Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

Yes I did before it was diagnosed and controlled. And yes my uncle died from COPD recently, from smoking like a chimney, not from living with cats :P So you can stop with the amateur dramatics, I am fine, don't even use an inhalor anymore. No need to be judgey about my parents just because they didn't pander to me!

@Dibblydoodahdah Yes I did before it was diagnosed and controlled. And yes my uncle died from COPD recently, from smoking like a chimney, not from living with cats :P So you can stop with the amateur dramatics, I am fine, don't even use an inhalor anymore. No need to be judgey about my parents just because they didn't pander to me!

@Helena91 well let’s hope it doesn’t cause you problems later on in life. My mum had a lot of scaring from childhood. I will judge all I like. Trying to prevent your child from being so ill that they have to attend A & E is not pandering to them. It’s fulfilling your parental duties to keep them safe. Asthma attacks kill three people in the UK every day.

@Dibblydoodahdah Later in life? I am already in my 30s with no issues, but sure, internet doctor, you know best! I am very happy to have grown up with wonderful feline siblings thanks to my parents. I know MANY other allergic pet owners who are perfectly healthy. Pet allergies are not the end of the world, unpleasant yes, but we do just fine. And it is so worth it for the joy they bring. Thanks for your worry.

@Helena91 late 40’s for my mum. She had to retire at 51 due to ill health. Died at 61.

Most 'animal lovers' don't give a fuck about anyone but their wretched animal. That includes their children too.

You don't 'just find out you're allergic'- you certainly do after allergy tests. Are you allergic to medical tests or...?

*I don't think she's allergic. You don't just find out ffs.

Truth is, she doesn't want the dog around.

Don't ever trust someone who doesn't like dogs. She sounds ultra fkn controlling!*

Well l ‘found out’ l was allergic to Fluoxetine the first time l took it.

I also ‘found out’l was allergic to rabbits the first time we had them.

I ‘found out’ l have a severe allergy to mozzie bites.

I ‘found out’ l was allergic to dust when l lived in shit tips as a student.

So l kind of did ‘find out’

@Dibblydoodahdah and she was perfectly fine before that, not needing an inhaler etc? You can do so much, as we did, to make the house safe. We have air filtration, hard flooring in every room, an anti allergy vacuum cleaner and bed linen. I only had problems before we did those things. My asthma is "pretty much non existent" now, in my doctor's words. It all comes down to how important those pets are in your family.

@Helena91 yes, no inhalers. Didn’t get one until she was 47/48.

I have a severe animal allergy and none of what you suggest would work for me. To give you an example, my allergy to horses is so bad that they caused an asthma attack standing a few metres away from them OUTSIDE in a completely open area.

@Helena91 and saliva is a big problem for me. A dog once ran at me and licked me through my jeans and I came up in hives. Then my asthma started.

I feel for you I really do, we recently had to rehome our dog due my allergies. We tried everything the hepa air purifier, super duper animal hair hoover, moved to a big property. I hoovered and mopped multiple times a day and got him groomed weekly plus tool anti allergy tablets daily. Plus he was not allowed up to the bedrooms. But I was still having multiple asthma attacks, couldn't walk up the stairs without being out of breath. A holiday abroad last year (without the dog) told us what we knew. I was dangerously allergic. I managed to swim daily and run around after my babies. Rehoming him was the hardest thing we have done and we are still not over it. But I now no longer need my pump in my hand 24/7 and my lung capacity is getting stronger. So for the sake of my health we made the right choice. I'm not saying you DP will be like I was but It can be really horrible. Try friends and family first, but 4 years of having your darling dog is a long time to just rehome him. I feel your partner could give you some more support with this in help finding a new home. Good luck!

It’s incredible that even when people have stated that they have allergies that can not be controlled by inhalers or antihistamines, other people will still demonise them for rehoming a pet

But often people don’t even try medication. OTC antihistamines don’t help me. I need heavy duty prescription stuff plus immunosuppressants.

I’m not referring to people who haven’t tried. I’m referring to people for whom medication and all the cleaning in the world won’t make the problem go away. No one would tell those poor young people who died of a nut allergy that they should just try harder. Sometimes an allergy is insurmountable yet people still think rehiring is the worst crime ever

@Thatmum102 did absolutely the right thing for her family. The dog’s presence could have had life changing effects. She is a parent and had to put her life first. Op and his girl friend have done nothing beyond a half arsed attempt at trying to be a bit cleaner and trying some otc anti histamines.

Cross post.

I have awful pet allergies. I couldn’t live in a home with pets. I’d be hospitalised for asthma flare ups never mind the itchy skin, eyes and throat. And no, it’s not controllable through medication. I wouldn’t get involved with somebody with a dog they were so attached to they couldn’t part with. Only you can decide OP

Nobody should be on long term medication because another person keeps bringing an animal indoors.
An animal.

So why get involved with someone who already has an animal?

@Redebs you don’t have to and that is your choice. But I wouldn’t be rehoming my pet because someone wants to move in and doesn’t live with them.

Everyone should be so attached to their dog that they can't part with it. If you don't feel that sense of responsibility and commitment to care for the animal for its whole life, you shouldn't get an animal in the first place.

I need heavy duty prescription stuff plus immunosuppressants

Don’t immunosuppressants carry risk of long term side effects such as increased risk of cancer? My DH is on them for a different reason, and those are necessary (cause cannot be removed) and it’s still a concern. Each to their own, but I genuinely can’t wrap my head around it.

Hope you get everything worked out soon.

🙌