If you could choose your baby’s sex for free, would you?

[Lelophants]

Interesting discussion with a friend earlier. She knows two people who flew to USA to do ivf and select their preferred sex of baby (both boys - they had girls already). Clearly they were also v wealthy.

If it was completely free for anyone to do ivf and choose your baby’s sex, would you do it?

YABU - I would never do it
YANBU - ooh I would do this

I wouldn’t say that’s nationwide. Mumsnet attracts women and feminists especially.

In real life most people I know still wanted boys.

More or less every single female friend I have, had a preference for having a girl. I only know one woman who wanted a boy for her third. This was after almost having a nervous breakdown when she found out her second was a boy. Once she had him she adored him and wanted another boy! I know so many mums of girls and these are genuine quotes from some women I know: "When the sonographer told me it was a girl I cried with relief.", "I'm so relieved I have 3 girls and not three boys. Thank God!", "I'm going to keep having babies until I get my girl." "Little girls are so much better than boys". One colleague of mine had to take 2 months off work as she was so distressed about having a boy!! Of course it's fine to have a preference but these comments annoy me and I find it rather rude that they say these things to me - as I'm a mother of a wonderful son!

I do think most women in this country would prefer a girl. Obviously once they have their boys they love them. I'm not speaking for me personally by the way.

Absolutely not.

be thankful for what you’re getting.

I have 3 girls, all a surprise at birth so never found out the gender.

If i was to have a 4th and if i could choose then id choose another girl.

BUT i would never find out the gender and would be absolutely delighted for a healthy baby boy.

I completely understand gender preference, its a genuine thing and doesn't mean people are ungrateful, telling people they should be ashamed or are being ridiculous is the same as telling someone with mental health to get it together.

I know a few people that had severe gender disappointment but when baby was born that all disapeared.

If i had my way....i would not allow anyone to find out the gender until birth.

I did hope for at least one girl, but I didn't really mind what I had and liked the randomness of it so it would be a no for me.

Don't forget for every woman that wants a girl there is usually a man that wants a boy. It seems to be quite natural to want a child that is more likely to share your interests.
Of course in reality it rarely plays out that way and actually the best relationships are when an adult sees their child as a human being rather than a gender and gets to know them and their interests. It's usually personality driven who gets on best with who.
My closest friend is a woman and is desperate for boys, so it's not always the case that women want girls, maybe the ones that are girlie and are only friends with other women.
My closest friendship groups have always been through sport or uni and are mixed sex, so the women tend to value male friendships and therefore are just as keen to have boys as girls.

Yes. I'd have had another if I could have guaranteed a girl.

But stopped as I couldn't.

That's so sad

I just thought that as well

If i have a child, i 100% favour having a boy, but would love either sex equally.
I don't agree with IVF, so no i wouldn't have it at all, not even as a way to ensure i had a boy.

A sons a son until he gets a wife, a daughter's a daughter for life.

There's a reason this ^ is a phrase.

Is the reason "because people are idiots"?

Thankfully IVF exists and I have the girl and boy I wouldn't have had because I would still be dealing with the infertility.

I think this phrase is total sexist nonsense, but it is more likely to come true if you believe it.
I do see lots of mums of boys taking no interest in their sons interests and in those cases I can imagine it might work out that way.
My auntie has two sons who she sees most weeks who literally dote on her. My DH has two brothers and a sister. The sister lives over the other side of the world and sees her parents once a year, one son lives down the road and the other son visits every holiday. My brother sees my mum every week.
This is a phrase I've heard many a time but not something Ive witnessed hardly at all in real life. if anything the most complicated and often toxic relationships have often been mother daughter

🤣

It depends on your social group.

@SallyWD you’re thinking of white middle class women. That is not a lot of the population.

Can I just ask how you know my friends are white, middle class women? Some are, some aren't.

I had a strong preference for the sex of dc, but no I wouldn't have wanted to make the choice. Some things are best left to nature and fate.

For everyone saying no as IVF is invasive etc, I've gone through IVF. You cannot find out / choose the sex in this country via IVF so I don't know why everybody is saying no, because they don't want to go through IVF?

But in answer to your question OP, no. I found out with DD and we're planning to try for DC2 and we fancy a surprise this time. We found out once, and would like to experience a surprise for the 2nd and final pregnancy.

There are no current options for sex selection in this country.

I have one of each, and I feel incredibly lucky to have two healthy kids. But I might be slightly more tempted to have a 3rd if I knew it would be a girl, because my sister is my best friend. I’m very happy I can’t do this though.

Why? (Asking about morals with IVF)

Apparently anybody undergoing IVF for any reason in the USA is asked whether they would like a boy, girl or surprise, as standard.

no idea if that’s actually true, I remember a lady saying it on a gender disappointment documentary years ago

Nature didn't intend on me being infertile. Chemotherapy destroyed my insides. I did IVF and I'm a mum to a healthy 2 year old daughter and planning on number 2 soon.

Your comment is disgusting. It's nothing to do with nature. Drugs saved my life, but destroyed my ability to create life. So I had IVF. DD is genetically ours. She was just fertilised outside the womb. Don't be so close minded.