Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you could choose your baby’s sex for free, would you?

192 replies

Lelophants · 20/04/2023 20:45

Interesting discussion with a friend earlier. She knows two people who flew to USA to do ivf and select their preferred sex of baby (both boys - they had girls already). Clearly they were also v wealthy.

If it was completely free for anyone to do ivf and choose your baby’s sex, would you do it?

YABU - I would never do it
YANBU - ooh I would do this

OP posts:
Thinkbiglittleone · 20/04/2023 21:14

I probably would have. Luckily we got what I would have chosen.

Whatthejackdawsaw · 20/04/2023 21:15

No as I've heard that IVF is a gruelling process so it isn't something I would consider unless i was struggling to conceive or where there was a high chance of a genetic condition with one particular sex.

summerpoolandsun · 20/04/2023 21:16

No, I wanted two boys but I’m having a girl and it’s opening my mind to it and super exciting now, if I’d chosen I would never hace had that chance to get out my comfort zone

summerpoolandsun · 20/04/2023 21:17

And we had IVF - in the U.K. they don’t tell you the gender by law. You can find out in the US though

Snaaaaacks · 20/04/2023 21:17

Absolutely not!!! I'm really surprised so many people said yes, ivf is so invasive and who knows what it does to your body/the increased risks to the resulting child. Even if I didn't have to go through the invasive process and increased risks of ivf, no I wouldn't. I didn't care whether my children were boys or girls, I found out the sex at the birth for each of them. I got girl, boy, boy. Any combination would have been perfect to us.

caffelattetogo · 20/04/2023 21:18

I had no preference, but now that I have them I'm very glad to have the ones I do. Although I'm sure I'd feel the same if they were the opposite sex too.

Nutsabouttopic · 20/04/2023 21:24

No because I think I would have chosen to have a boy due to the pressure being put on me my DHS family. He's the only boy, his father was an only son, so carrying on the family name !!!! DH didn't care less never bothered him but has said that he's delighted that we have all girls because of the fun and joy they bring to our lives. DH is not into sport or what would be considered a man's man. He goes hiking and kayaking with our girls and now some of them have got motorbikes they go on ride outs, one of the boyfriends joins them. I can understand why people would choose but it's not for me

JadeSkies · 20/04/2023 21:25

No. Having suffered the agony of losing three babies (two stillborn and one just a few days old) just having a healthy baby of either sex would be more than enough.

shutthewindownow · 20/04/2023 21:26

If I didn't get a girl then I definitely would have. Luckily I got 4

Kranke · 20/04/2023 21:28

I didn’t know you could do this? Surely it’s unethical?!! How would the human race survive if people could choose, isn’t that the point of nature and reproduction?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/04/2023 21:29

Child one - couldn't care less.

I have one of each now. We don't want dc3 but if I could choose the sex of dc3 I know which I'd go for.

Kranke · 20/04/2023 21:29

Also, how would the child feel? Knowing they were only picked because of the genitals/chromosomes they had?

LeFeu · 20/04/2023 21:30

Yes, the third time I would’ve done it. I really wanted a boy after two girls and was lucky enough to have him but if I could’ve guaranteed it I would.

obviously I would’ve loved a girl too but yeah if I could’ve I would.

Coffeeandbourbons · 20/04/2023 21:32

I wouldn’t do IVF for a non medical reason as I believe it’s one of those things that will come out as being very bad for your health in future. There’s also something a bit magical about waiting to see what you’re having and feeling like they were ‘meant’ to come to you, selecting the sex would feel clinical and a bit… fake?

However I have one of each so I don’t know what it’s like to only have one sex and long for the other.

ReturnfromtheStars · 20/04/2023 21:32

Thing is, how the process works, it's not choosing sex, instead it's generating several embryos, destroying the ones with "wrong" sex and implanting one of the "right" ones.

So the process itself is very unethical for me, unless if to rule out sex related genetic disease in the family.

AllOfThemWitches · 20/04/2023 21:32

No and I think people who are bitterly disappointed when they find out it's a boy the sex have absolutely no business having babies.

Coffeeandbourbons · 20/04/2023 21:33

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/04/2023 21:29

Child one - couldn't care less.

I have one of each now. We don't want dc3 but if I could choose the sex of dc3 I know which I'd go for.

What would you go for?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/04/2023 21:34

Boy

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/04/2023 21:35

And by choose I mean if I could press a button or something equally banal. I wouldn't actually go through with the current options for sex selection.

Kidsandcat · 20/04/2023 21:36

I feel lucky to have the children I got so no. Would have hated to have made a decision years ago that would have changed things.

BlueAndGreen89 · 20/04/2023 21:36

I would have chosen one of each but as this is what I ended up with anyway, it would’ve been wasted on me!

TomatoSandwiches · 20/04/2023 21:36

No I wouldn't want to choose.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/04/2023 21:37

Absolutely not.

I know someone that did this because of a strong preference for one sex and ended up with a child with a life limiting condition that only affects that sex. I'm just not sure that it's a good idea to mess with nature to that extent(though could have happened anyway)

If it was widespread it would likely lead to a skewed birth rate between sexes.

Lastly I know so many people that had a preference for one sex and then when they got one of the other sex...it turned out absolutely fine. They don't regret it and they have never wished their child away. And now they can't see it any other way and think it turned out for the best.

JudgeRudy · 20/04/2023 21:38

I think lots of people would if it became socially acceptable. Also it depends what the price was. People pay for IVF which is obviously 'messing' with what nature intended for that person/s so l can't see why not.
I know someone in the UK who donated eggs (for free). She found out that she could have gone on holiday to USA and sold them and had a 6 week holiday whilst she was there. Apparently she 'scored extra points' for being tall and athletic and dark haired, supposedly desirable characteristics for those wanting a boy. Scored down for having moles. Sounds like a chosing a horse!

TheGoogleMum · 20/04/2023 21:41

No not IVF. If I could choose with very little effort required then maybe?

Swipe left for the next trending thread