kids...

The same

I'd prefer DH too the car and I didn't have to drag the kids out earlier to facilitate his commute, and then have them later alone for his longer commute back. What if the train is cancelled? He won't be getting to work will he?

Perfectly capable of r walking out using a bus.

Show quote history

Good point about train being unreliable. I used to use train but often it didn’t run or terminated part way and dh had to collect in car or I was really late.

CornishGem1975 · 21/04/2023 13:19

The refusal to use public transport was a bit of a drip feed.

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 13:20

Scottishskifun · 21/04/2023 13:16

In your situation I would share you have it 3 days one week him 2 that week then swap the next week. His stance on public transport is ridiculous though and will probably find he might change if going around the bend!

He doesn't need the car

Trickedbyadoughnut · 21/04/2023 13:22

Surely his penis privilege means he shouldn't have to get the bus? 🙄

How long is your initial training? Like four to six weeks or months? If the former, I would definitely say you should get the car and he can use the ruddy bus like a normal person.

I can't believe he'd rather get the kids up early and change his hours at work than use public transport.

If I dial back my annoyance at your DH's attitude, I could come up with a possible compromise of bike with bike seat? We got an electric one second hand for 200 pounds, so less than a car but still a lot of money.

Whichnumbers · 21/04/2023 13:24

why should you get to park the car in the car park all day whilst your dp doesn't get a look in - bit selfish when you can get the train

Gymmum82 · 21/04/2023 13:25

You get the car. Little kids love getting the bus if they don’t do it often. We had to over the Easter hols and I swear it was the highlight of their week

Bunnywabbity · 21/04/2023 13:27

I'm flabbergasted that he won't use taxis or public transport, but is completely happy for you to have a long commute on public transport.

suzyscat · 21/04/2023 13:28

I think you should get the car so your kids don't grow entitled like your partner.

Tealsofa · 21/04/2023 13:29

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:57

No train is 45 minutes not the wait for the bus.

We have a bus stop outside the kids school which goes straight into town. But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

but expects you to?

fuck off with that attitude

JustMarriedBecca · 21/04/2023 13:31

We have one car. I am working from home all day. My husband has it 3 days, I have two shorter days when the kids have clubs and I act as a taxi service.
He's being an arse if he won't make your working day shorter because he "might need it".

Reugny · 21/04/2023 13:31

Due to his refusal to use public transport then you need the car especially at the end of the week and when it is cold.

He clearly doesn't know that cheap entertainment for a young child is sitting them on public transport.

RobertsRadio · 21/04/2023 13:33

"We have a bus stop outside the kids school which goes straight into town. But he refuses to use any form of public transport."

I was going to suggest maybe share the car, but after reading this, I've changed my mind and would tell him to get off his high horse and use the bus.

BTW does he expect to use the car every day when he goes to his job?

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 13:34

Plenty of people manage to raise a family without a car, and you can get your shopping delivered but his refusal to use public transport is fucked up, selfish and entitled

museumum · 21/04/2023 13:38

If this were me and dh we’d share the car because it’s nice to take a wee one to the beach or woods where no buses go once or twice a week.
But your dh is just being stubborn about buses into town. Bus is a great adventure for a toddler.

LeafHunter · 21/04/2023 13:42

I’d share it- one week each.