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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job and one car who do you think should have it?

226 replies

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:27

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

OP posts:
Tealsofa · 21/04/2023 13:57

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:52

@Devoutspoken 🤣🤣🤣

I have just brought it up to him again and same response “ I drive cars not get on buses”

I’m happy to share but don’t think that will happen.

but he expects you to.....?

MusicansMum · 21/04/2023 13:57

So he will have the car all day and then use it in the evenings too?

ImSoShiney · 21/04/2023 13:58

I bet he calls all us non drivers "bus wankers" and calls busses "peasant wagons"

Sounds like a right snob.

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 13:59

Babyshark, doesn't matter whose car it is, they are a family

Tarantullah · 21/04/2023 13:59

Him not taking the bus ever is ridiculous if he is expecting you to use public transport.

Quite. The crux is you have to get to work, he might or might not use the car in the day and if he wants to go out there's a viable option readily available that he's just choosing not to do whilst you then have to spend ages waiting around for public transport. Does he drive to work in the evenings?

Dishwashersaurous · 21/04/2023 13:59

I'd let him have the car one day a week so that he can do the food shop during the day.

And then he has a choice, walk, bus or stay at home

Mortimercat · 21/04/2023 14:01

You need to work something out, but it is definitely not fair that you get the car the whole time. We used to only have one car and I was home based whilst DH commuted.

If he had taken the car, I would have literally been trapped in the house all day every day, because there is no bus service here and literally nothing in walking distance, not even a shop.

I don’t think DH would have ever thought it was ok for me to trapped in the house all day, I cannot believe you would do that. DH and I shared the car, so yes some days I was trapped but I planned to do things around the house or garden those days and went out on other days.

AnotherEmma · 21/04/2023 14:02

Mortimercat · 21/04/2023 14:01

You need to work something out, but it is definitely not fair that you get the car the whole time. We used to only have one car and I was home based whilst DH commuted.

If he had taken the car, I would have literally been trapped in the house all day every day, because there is no bus service here and literally nothing in walking distance, not even a shop.

I don’t think DH would have ever thought it was ok for me to trapped in the house all day, I cannot believe you would do that. DH and I shared the car, so yes some days I was trapped but I planned to do things around the house or garden those days and went out on other days.

Do you struggle with reading comprehension?
There is a bus service. Very different situation.

SkyandSurf · 21/04/2023 14:02

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:52

@Devoutspoken 🤣🤣🤣

I have just brought it up to him again and same response “ I drive cars not get on buses”

I’m happy to share but don’t think that will happen.

Talk about champagne taste on a beer budget.

😂

Does declaring things out loud like that make luxuries appear? Shall we all try it?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2023 14:04

His attitude is shit but equally it's a family care and should be shared between you. I don't think it's fair that you get it five days a week and he can't use it at all.

How far is the station from your house? Could you drive there and then he collects the car later on?

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 14:05

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:52

@Devoutspoken 🤣🤣🤣

I have just brought it up to him again and same response “ I drive cars not get on buses”

I’m happy to share but don’t think that will happen.

Sucks to be him then, eh? Seeing as he won’t have a car to drive because you’ll be taking it to work. Leave him to it. What a baby.

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 14:05

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2023 14:04

His attitude is shit but equally it's a family care and should be shared between you. I don't think it's fair that you get it five days a week and he can't use it at all.

How far is the station from your house? Could you drive there and then he collects the car later on?

He doesn't need it tho.

ImSoShiney · 21/04/2023 14:06

SkyandSurf · 21/04/2023 14:02

Talk about champagne taste on a beer budget.

😂

Does declaring things out loud like that make luxuries appear? Shall we all try it?

Show quote history

I just declared out loud that I have a tray of 12 fancy donuts but they haven't arrived yet. I'll keep you posted 🤣

SpeckledlyHen · 21/04/2023 14:07

Surely the training won't last that long? You haven't said how long this situation will be for I don't think? Are we talking a few weeks or a few months?

Itwasnaeme · 21/04/2023 14:07

We have two cars - I would personally hate to be careless on my days off but I do a lot of stuff for the family on those days including shopping that benefits them all. In his shoes I'd like to know I had say two days week with the car, and I'd drive you to the station to facilitate that

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 21/04/2023 14:07

Could you not take a bike on the train and cycle the last stretch to work? Also you could cycle to the station which takes the need for DH to get the kids up early to get you to the station

OrthopaedicShoesPlz · 21/04/2023 14:07

Fine - he gets car, but he also takes over food shop.

But also if he won't share he's an absolute twat, so you still have that to deal with.

Itwasnaeme · 21/04/2023 14:07

Carless, not careless!

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 14:09

There are other ways to live that do not involve driving kids everywhere

DuesExMachina · 21/04/2023 14:11

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 14:09

There are other ways to live that do not involve driving kids everywhere

Not on MN- life without a car isn't worth living apparently

BarbaraofSeville · 21/04/2023 14:11

Fucking hell, he's a peach isn't he.

He wants you to use public transport, no doubtedly significantly extending your working day, so he doesn't have to use the bus if he wants to go out anywhere while he's at home with DC?

You've offered to share, which is more than generous, especially seeing as it's you who's doing the food shopping on the way home. Why can't he do it in the daytime when it's quiet and availability in the shops is better?

Do not give in to his selfishness OP, stand your ground. You take the car, maybe agree one day on the bus, but without a car, it's only his own bloodymindedness that's keeping him 'stuck in the house all day'.

Radiatorvalves · 21/04/2023 14:13

Is a bike an option for you OP? I have a 10 min walk to bus, 10 min bus. Then a wait for train (usually 5-10) then a 20 min train.

or a 30 minute bike ride. I usually cycle. And I’m in my 50s. Husband is the same (it’s an hour for him though). We have one car but don’t use it for commute.

wombat1a · 21/04/2023 14:13

Get a motorbike for you, you don't need a car, you're just one person travelling and a motorbike will be far more fun.

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 14:13

If he hates buses, bicycles probably make him spontaneously combust

Springingintosummer · 21/04/2023 14:15

Whose car is it? Are all finances joint? Does he earn money?

if You are “skint” then which is cheapest? Your train/commute or him using buses and public transport? If you are truly skint as a family, what is the quickest way for your family to have a savings buffer?