Page 6 | If you could choose your baby’s sex for free, would you?

Lelophants · 2023-04-20T19:45:41+00:00

Interesting discussion with a friend earlier. She knows two people who flew to USA to do ivf and select their preferred sex of baby (both boys - they had girls already). Clearly they were also v wealthy. If it was completely free for anyone to do ivf and choose your baby’s sex, would you do it? YABU - I would never do it YANBU - ooh I would do this

AllOfThemWitches · 21/04/2023 15:09

Women want girls so they can live vicariously through them, no matter how much they try to dress it up as a very reasonable desire.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/04/2023 15:10

I wouldn’t but then I don’t think I can judge as I got what I vaguely thought and even more vaguely sort of wanted each time (a girl and then a boy). But there is so much else about a child other than their sex, it sort of becomes irrelevant. It’s just that it’s the only thing we really know about them at that stage that makes it seem like a big deal.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/04/2023 15:11

MushroomQueen · 21/04/2023 07:56

This!

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Yes I agree. Whilst I’m completely pro choice, I don’t agree with creating embryos deliberately to destroy them.

Tigofigo · 21/04/2023 15:12

I would maybe have chosen a girl as already had a boy to experience one of each, ended up with two boys. In hindsight it's great I didn't as I don't think they'd be as close as one of each.

I also don't project my own shit onto them as much as I might with a daughter!

SlashBeef · 21/04/2023 15:12

I don't know. If I was desperate for one or the other maybe I would. I have two of each and people have often said "ooh well done!" as if I had some control in it!
I don't want to diminish people's very really feelings with regards gender disappointment so although I feel like I wouldn't chose, I don’t know how I'd feel in a different situation.

lozrox90 · 21/04/2023 15:18

As my first DC was a boy, I probably would have chosen for my second to have been a girl, just so I had one of each. I'm a girly girl and would have liked to have had a daughter. Two boys for me though and I wouldn't change them for the world, love them both with all I have!

itsserendipity · 21/04/2023 15:45

No. I understand that many people have gender disappointment but I think this is highly unethical. Often there's an ingrained preference for sons in many societies, and this sort of practice would create problems. (Just look at what happened in China with the one child policy).

Wednesdaysotherchild · 21/04/2023 15:53

We’re doing IVF but obv can’t chose in UK. A part of me would prefer girls tbh, so I’d consider it - but we barely get any genetically normal embryos so are unlikely to have the option or choice!

I’d be hugely overjoyed and grateful with just one healthy baby of either sex (unlikely for us sadly!)

IVF sways to boys slightly as the male embryos grow faster so are more likely to have made blastocyst by day 5, apparently. Interesting!

Wednesdaysotherchild · 21/04/2023 15:57

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/04/2023 15:11

Yes I agree. Whilst I’m completely pro choice, I don’t agree with creating embryos deliberately to destroy them.

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Most of the embryos die early on anyhow - of 40-something embryos we have created, only 7 survived 5 days (3 of which will never make it as they are abnormal). And in transferring an embryo you only have a low % of it surviving to pregnancy. It’s 100 cells at blastocyst stage.

They use the leftover embryos for medical research or practice for embryologists if consent is given so nothing is wasted.

Yousee · 21/04/2023 15:58

3 boys here. I'd make DS1 not diabetic, DS2 not dead and I could live with DS3 being a better sleeper but apart from that I'd not change a hair on their heads. Baffled that any mother would.

Beezknees · 21/04/2023 16:40

Nope. I struggle to understand gender disappointment as well to be honest, it's not a shop where you can pick and choose.

summerpoolandsun · 21/04/2023 17:22

Wednesdaysotherchild · 21/04/2023 15:53

We’re doing IVF but obv can’t chose in UK. A part of me would prefer girls tbh, so I’d consider it - but we barely get any genetically normal embryos so are unlikely to have the option or choice!

I’d be hugely overjoyed and grateful with just one healthy baby of either sex (unlikely for us sadly!)

IVF sways to boys slightly as the male embryos grow faster so are more likely to have made blastocyst by day 5, apparently. Interesting!

Best of luck @Wednesdaysotherchild We only got one genetically normal embryo from two rounds of IVF and it luckily worked. I was just going through the motions to say to myself in ten years time ‘I did everything I could’…I really hope it works for you and you get your miracle x

AllOfThemWitches · 21/04/2023 17:51

Yousee · 21/04/2023 15:58

3 boys here. I'd make DS1 not diabetic, DS2 not dead and I could live with DS3 being a better sleeper but apart from that I'd not change a hair on their heads. Baffled that any mother would.

❤️

Original poster

Lelophants · 21/04/2023 18:08

Zanatdy · 21/04/2023 07:53

I would have yes. I had 2 boys first and desperately wanted a daughter, my 3rd was to be my final child regardless of gender. I went into a rabbit hole world of gender swaying, joined a forum and spent hours and hours researching and perfecting my sway. The stress was unreal, especially after I got pregnant. I must add that I wanted a 3rd child regardless and I’ve have loved that baby regardless of gender. Anyway it was a girl and I was delighted. If someone had offered me to have the IVF gender selection instead of go through all of that, hell yes I’d have done it.

There’s a lot of stigma around parents wanting a preference for a child and I haven’t read the comments on this thread yet but can guarantee what they will say. But gender disappointment is a real thing and made worse by societies response to it, be grateful you can have a child etc. But its a real thing and can cause genuine depression.

Agreed. And so many people on mumsnet cough feminist forum cough go on about how much difference there is biologically that there is a reason people have these feelings and it’s not just to do with clothing.

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CocoPlum · 21/04/2023 20:05

lifeturnsonadime · 21/04/2023 14:51

I don't think either reason is a good enough reason for commercial sex selection.

What a shame that you didn't think you could be a good parent to a boy, I'm glad your DS has proved that wrong.

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I don't think they are good enough reasons, I was speculating on the reason why girls may be seen as "preferred". the OP was asking if you could, would you, and I think we're answering honestly, but most of the replies I read before replying were similar "i would have, but I'm so glad I couldn't because DC is actually the best". And I am so glad to have a boy now 😁

GooglyEyeballs · 21/04/2023 20:10

I would pick one of each if I could

MargotBamborough · 21/04/2023 20:16

Phoebo · 21/04/2023 01:54

But aren't you "playing God" anyway if you're doing IVF? What difference does it make if you pick which embryo to use? I know it seems weird, but the whole thing is weird when you really think about it because you are choosing anyway

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Because you are turning IVF from a treatment for infertility into a way to create designer families.

And in some countries it would have the same effect as sex selective abortion, which I hope most people would agree is abhorrent. I suppose it's arguable that allowing people to choose the sex of their baby might reduce sex selective abortion, which would be a good thing, although only in families rich enough to pay for private IVF, so probably not that much overall.

But if it did become accessible to the population at large, you would have the same kind of population issues that exist in cultures where sex selective abortion is prevalent, and on a larger scale, because many people who would not abort a healthy foetus at a fairly late stage just for being the "wrong" sex would have no ethical concerns about selecting an embryo of the "correct" sex.

Original poster

Lelophants · 21/04/2023 20:42

MargotBamborough · 21/04/2023 20:16

Because you are turning IVF from a treatment for infertility into a way to create designer families.

And in some countries it would have the same effect as sex selective abortion, which I hope most people would agree is abhorrent. I suppose it's arguable that allowing people to choose the sex of their baby might reduce sex selective abortion, which would be a good thing, although only in families rich enough to pay for private IVF, so probably not that much overall.

But if it did become accessible to the population at large, you would have the same kind of population issues that exist in cultures where sex selective abortion is prevalent, and on a larger scale, because many people who would not abort a healthy foetus at a fairly late stage just for being the "wrong" sex would have no ethical concerns about selecting an embryo of the "correct" sex.

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I agree that it could cause problems and also once you pick the sex, you start choosing all other sorts of qualities. Then some will become more desirable than others and there will be this awful thing of designer babies.

But I also hate sex selected abortions so if would be nice to stop that!

OP posts:

MargotBamborough · 21/04/2023 20:47

Lelophants · 21/04/2023 20:42

I agree that it could cause problems and also once you pick the sex, you start choosing all other sorts of qualities. Then some will become more desirable than others and there will be this awful thing of designer babies.

But I also hate sex selected abortions so if would be nice to stop that!

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Well I don't think it would stop that.

Sex selective abortions most frequently happen in highly patriarchal cultures with largely poor populations and repressive laws, neither of which are conducive to free IVF with preimplantation genetic screening being offered to anyone who wants it.

Isitsixoclockalready · 21/04/2023 20:54

Makes it seem rather mechanical. People can get obsessed with whether it's a boy or girl and considering that we're presumably against gender stereotyping, I don't see what difference it makes.

Hawkins003 · 22/04/2023 18:01

Yes. And if the technology was available, also a range of genetic enhancements

Coffeeandbourbons · 22/04/2023 18:18

No it couldn’t work practically. In the U.K. I think most people would choose girls - then what? It would actually end up a much better life for the few boys around, with their novelty factor and their pick of girlfriends/jobs. The girls would have much worse lives with huge competition for a boyfriend or husband, many would end up single for life.

Ok it’s a hypothetical question but interesting to think of the consequences!

LT2 · 25/04/2023 06:59

@Coffeeandbourbons why do you think most would choose girls?🤔

HistoryFanatic · 25/04/2023 07:13

LT2 · 25/04/2023 06:59

@Coffeeandbourbons why do you think most would choose girls?🤔

Most threads that have someone disappointed about the sex tends to be that they are having a boy.

LT2 · 25/04/2023 08:07

HistoryFanatic · 25/04/2023 07:13

Most threads that have someone disappointed about the sex tends to be that they are having a boy.

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Hmm. Probably because there are more women here on MN than men. Doubt it's a National thing. I'm sure there's plenty of fathers who hope for a boy over a girl too.