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Original poster

If you could choose your baby’s sex for free, would you?

192 replies

Lelophants · 20/04/2023 20:45

Interesting discussion with a friend earlier. She knows two people who flew to USA to do ivf and select their preferred sex of baby (both boys - they had girls already). Clearly they were also v wealthy.

If it was completely free for anyone to do ivf and choose your baby’s sex, would you do it?

YABU - I would never do it
YANBU - ooh I would do this

OP posts:
Ragwort · 20/04/2023 22:34

No ... I really didn't mind if I had a boy or girl & neither DH or I wanted to find out before the birth. We absolutely knew this would be our only child and we were thrilled to have a boy ... I am sure we would have been equally thrilled with a girl. Although must admit that having a boy seems a lot less stressful than a girl from my friends' experiences Grin.

angiec89 · 20/04/2023 22:36

Personally wouldn't. Just feels wrong, as though the sex of the baby means something more than it does...
Not for me

TheVanguardSix · 20/04/2023 22:38

No. Not for a moment would I consider this.

Fink · 20/04/2023 22:39

No. I can see how people can reconcile themselves to IVF if the 'spare' embryos are kept in the freezer for the future, because there's still the potential for them to be implanted and grow later (even if in practice that's unlikely). But I can't see how you could ethically choose one viable embryo over another, isn't it playing God with life and death?

For full disclosure, I was lucky enough to not need fertility treatment so I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have had an unassisted pregnancy, but I do have moral issues with IVF in general.

MargotBamborough · 20/04/2023 22:39

VestaTilley · 20/04/2023 20:53

No. I think it’s obscene and highly unethical.

This.

leepingup · 20/04/2023 22:46

Hmm. When I was pregnant I didn't find out the sex until birth. I was so convinced I was having a boy and really, really wanted a boy. But she was a girl. And now I am sooo glad I had a girl and couldn't imagine it any other way.

So it's a tricky one, as if I'd had the choice back then I would of 100 percent chosen a boy and that would mean I'd miss out on my daughter.

However, if I were pregnant and given the opportunity right now in my life, knowing what I know now, yes I would and I would choose a girl. I only have one child and it's unlikely I'll have more but if I did, I would only ever want girls.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/04/2023 22:47

No, of course not.

LoveBluey · 20/04/2023 22:47

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 20/04/2023 21:13

I wouldn't have IVF to get a particular sex, but if I could have magically chosen another way, I probably would have.

Same. I did have a preference to have 1 of each and if I could have chosen it I would have.
As it goes I got two of the same sex and now they're here I wouldn't change it.

HolyMolyGuacamole222 · 20/04/2023 22:49

No, but I honestly wasn't hoping specifically for a boy or girl when pregnant. I imagined both of course, but didn't have a preference. I wouldn't judge someone who had several boys and wanted a girl or vice versa.

Kpo58 · 20/04/2023 22:51

I would only do it if there was a medical reason for doing so, as in if only one sex could inherit a faulty gene.

user1471447924 · 21/04/2023 01:42

Yes, I absolutely would. It’s no more unethical than having IVF in the first place to intervene when nature “intended” for you to be infertile.

My2pence2day · 21/04/2023 01:50

Yep! Although I hoped for a boy and was lucky to get one. If I had sbother, I'd hope for a boy again

FinnysTail · 21/04/2023 01:53

If I could choose the sex I’d go for boys every time.

Phoebo · 21/04/2023 01:54

Fink · 20/04/2023 22:39

No. I can see how people can reconcile themselves to IVF if the 'spare' embryos are kept in the freezer for the future, because there's still the potential for them to be implanted and grow later (even if in practice that's unlikely). But I can't see how you could ethically choose one viable embryo over another, isn't it playing God with life and death?

For full disclosure, I was lucky enough to not need fertility treatment so I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have had an unassisted pregnancy, but I do have moral issues with IVF in general.

But aren't you "playing God" anyway if you're doing IVF? What difference does it make if you pick which embryo to use? I know it seems weird, but the whole thing is weird when you really think about it because you are choosing anyway

LighterNights · 21/04/2023 02:01

No and I chose not to know either time. I wasn't bothered.

NumberTheory · 21/04/2023 03:18

I would have, but I'm glad I didn't get to.

I had IVF with two eggs implanted and I asked if it was possible to have one of each but the clinic I used didn't allow it. It wasn't a big deal to me though. I just thought it would be nice to experience both.

We ended up with two girls and in retrospect I'm really pleased. I thought the variety would be good but having two kids is variety enough. And I think, from watching the twins of friends that they have a closer bond because they're the same sex. Also, that it probably made parenting easier which made family life better in lots of ways.

Snoopyandthemuppets · 21/04/2023 03:30

I’m horrified a child is chosen or wanted for their biological sex

Phoebo · 21/04/2023 03:53

Snoopyandthemuppets · 21/04/2023 03:30

I’m horrified a child is chosen or wanted for their biological sex

I think that's disingenuous. Most people just want a happy, healthy baby. But many want one or another, especially if they already have two or more of the same sex.

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 06:19

I think there’s a difference between wanting a ‘theoretical’ girl or boy, then actually not wanting one you already have. I would say most people have a preference before they find out, but as long as you bond with the baby when it arrives (and virtually everyone does) that’s what matters.

With regards to IVF I’m torn - if it stops sex selective abortions further down the line, then it’s probably the lesser of 2 evils. I’ve heard of people having NIPT at 9 weeks then terminating when the baby isn’t the girl or boy they want. That’s soulless.

Twizbe · 21/04/2023 06:19

Mmmm tough. I wanted boys both times and I've got one of each. I wouldn't change my daughter for the world now.

I'd have been tempted for sure, but I also know the wider impacts on demographics. Nature has somehow managed to keep our population roughly 50/50 and there are wider implications if that changes.

Tirrrrred · 21/04/2023 06:26

Not with IVF but if I had the choice I'd probably use it.

First time I wanted a boy. Got a girl.
Second time I wasn't bothered. Got a girl.
I really wanted a boy for my 3rd but stopped at 2.

incitethismeetingtorebellion · 21/04/2023 06:52

I wouldn't but I have one of each. If I was going for a third I don't think I'd care what it was as both of mine delight and torment me in in equal but very different ways.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2023 07:02

I had a preference and got that preference both times. However I wouldn’t want to choose the sex- but maybe that’s just because it’s not the norm here. Maybe if I grew up in the US or say Egypt I might.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2023 07:03

Snoopyandthemuppets · 21/04/2023 03:30

I’m horrified a child is chosen or wanted for their biological sex

It’s really not- it doesn’t mean the other sex wouldn’t be loved or wanted.

LynetteScavo · 21/04/2023 07:06

I'm quite a control freak, but it's the one thing I would never, ever want to choose.

Many people seem to think I must have been delighted my third DC was a different sex to my first two. I really would have been happy with all of the same sex, or any combination.

I wouldn't choose eye or hair colour either. Where does it end?

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