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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you could choose your baby’s sex for free, would you?

192 replies

Lelophants · 20/04/2023 20:45

Interesting discussion with a friend earlier. She knows two people who flew to USA to do ivf and select their preferred sex of baby (both boys - they had girls already). Clearly they were also v wealthy.

If it was completely free for anyone to do ivf and choose your baby’s sex, would you do it?

YABU - I would never do it
YANBU - ooh I would do this

OP posts:

lauryloo · 25/04/2023 21:40

I have 3 children

My first child was a boy, 2nd a girl with a rare chromosome disorder and a severe learning disability. I thought I'd wanted a daughter when finding out what my 3rd baby was going to be. I had a 2nd boy, and I'm glad as it means my daughter is even more special. I do wonder if I'd chosen if I'd have chosen a girl, I probably would, but I don't think it would have been a good choice.

Johnisafckface · 25/04/2023 22:27

I would, I always wanted one of each so I would have done it if it was an option.

MaryShelley1818 · 26/04/2023 05:36

If there was just a magic button to press then yes, I would have chose.
I really wanted one of each though and luckily that's what I got. Just to be able to experience having a son and having a daughter.

AllOfThemWitches · 26/04/2023 08:20

I completely understand gender preference, its a genuine thing and doesn't mean people are ungrateful, telling people they should be ashamed or are being ridiculous is the same as telling someone with mental health to get it together.

Nah, you have no business getting pregnant if you're going to be so disappointed with one sex that you need to take time off work ffs.

WazzleEuuu · 26/04/2023 08:38

If youd of asked me whilst I was pregnant I would of 100% turned DS into a DG 🤣🤣

Now he's here, I'm so glad we dont have that option and I'm so glad I have 1 of each.

I grew up in a girl only family, no brothers, no boy cousins, no uncles ect, absent dad. Having a biy seemed like such a foreign concept.

He brings so much joy to my life, I'm glad we dont get to pick because he wouldnt be here and I'd never know how much fun it is to have a son

IAmTheWalrus85 · 26/04/2023 09:16

Absolutely not. If everyone did it I expect it would have quite serious consequences for the human race.

Nordicrain · 26/04/2023 09:27

No, I wouldn't. If i had a number of one sex and wanted the other then yes. I might have felt different before having my kids too - if I was honest with myself I would rather than had girls (which I had with my first and hoped for for my second too). However DC2 turned out to be a boy and is amazing so now if I was - very theoretically - to have a third I genuinely wouldn't have a preference.

SnapDragon5 · 26/04/2023 09:34

No I wouldn't.

And just to clarify - it's not normal in IVF to get to choose the sex of the baby.

The vast vast majority of clinics do not allow this, or if they do it's for specific medical reasons, e.g. a risk of a genetic disorder affecting one sex more than the other - so they MAY choose the least risky.

It's not just 'I fancy a boy/ girl'.

The clinics OP is referring to are rare and extremely expensive.

I do think it's unethical that anyone has this choice just because they feel like it.

unique78 · 26/04/2023 09:39

If sex selection was easy and free, I think there would be about 10 girls to every one boy born. For that reason alone, I think it's a very bad idea.

Some may disagree!

phoenixrosehere · 26/04/2023 09:45

AllOfThemWitches · 26/04/2023 08:20

Nah, you have no business getting pregnant if you're going to be so disappointed with one sex that you need to take time off work ffs.

From the stories I’ve read, many women and parents didn’t realise they had such a strong preference to begin with until they were told. I’m not going to judge anyone for feelings they didn’t expect to have or realise how strong they were. There are usually reasons behind a strong preference, many caused by childhood traumas and/or societal norms. All that matters in the end is that parents sort their feelings and love and care for their children.

TallulahBetty · 26/04/2023 10:47

I wouldn't go through IVF for it (and what a waste of resources that would be anyway), but if I could wave a wand and guarantee getting a specific sex via the traditional route, I would

TallulahBetty · 26/04/2023 10:48

unique78 · 26/04/2023 09:39

If sex selection was easy and free, I think there would be about 10 girls to every one boy born. For that reason alone, I think it's a very bad idea.

Some may disagree!

In this country maybe. In others, it would often be the other way around

Peppadog · 26/04/2023 14:33

unique78 · 26/04/2023 09:39

If sex selection was easy and free, I think there would be about 10 girls to every one boy born. For that reason alone, I think it's a very bad idea.

Some may disagree!

Do you really think so? The majority of men I know would want at least one boy. It's not just women that get to choose. I think Mumsnet and other female sites give a very biased view due to being mostly women.

ParentsTrapped · 26/04/2023 14:36

No way. I love that it is one of life’s few surprises. I really really don’t understand people who have a preference.

Whoknewwhat · 26/04/2023 14:42

I would have, but it would have been a mistake. I adore my eldest son.

quietnightmare · 26/04/2023 14:51

Before I had children I would 100 percent have said yes

Now I have a child and can't seem to get pregnant anymore I'd give anything for either so now 100 percent no

yoga4meinthemorning · 26/04/2023 15:36

many would end up single for life

Maybe a few less murdered by their male partners then.

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