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Original poster

Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

785 replies

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 03:40

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

OP posts:
Talkinrubbishagain · 20/04/2023 21:53

She could have a vaccine made specifically from your dog. If she is not willing then you will know that she’s not really committed.
Your dog could have weekly baths and grooming with a qualified groomer.
There are special vaccums ,cleaning equipment to help keep the dander down.
if she’s not willing to try every avenue then you will know that she doesn’t really love you.
good luck.

Fuctifin0 · 20/04/2023 21:57

mybeautifuloak · 20/04/2023 21:40

You are clueless if you think everyone can just 'manage their allergy'. Jesus the ignorance. People die from allergies. I guess they should have done a better job of 'managing their allergies'

Show quote history

Anaphylaxis due to a dog allergy is vanishingly rare.

You lumping a dog allergy in with a let's say a peanut allergy is beyond ignorant.
Maybe trot off and educate yourself before bandying about the clueless word 🤣

Dibblydoodahdah · 20/04/2023 22:02

@Fuctifin0 asthma attacks are life threatening, hence the reason I have been admitted to hospital after allergic reactions to dogs and horses. Trot off and educate yourself.

August1980 · 20/04/2023 22:20

Tough spot you are in Op. Dont get rid of your dog unless you really don’t/can’t care for him. I am assuming you like having a pet which is why you have one.. are you really willing to not have one forever because your partner (at present) is allergic?

what else is she requesting you change about your life to accommodate her?
we have a friend who is allergic to our black lab. She takes an antihistamine every time she visits us (which is often) and although they have no pets in her home, she has a treat jar in her kitchen for all her friends who bring their pets to hers…
she is also allergic to fresh Christmas trees, certain perfume etc takes a tablet and gets on with life!

Peppermintpatty24 · 20/04/2023 22:25

For the longest time I was allergic to animal hairs. Whenever around dogs I'd suffer. I really wanted a dog. 2 years ago, regardless of my allergy, I finally got one, and he couldn't be more hairy 🤣. Do you know what I did, from day one, I took antihistamines for a few months, (nothing unusual for me because I suffer from hay fever), do you know, I no longer get allergic reactions to dogs. I still have him 🤣.

SpiralHecate · 20/04/2023 22:34

Do you have to live together? Sounds like you're both rushing into a commitment.

mybeautifuloak · 20/04/2023 22:38

@Fuctifin0 you are spectacularly missing the point. Your ludicrous suggestion that people should just manage their allergies and all will be fine is infantile.

mybeautifuloak · 20/04/2023 22:41

@Fuctifin0 I'm actually outraged at your ignorance. People die from asthma. They die. Animal allergies can trigger asthma. Why are you so belligerently restating your ignorant point?

LoisLane66 · 20/04/2023 22:44

@CanineConundrum
How old are you OP and how old is your g/f?
How many previous g/fs/relationships have you had in order to confidently say that this g/f is 'the one'?

leepingup · 20/04/2023 22:54

I could never rehome my dogs for a partner. Never never never.

2Rebecca · 20/04/2023 22:55

If I had a pet allergy I wouldn't date someone with fluffy pets that live in the house. I've seen some life threatening animal dander allergies. If I realised after a year I was allergic to my boyfriend's pet and he wasn't sure who to prioritise the relationship would be over

NotHangingAround · 20/04/2023 23:03

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:12

So my partner lives with a family member so no lease to break but I understand it’s still a risk for her. I’ve had the dog for 4 years and been with my partner for just under a year.

Honestly, I'd be very uneasy about this. Do you feel like you are being asked to be heartless to your dog to prove your loyalty to your girlfriend?

A dog is a family member (imo) and you clearly don't want to rehome yours. You also live a more laid back lifestyle than your partner. Will you really be compatible with her breathing down your neck to keep the place immaculate, and refusing to contemplate pets if you have DC.

If you are 100% sure she's right for you, then you need to start asking family and explaining why you need to rehome.

I have sympathy for your partner. I get hayfever with asthma at this time of year. Living in a state of constant allergy is so draining and uncomfortable and distracting. She can't live with the dog if she is allergic. But I'd worry about how kind a person she is if she doesn't recognise what a huge wrench it is for you to part with your pet.

Popsiemopsie · 20/04/2023 23:27

Your dog deserves better than this. I’m concerned that your gf is being very self centred and demanding. Are you sure she is the partner you want to spend your life with? I’m sure your dog is more loyal.

Catsmere · 20/04/2023 23:31

So now OP is shifting ground, changing the story somewhat.

The dog deserves better.

katrin174 · 20/04/2023 23:41

There is no way I would rehome my dog for anyone, let alone someone I had been seeing for less that a year. They're part of the family.

toxic44 · 20/04/2023 23:56

Let me get this straight. You've to get rid of your dog and you've to up your game with the housework because your home isn't acceptable to her as it is. Better get yourself a collar and lead and learn to walk to heel because it all sounds a bit of a control exercise to me. To wait six months - that's only November - wouldn't be a big deal if both of you are equally commited. I'm stumped how she expects you to ditch your dog.

Blaidd · 21/04/2023 00:01

Don't ever even think about rehoming your dog. Duh!

ZiriForEver · 21/04/2023 00:21

Catsmere · 20/04/2023 23:31

So now OP is shifting ground, changing the story somewhat.

The dog deserves better.

No, the OP is consistent from the begining, but so many people exhibit poor reading comprehension in this thread that clarifications are necessary.

pollymere · 21/04/2023 00:22

Ok, she doesn't have OCD but is your relaxed attitude to cleaning going to cause friction between you? How is this managed at the moment? This could actually cause far more relationship issues and argument s!

Also... Did the test reveal an allergy to dust mites and dog dander? I have a cat and started to develop allergy symptoms to it just after we got it. But I'd had a cat before with no symptoms. I realised that my dusty house was actually causing me to react to the cat. Since working on the dust, I've been fine around the cat and can stroke it with no symptoms at all. It seems odd that the dog thing didn't show up as a kid because most find themselves around dogs as part of going to parks or on transport.

ReallyTryingTo · 21/04/2023 00:33

What are you going to do if family or friends don't take your dog?

You do know if you rehome the dog with family or friends you can never take the dog back if you and GF don't work out. Would be completely unfair on the dog and whoever has it.
I think you're making a terrible mistake.
I had to rehome my dog after a relationship break down and at the time I had to move home and couldn't take my dog as my families dog would just hide when mine was there. He was also rehomed with someone who has known me my whole life. This was 10 years ago and I'm still bitter about my dog.

Seeleyboo · 21/04/2023 01:08

Hell would freeze over before I put anyone before my dogs. They just wouldn't be moving in, and if that didn't work out, they would be gone. What if you rehome the dogs and things didn't work out anyway. Yikes. Nope. I'll stick by my dogs. Thanks.

Seeleyboo · 21/04/2023 01:09

LoveSong · 19/04/2023 04:38

You sound like an irresponsible owner. You see your dog as disposable because a woman has been on the scene for 5 minutes. Horrible, horrible horrible.

Poor dog, but dogs are better with humans who love them and don’t see them as disposable.

I think you and this unfeeling woman are well suited.

This. With dogs fur on.

Dibbydoos · 21/04/2023 01:28

I'm so sorry your having to rehome your dog. My hubby had to rehome his dog because of my allergies, so I saw how devastated he was.
Def rehome with family/friend. He rehomed via the woman who sold us our new house. We were the last house to sell on thexestate, so before she left, she gave our neighbour her address to give to us but the neighbour lost it so he never saw his dog again. :(

Good luck, sending you a big hug x

LoveSong · 21/04/2023 02:23

Dibbydoos · 21/04/2023 01:28

I'm so sorry your having to rehome your dog. My hubby had to rehome his dog because of my allergies, so I saw how devastated he was.
Def rehome with family/friend. He rehomed via the woman who sold us our new house. We were the last house to sell on thexestate, so before she left, she gave our neighbour her address to give to us but the neighbour lost it so he never saw his dog again. :(

Good luck, sending you a big hug x

I imagine the dogs new owner didn’t want your husband staying in touch and that was a lie. If I took on someone’s dog who dumped them, I wouldn’t be staying in touch either. I’d think they were heartless and just want show the dog they were with a caring person now. It’s not the new owners job to ease the guilt of people like your husband. I’d hope they felt bad every day of their lives. They deserve to.

Inbetweenie993 · 21/04/2023 02:35

If she loves you, and there is no emergency making her move in, she will wait until you are sure enough to choose. I have been 'in love' - and know to my cost how much things can change in a relatively short relationship. At least when that broke up I hadn't also lost my best friend..... be careful please...