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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job and one car who do you think should have it?

226 replies

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:27

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:44

If I got the train he would have to drop me about 7:30 then train is 45 minutes wait for a bus then 10 minutes on the bus. It isn’t the worst journey but it’s just a super long day. Kids would have to be up earlier and be dressed ready to drop me at the train station for 7:30.

It’s not ideal and I wouldn’t take this job if it wasn’t such a a good opportunity l.

OP posts:
DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 12:46

This is why we need 15 min cities.

Not having a car shouldn't trap able-bodied people in the house

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:46

DS is at school and DD is at full time nursery so he won’t pick them up until 3. So during the day he is at home with 1 year old DC so if he wanted to pop to town and back he would only have 1 year old dc with him.

OP posts:
DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 12:47

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:46

DS is at school and DD is at full time nursery so he won’t pick them up until 3. So during the day he is at home with 1 year old DC so if he wanted to pop to town and back he would only have 1 year old dc with him.

Bike with child seat

hedwigismyowl · 21/04/2023 12:50

You get the car. Commute at 45mins is long enough. Gone are the days where I'd accept a commute longer than that. I used to do 1.5hours each way in the past but I'm too old/ too tired to do that now.

Ponoka7 · 21/04/2023 12:51

You haven't answered if he can get anywhere by public transport, or is there anything within walking distance. Where I live is a deprived area and most people don't have cars. These are the working poor. Poor rural people cycle.

Badbudgeter · 21/04/2023 12:53

45 minutes wait for a bus is ridiculous tbh. Bike and child seat or trailer would be my suggestion. I think logistically it’ll be an utter pita getting everyone up/dressed and ready early.

If that’s the route you go down make sure he does his share so that you also can get ready.

CornishGem1975 · 21/04/2023 12:55

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 12:29

I think you should get the train. Zero point in the car being sat outside your work all day when it’s only 40 mins

Agree with this. If it's just for a commute rather than needing it during the day, then you could get the train.

CornishGem1975 · 21/04/2023 12:56

Why wait 45 minutes for a 10 minute bus ride. You could walk it in that time...

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:57

No train is 45 minutes not the wait for the bus.

We have a bus stop outside the kids school which goes straight into town. But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 21/04/2023 12:58

The worker gets the car. Its stupid to have a longer commute than necessary, especially when you have children you are missing out on. Its stupid to rely on unreliable trains and buses when you don't have to. Its stupid to get 3 children dressed and in the car at 7.30am every day for years just to drive you to the station.

Many many many SAHM don't have cars when their partner works and they manage perfectly fine so why does your SAHF expect it to be different. Is it because he's a man so his needs trump yours?

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 12:58

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:57

No train is 45 minutes not the wait for the bus.

We have a bus stop outside the kids school which goes straight into town. But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

Why? What's wrong with him?

I'd have burst out laughing at that

Pixiedust1234 · 21/04/2023 12:59

But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

I missed that. Why?

Dixiechickonhols · 21/04/2023 13:00

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:57

No train is 45 minutes not the wait for the bus.

We have a bus stop outside the kids school which goes straight into town. But he refuses to use any form of public transport.

Why? Buses are cheap at minute too under gov subsidy.

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 13:01

You definitely get the car.

End of discussion.

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:01

All he says is that why should I have to? I’ve had cars all my life I’ve never used public transport ever. Blardy blah

OP posts:
BellaJuno · 21/04/2023 13:01

I’d share it, you get it half the time and him the other half. I’d hate to rely on public transport knowing a family car was sat outside an office 5 days a week.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 21/04/2023 13:02

it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

Is he able / willing to change his hours or is this all theoretical?

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 13:04

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:01

All he says is that why should I have to? I’ve had cars all my life I’ve never used public transport ever. Blardy blah

Well it will be a whole new adventure for him, won't it?! Grin

Honestly, what a silly little wimp he is. This honestly wouldn't be up for discussion in my house.

Laugh at his silly joke, get in the car and go to work.

CaptainSeven · 21/04/2023 13:05

In our house when DC were small whoever had the kids had the car but we had a longer commute to childcare and then into work.

At home with school over the road? Definitely share.

Sharing is the most practical and fair solution. Over 10 days (2 x Mon-Fri) you should have it 5 days each and negotiate on which days.

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 13:07

He sounds like a dick. He’s got options, he just doesn’t like them.

On the other hand, can’t you get an Uber to the train station in the morning if needed?

You have the car the majority of the time whilst you’re training, then when it’s hybrid you’ll share. I’d put my foot down I reckon.

Fandabedodgy · 21/04/2023 13:08

You should have the car

tescocreditcard · 21/04/2023 13:08

Share - do a car share with a colleague, one week each.

Or your DH can drop you off and work and pick you up then he can have the car.

Seeline · 21/04/2023 13:09

I wonder what the responses would be if it was Dad taking the car leaving mum at home with 3 kids.....

Flavabobble · 21/04/2023 13:09

Only had one car when the kids were young, if I wanted it I took him to work and picked him up.
Is he going to be using public transport to get to work on the off chance you might want to drive somewhere?